Advice On How To Broach Lesbian/Bisexual Activities With Girlfriend

[cuddlyteddybear]

My girlfriend has dropped hints about a fairly strong desire to have a lesbian/bisexual encounter with me in attendance.

It seems that the least complicated way of introducing that type of activity would be to go with a bisexual provider, but I'm not sure how she will react to my asking about playing with a "provider."

One idea would be to have a provider meet us at a bar and seduce her, but that could end badly if she finds out. Plus, I would be involuntarily exposing her to certain health risks (whether real or perceived) that she might not have taken on her own volition. On the other hand, the idea might be a complete turn-on for her.

Advice?

[ScubaBad]

My advise would be to NOT bring up, or trick her into seeing a provider. Let her choose the girl, a friend or even make it a game to try to pick up a girl out at the bars with your help. Either way, it could be lots of fun.

Good luck.

[KCQuestor]

Don't trick her. The risks are too great. As ScubaBad says, go with a friend or acquaintance that your girlfriend has been attracted to for a while (there is someone she has been masturbating to, no doubt).

Just know that the "market" for single, available, attractive, bi-sexual or lesbian women who would be willing to have sex with your gf while you are in attendance is vanishingly small. Dan Savage calls them "unicorns" because they are almost a fantasy creature. Not to say they don't exist, but you can't count on them.

You may have to go the provider route. I'd say the time to bring it up is AFTER you have been unsuccessful at finding a friend or acquaintance who 1) turns your girlfriend on, is turned on by your girlfriend, and doesn't mind you being in the room.

I'm reminded of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6y2soBoU6w

[lakecat]

What about going to a swingers club? Never been myself, but I understand all types of activities take place and you may find a partner there that appeals to both of you. Bad idea to trick her, but agree with Questor that the pool of candidates is probably pretty small.

[bartipero]

Yes to the ideas above, but why not test the waters at a gentleman's club, and you might--or she might--find someone you or both of you can approach. Or, she may find that she isn't so interested after all. Isn't it Dirty Dog who has the famous quote about why do you rob banks? That's where the money is.

[Helicopter206]

College is getting ready to start back up. Just think of all those hot little college girls looking for some fun the first week back.
The bars will be loaded. Good hunting

[cuddlyteddybear]

Gentlemen: Thank you for all the great advice. I'm percolating a plan. LOL. However, and with all due respect for the years of wisdom behind the advice, I have to say that a PM from Stacy (Sins of the Flesh) was probably one of the most insightful and helpful pieces of advice I've ever received. Her advice was amazingly insightful, realistic, and concise.

Because she's such a class act, she opted to keep it private, but I have encouraged her to post it, or some version of it, because it contains invaluable insight from the perspective of a woman with an amazing mind (and from what I've seen, a rockin hot bod).

[Guest052813-01]

Originally Posted by cuddlyteddybear

Gentlemen: Thank you for all the great advice. I'm percolating a plan. LOL. However, and with all due respect for the years of wisdom behind the advice, I have to say that a PM from Stacy (Sins of the Flesh) was probably one of the most insightful and helpful pieces of advice I've ever received. Her advice was amazingly insightful, realistic, and concise.

Because she's such a class act, she opted to keep it private, but I have encouraged her to post it, or some version of it, because it contains invaluable insight from the perspective of a woman with an amazing mind (and from what I've seen, a rockin hot bod).

I would trust Stacy's judgement when it comes to these situations. Her insight and advise is second-to-none.

[KCQuestor]

Yeah, a woman's perspective was needed.

[SinsOfTheFlesh]

Well since Cuddly busted me, here is what I had to say....

Lakecat's suggestion of a swinger's club might be the perfect way to start. But, before you take any action, first know that communication is the key. Some fantasies are best left in the realm of fantasy only. She may be willing to talk about her interest in a bi experience, but actually acting on it might be another story.

Are you two into watching porn together? Watching some girl on girl porn together might be a very erotic way of exploring her fantasy without having to commit to it.

If she is really open to the idea, as Questor said, finding a bisexual civvie woman willing to join you might be difficult. I wouldn't say quite unicorn, but close. That is why a swinger's club might be ideal.

Before resorting to suggesting an escort, think about it very carefully first. Suggesting an escort may require you to be alot more forthcoming about your own experience/involvement with escorts. She will wonder how you know so much about escorting if you take the lead in looking for an escort.

When/if you two decide to take action and explore her fantasy, be sure to be supportive of her, and emphasize that her fantasies and desires are what is motivating you, and let her know that she's in control and can back out if she wants to. Including another woman can bring out body image issues, jealousy issues, that you weren't even aware of until after the fact. This is why communication is so important.

I've had some experience both as the "extra", and in having other women join in with myself and a significant other. Threesomes can be tricky, emotionally and sexually if handled badly.

[cuddlyteddybear]

Was I right? Eh? Spot on Stacy. In my response, I promised her a big kiss and she get's to pick the body part(s) that gets the kiss (or kisses...I have more). LOL.

[KCQuestor]

Originally Posted by SinsOfTheFlesh

When/if you two decide to take action and explore her fantasy, be sure to be supportive of her, and emphasize that her fantasies and desires are what is motivating you, and let her know that she's in control and can back out if she wants to. Including another woman can bring out body image issues, jealousy issues, that you weren't even aware of until after the fact. This is why communication is so important.

Stacy is so right. It needs to be low risk. She needs to know that you aren't going to:

1) Be jealous, defensive, or insecure.
2) Hold it over her head later.
3) Want some sort of quid pro quo ("You got to... so I get to...).
4) Make her do something she doesn't want to do.
5) Pay too much attention to the other woman; Make her feel bad about herself or neglected.
6) Want to do this more often than she does.

fairly strong desire to have a lesbian/bisexual encounter with me in attendance.

I'm curious, and it will impact any further comments or suggestions. Does this mean that you would just be watching her have a twosome with this woman, or would you be participating? I ask, because you mention "lesbian", which implies that you wouldn't be actively participating.

[cuddlyteddybear]

Originally Posted by KCQuestor

Stacy is so right. It needs to be low risk. She needs to know that you aren't going to:

1) Be jealous, defensive, or insecure.
2) Hold it over her head later.
3) Want some sort of quid pro quo ("You got to... so I get to...).
4) Make her do something she doesn't want to do.
5) Pay too much attention to the other woman; Make her feel bad about herself or neglected.
6) Want to do this more often than she does.


I'm curious, and it will impact any further comments or suggestions. Does this mean that you would just be watching her have a twosome with this woman, or would you be participating? I ask, because you mention "lesbian", which implies that you wouldn't be actively participating.

While we're having sex, she loves to talk about getting another woman involved with us. The way she expresses her fantasy, I'm involved. In fact, on a trip to LA not too long ago, she actually talked about getting an escort, but we both kind of chickened out. The looking and planning kind of went beyond just fantasy talk, in my opinion. She seemed very excited about it, but she started worrying about getting busted. She's married and that was her worry at that time.

I think the thing to do is just revisit that discussion and ask her if she would like me to do some research on finding a safe companion.

[NEthing4fun]

Originally Posted by cuddlyteddybear

While we're having sex, she loves to talk about getting another woman involved with us. The way she expresses her fantasy, I'm involved. In fact, on a trip to LA not too long ago, she actually talked about getting an escort, but we both kind of chickened out. The looking and planning kind of went beyond just fantasy talk, in my opinion. She seemed very excited about it, but she started worrying about getting busted. She's married and that was her worry at that time.

I think the thing to do is just revisit that discussion and ask her if she would like me to do some research on finding a safe companion.

So, your MARRIED girlfriend is only worried about being caught with an escort!?

[The DarkSide]

I need help also........I need to have this scenario to be an option for me so I need to find a lesbian girlfriend that only wants my penis and wants to have sex with as many women possible, the labido of wilt chamberlain and the body of Jessica alba! So HELP ME!