Parrot
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot? '
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot. '
'Holy crap, ' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me! '
'I got every word, ' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird. '
'Oh yeah? ' the guy asks, 'Then answer this. How do you hang onto your perch without any feet? '
'Well, ' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers. '
'Wow, ' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English, can't you? '
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion. '
The guy looks at the $200. 00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that. '
'Pssssssst, ' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20. Just make the guy an offer! '
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational.
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot says, 'Psssssssssssst, ' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man. '
'What are you talking about? ' asks the guy.
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie. '
'WHAT? ' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened? '
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over, ' reported the parrot.
'NO! ' he exclaims. 'And she let him? '
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over. '
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED? '
'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch! '
|
