Anonymity?

[travis13131]

Anonymity is a word I hear again and again on this forum. I am a newbie for sure!!! That being said, here is my question. Why all the anonymity? I am actually proud to be a hobbyist. I understand it for guys married, and who are in relationships. I don’t understand it at all for the guys who are single? I am as real as it gets! Was in a relationship for nine years. Open to have another lasting relationship, but in my mind it would have to be honest (isn’t that the way it should be?) Meaning telling my significant other about my hobbying. I don’t know any other way to have a relationship. Maybe a hopeless romantic . In that frame of mind, why the anonymity. I REALLY do not understand. In the get togethers I say my name on the board, and then my real name. I have PM guys I think are cool personal info. Other than the guys who have girlfriends and wives; Is there a danger I am missing? Please indulge me. I expect to be slammed. It is a newbie question, but a sincere question

[travis13131]

In the get togethers I say my name on the board, and then my real name. I have PM guys I think are cool personal info. Other than the guys who have girlfriends and wives; Is there a danger I am missing? Please indulge me. I expect to be slammed. It is a newbie question, but a sincere question

All is informative, but I am very interested to hear about my last remark in quotes? Let the discussion begin

[ATF Hobby]

Are you this frank and honest with all of your other illegal activities, that is if you should have any more?

[Fratelli]

Originally Posted by travis13131

I understand it for guys married, and who are in relationships. I don’t understand it at all for the guys who are single?

Based on comments made by girls here in the past, 85% or more of the guys in the hobby are married. We absolutely require anonymity (or as close as you can really get to it). And close to 100% of the girls do as well, whatever their relationship status. Single guys are a small minority here, and I'm guess most of them value their anonymity, too. Almost no one wants to be outed to their employer, their family, or anyone else.

You don't care if the people around you know about your participation here? Fine. But that you don't understand why the rest of us value our anonymity makes you a security risk in this community, IMO.

[GneissGuy]

If you keep things anonymous, you always have a choice later to selectively relax with chosen people. If you let it all out, it stays out.

There are always potential problems.

Future job prospects.

Current employers or coworkers.

Nosy neighbors.

Harassment by some lady's pimp.

Harassment by some psycho lady directly.

Harassment by some lady's boyfriend, her stalker, or a competitor.

Harassment by another board member.

General internet busybodies, news media. They're starting to link together all sorts of things like face recognition, picture matching, etc.

Various government dogooders.

Future wives, girlfriends, children, etc.

Big brother in general. You never know what those crazy motherfuckers will do. They're trying to require drug testing for unemployment benefits and welfare. Who knows what else they'll try to meddle in. The surveillance society is growing all the time.

[sjdude]

In this day and age the term 'name' as is given by your parents, or one which is printed on your birth certificate or a court order is sort of vestigial.
A normal human being with all the internet of things should have multiple identities with multiple passwords just to be 'safe' on the road unless you are a mystical Super-Man (or woman). In my opinion you should always assume that 80% of the world is either your friend or don't care what you do, and 20% would for some reason or other knowingly or unknowingly cause you trouble. It is for that reason, you should have multiple identities.
The printed identity is typically what brings you into the "legal domain" so you should make sure that is "legally clean". Same goes with your p411+eccie identity, you should keep it clean in those terms... If you venture into other domains, then you should keep those also clean wrt to those domains.
The one any only MOST IMPORTANT thing is you should 'never' mix the identities into the different domains, as you WILL encounter problems... some time or the other and it will be hard to solve those problems. Anonymity is really the 'art' of keeping all the domains from mixing in...
If you are going to be a frog in a well, and will never venture out to other wells, and would keep to eating bugs and fertilizing eggs all your life then what you say is probably OK, more often than not you are then not a normal/modern human being.

My 1c

[LuvThatKitty]

Originally Posted by GneissGuy

If you keep things anonymous, you always have a choice later to selectively relax with chosen people. If you let it all out, it stays out.

There are always potential problems.

Future job prospects.

Current employers or coworkers.

Nosy neighbors.

Harassment by some lady's pimp.

Harassment by some psycho lady directly.

Harassment by some lady's boyfriend, her stalker, or a competitor.

Harassment by another board member.

General internet busybodies, news media. They're starting to link together all sorts of things like face recognition, picture matching, etc.

Various government dogooders.

Future wives, girlfriends, children, etc.

Big brother in general. You never know what those crazy motherfuckers will do. They're trying to require drug testing for unemployment benefits and welfare. Who knows what else they'll try to meddle in. The surveillance society is growing all the time.

Yep. I think that about covers it!

[travis13131]

If you keep things anonymous, you always have a choice later to selectively relax with chosen people. If you let it all out, it stays out.

There are always potential problems.

Future job prospects.

Current employers or coworkers.

Nosy neighbors.

Harassment by some lady's pimp.

Harassment by some psycho lady directly.

Harassment by some lady's boyfriend, her stalker, or a competitor.

Harassment by another board member.

General internet busybodies, news media. They're starting to link together all sorts of things like face recognition, picture matching, etc.

Various government dogooders.

Future wives, girlfriends, children, etc.

Big brother in general. You never know what those crazy motherfuckers will do. They're trying to require drug testing for unemployment benefits and welfare. Who knows what else they'll try to meddle in. The surveillance society is growing all the time.

Yup, that makes a lot of sense to me. I am glad I asked the question

[RALPHEY BOY]

I was just starting to date a Civie about 8 years ago, she was pressing me over and over as to how many women I had slept with, I told her it was not important and she should not worry about it..
finally after a few weeks of dating she kept asking. I figured what the hell, she is either going to freak or accept it either way I did not care. so I told her it was bout 100, really it was 150+ and now its probably 250 or so...
you should have heard her freak out!!!! she had only slept with 2 men..she called me all sorts of names.. so from then on I dont say anything to girls who I want to date how many women I have slept with.. you will never win in that situation..

[JJones]

People just can't handle the truth.

You should never ask a question if you do not want to know the answer.

[Guest021716-4]

In the last several years I have learned some huge life lessons about perception. You may perceive that it's okay to be open and honest about the hobby, because you feel a certain way about it. That is so refreshing to hear, btw. You probably feel this way, because you have no ill intentions. But never assume anyone has the same thought process or belief systems as you do. I don't know how many times this has caused me heartache in my life. This is a not a very good example, but for lack of anything better that comes to mind, here is one. I used to be so disappointed if a friend hurt me. Because, I would NEVER do that (insert whatever THAT may be) to someone else. But I have learned the hard way, not everyone thinks or has the same intentions as me. Just my thoughts, refreshingly sweet Travis.

[GneissGuy]

Originally Posted by RALPHEY BOY

I was just starting to date a Civie about 8 years ago, she was pressing me over and over as to how many women I had slept with, I told her it was not important and she should not worry about it..
finally after a few weeks of dating she kept asking. I figured what the hell, she is either going to freak or accept it either way I did not care. so I told her it was bout 100, really it was 150+ and now its probably 250 or so...
you should have heard her freak out!!!! she had only slept with 2 men..she called me all sorts of names.. so from then on I dont say anything to girls who I want to date how many women I have slept with.. you will never win in that situation..

Reminds me of the old story:

"Would you sleep with me for $1 million?"
-giggles- "I guess so."
"Would you sleep with me for $10?"
"Of course not, what kind of girl do you think I am?"
"We already settled that, now we're just discussing price."

[mrhamm]

Originally Posted by RALPHEY BOY

I was just starting to date a Civie about 8 years ago, she was pressing me over and over as to how many women I had slept with, I told her it was not important and she should not worry about it..
finally after a few weeks of dating she kept asking. I figured what the hell, she is either going to freak or accept it either way I did not care. so I told her it was bout 100, really it was 150+ and now its probably 250 or so...
you should have heard her freak out!!!! she had only slept with 2 men..she called me all sorts of names.. so from then on I dont say anything to girls who I want to date how many women I have slept with.. you will never win in that situation..

Tell them you slept with 5 women or some acceptable number. You won't be lying, as you did sleep with 5 (and then some). The bad thing, is they would then expect you to know names. If you go for something like 10 to 15, you can claim you were a drunk in college (who wasn't) and you didn't always remember the names the next morning.

[JennsLolli]

(Imagine how the girls here react when civvie boys ask for their numbers. Ha! For the record, I stopped counting around 15 or 20 because when I tried to count I felt bad about forgetting a few boys -- I started providing about six months after that. And it goes both ways. A recent date told me during pillow talk that I was the third woman had ever gone down on him and I almost threw-up. I don't want to be a number, especially such a low one. Gross.)

As far as anonymity goes, I hung-up my provider hat after an awkward moment at a work meeting. At the time I was with a popular agency in a new city while doing the 9-5 bit M-F. Volume was high (TX hospitality goes a long, long way up in the blue states) and my attention to detail is sub-par. So when I caught the gaze of one of the higher ups during an important client meeting I blushed and got highly uncomfortable. He looked familiar, but I couldn't remember if it's because I had met him during a group interview, through training or if I had fucked him. And whenever I would interact with him at work, it made me feel exposed in a negative way. To this day, I really don't know if I had fucked him or not.

I realize my story sounds like a preacher anecdote for some abstinence "don't have a lot of sex in college or you'll become a prossie and not remember who you've fucked" sermon, but it just makes me laugh. My sense of humor about the ordeal is helped greatly by the fact that I no longer work at that company or live in that city. It also helps that he is pretty dang handsome.

[fun2come]

This is one of the few topics in the Hobby that are dead serious.

If this wasn't a bit illegal and if society would be more accepting then we all could be a lot less anonymous.

The ONLY thing I would add re: JJones post
You can ask anything you want, just before you do, make sure you are ready for the answer, and accept a No answer.