II don't know how to ask this -

[Doglegg]

Ok this will surely ruffle feathers, but it certainly not meant to, and some maay feel a finger pointing in his or her direction, but.......

Someone comes on the board saying he or she likes it a little rough.

Hair pulling, name calling, butt slapping, spanking, binding, etc. Ok, who hasn't attended a family reunion? What's a little humiliation between blood kin?

But thennnnnn, draws a line at being called a "Bitch" or a "Whore", or having a body part spanked by someone else's body part? This seems to be a bit confusing.

A PM with "Hi I'm Wrangler Jeans, I was wondering if I could pull your hair till you scream, pour hot wax onto three or four of your most sensitive body parts, inseert needles into your naughty bits (not to worry I'm a trained accupuncturist), hang you by your wrists and ankles, and use a butt plug that looks like a horses tail, will singing Battle Hymn of the Republic"? How much do you charge for a 30 min session?"

That would seem to set off a flag or two, but then for some maybe not, or the deal killer could be the Battle Hymn of the Republic. Maybe Georgiie Girl would have been more appropriate.

But then, it could be because a used dildo was slapped across her cheeks, that really sent this one through the roof. Who knows what makes the volcano blow?

But anyway, how is a well meaning guy supposed to know what are the turn offs, if not told ahead of time?

Raincoat on, umbrella in hand, DNS submission submitted.

Honest question.

Dogg

[Ms. Milani]

I like it semi rough. I love hair pulling, dirty talk, and light spanking. Although I do have a line that should not be crossed. Hot wax, needles, hanging by any body party, being slapped in the face with a dick, humiliation to me are all definite HELL NO! I don't mind doing it to others but not me. So during rough sessions there should always be a line that is well known between provider and client.

[Doglegg]

So then Battle Hymn of the Republic and a horse tail butt plug are good to go?

I hadn't wanted to hijack another thread, and humiliationa dn dick slapping had caught my attention previously.

So in my mind, hair pulling, name calling, ass slapping, seem to be humiliation. Again, maybe in my definition only, but I would find it humiliating.

So how is a guy supposed to know where these land mines reside, when not really knowing the other person that well, especially when not told up front?

So far the only humiliation sessions I have been involved in didn't start out that way, but ended with me having my BVDs around my ankles as the girl goes running out the door with a good chunk of change in her hands.

[levi tab]

Originally Posted by Doglegg

A PM with "Hi I'm Wrangler Jeans,...

Holy crap how did you read the review I'm working up on what Ms. Athena did to me?...She actually called me a slut...




Actually, good question...sometimes limitations are not found til they happen. If the lady is new and has never really done rough, your definition of rough and her's may not be the same. It may really be difficult to discuss everything that can and can't happen in a rough session especially before a session. Who knows...someone may get freaked out at what is allowed.

Another thing, how many rough reviews have been posted on the Provider and how many rough reviews has the Client posted.

I have a review or two that were not the normal GFE sessions that I keep as an email so that I may share with a provider that may provide a certain type of session that I don't normally do. I do this just to give her an idea of what I may be comfortable with and she can ask other questions that may not be in the review...

Truthful communication upfront is a must...

[Doglegg]

Aha, Levi Tab and Wrangler Jeans in the same convo.


Two with one stone.


Heheheh, the plan starts to form.......

[Ms. Milani]

My clients are usually very sweet and always make sure they are not going to far. MOST of them but not all. Some that are a little rough I will kindly let them know that it hurts. Hair pulling if done right is passionate to me. Spanking...well guys like it and it doesn't bother me unless it's extremely hard. I love when a guy grabs my ass when I'm riding him. NOW that is a HUGE turn on.....

[Likinikki]

In true BDSM you should have a *list* of activities that you're comfortable doing...as well as the level of intensity. Always have a *safeword.*

[Doglegg]

Mine is 'ouch' and used quite often.

[Guest083013]

I guess I missed this post by Doglegg as being directed at any one in particular.

The way I read it was (and correct me if I'm wrong Doglegg) how in the hell can you like humiliation, and then in, essentially the same breath, get angry or pissed off by it?

Likinikki has addressed that realm of our hobby very nicely and yes ==> people playing there understand it far more than those who just want to "dabble" in a few things that might be considered more naughty than others..

[Doglegg]

Dennis, you put the question very succinctly, where do you find the words?

[Guest083013]

[FootLong]

I agree with Likinikki's take on this. Once you enter the world of BDSM, you need to have really good up-front communication with your partner, and probably it is not the first time you have seen her (assuming she does more than just BDSM). And of course, you need the safeword, to apply if necessary to things not discussed or things too intense.

Not too long ago I had a BDSM session with a girl, and we had a pre-game discussion about what we each liked in that world. It was an eye-opening, amazing experience.

[atxdream]

On this board, I am atxdream... but my alterego is "Mistress Julz". I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for over 12 years. Before I started doing this as a ProDomme, I spent time apprenticing under several Doms & Dommes. I've learned from some of the best at National Conventions and I've played & been evaluated by groups well known in the bdsm world. I've also learned a great deal from two very special Dommes in SA.

The bottom line is that "rough play" & bdsm are two VERY different things. When I enter into a bdsm session, I take considerable time with an in-person interview. Everything from hard/soft limits to health concerns to old sports injuries. I want to know how their week has been, anything on their mind that might be distracting them, and many other questions. It's amazing what people remember when you ask a line of questioning. I have never brought anyone to their safe word bc I am paying attention to everything from their breathing patterns to the color change of their skin.


Now back to Doglegg's original question - The reality is our moms had it right "When you play rough, someone is bound to get hurt".
Generally rough play should have a LOT of communication BEFORE & DURING play. It's usually directed by the subject of the play. For example... oooohhhh pull my hair! harder!!! pin me down!!! oooohhh a little softer. yeah, i like it like that.
The bottom line is that the lady needs to be 100% sure she is able to effectively communicate & essentially choreograph the encounter. When a gent gets in that "mode" he will only be listening with his little head and that head doesn't read minds or tone.
He cannot tell the difference between a fake "owie that hurts, make it hurt more" and an "ouch that really hurts stop". This isnt' to excuse a gent taking it too far, but that's also why it should only be done with someone you trust.
Even with 'harmless' rough play, a safe word is a must.. Finally, IF SOMEONE GETS HURT - feelings or otherwise...well momma told you not to play rough. You need to be able to handle the fact that accidents happen & if you didn't say in advance what is off limits or speak up clearly while it's occurring.... then you can't be mad. (Sometimes speaking up clearly is... get the f*** off me right now in ur best PMS voice, if they aren't catching on)

@Doglegg - by the way... obviously you don't have to worry about offending someone when the person it was directed at is not ,,,, well nevermind

[Doglegg]

Hmmmmm seems to be the only way I can get under you.

[atxdream]

Well... There are other ways but since I'm not sure if ur game for a kidnapping scene, I guess you will just have to find a way to make time for me.... Ummm soon. Like I might change my mind about kidnapping if its not really soon... LOL I still get requests for "the doglegg"