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GymRat · 10-23-2010, 09:03 PM

I recently negotiated a deal with my company where instead of taking full retirement, I now work just a few hours a day from a small regional office. I have known most of the employees that share the office for many years. Most of the employees are sales associates, and usually only show up at the sales office on an occasional basis. Most spend their days on sales calls and can do most of their orders from laptops at home. A few of the sales people do like to keep work separate from home and spend a few hours at the office every day.
We have a young saleswoman (27 years old) who comes to the office every day shortly after lunch and purges whatever she had for lunch. My office is away from the cubicles that the sales staff use, and close to the restrooms. The office is almost always empty except for her and I right after lunch, and I can hear this daily ritual.
I'm really concerned about her health. She is a very slender gal, not painfully skinny, but now that I know about the eating disorder, her slight figure now makes sense to me. I work indirectly with Human Resources, and I really don't think I want to get them involved with this. Hell, to be honest, since it really doesn't effect her work, I'm not sure this is something our company would want to pursue.
I really don't know what I want to do with this. I know her well enough to approach her about this. But, she could easily listen to my concerns, and go puke elsewhere every day. I'm also aware that one conversation with me isn't going to cure her of an eating disorder. I also casually know her father. He owns a business that I have frequented on occasion. This would probably completely piss her off, but if it one day saves her life, I could care less. I know if I were her father, if I wasn't already aware of the situation, I would be grateful for the heads up.
Any suggestions? As of right now, I'm leaning towards telling the father. I also want him to assure me that after he approaches his daughter about this (assuming he doesn't already know) that he will make me aware that he has spoken with her. At that point, I will apologize for meddling into her personal life, and assure her that I only did this in her best interest.
Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated. And while I didn't give this as an option, should I simply butt out?

Don T. Lukbak · 10-23-2010, 09:28 PM

Jeepers, I would be clueless. Maybe best to seek advice from a self-help group, eating disorder anonymous if there is such a thing, or similar. I could probably more easily perform heart surgery on an extra-terrestial than understand anything to do with voluntarily ejecting perfectly good and nutritious food. My guess is the rest of the mongers are similarly ignorant on this subject.

Trey · 10-23-2010, 10:17 PM

People love to kill the messenger I would be careful. That type of thing is similar to drug addiction, they won't stop till ready. Most likely the father knows already or her mom. Stick with your job its nice and cushy its her business, you are not intervention.

Hot to Trot Daphne · 10-23-2010, 10:22 PM

If you truly want her to consider the effects and concern for her wellbeing, instead of getting mad or dismissing anything you have to say from here on out, find her some professional literature on the subject and leave it on her desk inconspicuously or in her desk. She'll be more likely to read that than listen to what she will deem as a sermon from you or her father. Remember, no matter how concerned we are about someone, it is her personal life.

Guest121310 · 10-23-2010, 10:43 PM

I like 'em thin, props to her to do whatever it takes to maintain that anorexic stripper look I like. She take P411 for screening?

GymRat · 10-23-2010, 10:51 PM

I appreciate all of your suggestions. Keep them coming! One thing I should have mentioned, I can't imagine this putting my job in jeopardy. I know where I stand in the company, I'm not going anywhere, particularly over this matter. Although it could be really awkward.
I do like your suggestion Daphne, that's something I really will consider.

Brooke Wilde · 10-24-2010, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luxury daphne

If you truly want her to consider the effects and concern for her wellbeing, instead of getting mad or dismissing anything you have to say from here on out, find her some professional literature on the subject and leave it on her desk inconspicuously or in her desk.

I agree. I think that is a very good idea.

LexusLover · 10-24-2010, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GymRat

I do like your suggestion Daphne, that's something I really will consider.

"Anonymous" messages left on someone's desk creates an emotional stress on the recipient, because he or she is left wondering who it may have been "who knows" and that simply creates more anxiety, which contributes to the already distressed circumstances of the recipient.

It is difficult to approach someone directly about such matters, but ...

... do you really believe she does not know she has "a problem"?

BTW: Is she "hot"?

GymRat · 10-24-2010, 08:41 AM

Yeah, she is hot. Do you think I would even bother if she wasn't? Just kidding, I'll go to hell for that one.
And yeah, I would hope she sees her purging as a problem. But does she know how quickly it could kill her, probably not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LexusLover

"Anonymous" messages left on someone's desk creates an emotional stress on the recipient, because he or she is left wondering who it may have been "who knows" and that simply creates more anxiety, which contributes to the already distressed circumstances of the recipient.

It is difficult to approach someone directly about such matters, but ...

... do you really believe she does not know she has "a problem"?

BTW: Is she "hot"?

enderwiggin · 10-24-2010, 09:04 AM

Just mention in the offing that you're available to her if she ever needs to "talk" to someone and leave it at that. I've learned the hard way not to get too involved in coworkers personal issues -- it can backfire. They rarely thank you for your efforts and concern, instead feel as if you're barging into their lives.

The question you should be asking yourself is are you really in a position to help? Do you have the knowledge, information and training to handle an issue like that? Counselors study and train for years to handle body image issues and eating disorders, and they still fail to help a good percentage of their patients.

Just be careful. You may be biting off more than you can chew.

macksback · 10-24-2010, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup

I like 'em thin, props to her to do whatever it takes to maintain that anorexic stripper look I like. She take P411 for screening?

+1. If thats how she keeps looking good thats her deal.

GymRat · 10-24-2010, 09:32 AM

All kidding aside about her looks, she really is a nice kid, and I hate to think about the potential danger that goes along with this eating disorder. And trust me, I have had my ass handed to me on a silver platter numerous times for doing what I considered to be the right thing. But, I would trade all of those times for the times when I didn't do what I felt was right, and something ugly happened as a consequence. Who knows, maybe one day Karma will repay me? I'll keep buying lottery tickets just in case!
I know very little about eating disorders. I think the best I can hope for, is to get her to take advantage of our Employee Assistance Program. We have a mental health benefit that allows out patient counseling free of charge for the first few months, then our insurance kicks in, and the sessions are dirt cheap. (All of this can be done anonymously.) At best, I hope I can get her to consider this option.

redbull75 · 10-24-2010, 08:28 PM

I think Don made a very good suggestion. Also be sure to check online for more information regarding this issue. However let me warn you right now, whatever route you choose, it will not end well. Be prepared to have a strained relationship with that young lady.
I will be honest, it is a rather difficult issue where step 1 is simply recognizing that you have a problem. This lady needs tons of emotional support and therapy if she is have any hope to overcome this.
Good luck.

gnadfly · 10-24-2010, 09:46 PM

Do you think you have a chance at banging her? If not, why play white knight confessor father? As you've probably seen in your 30+ years in corporate America, women love to wring out male co-workers (who aren't hot) in order to get ahead. They've created an environment were a simple, well intended remark is grounds for a co-worker to be frog marched out the doors of the business that he spent decades building up. If she had a *sniff* nose problem *sniff* would you bring the same well intentioned advice?

Don't stick your neck out for no one. Especially a skirt.

Next time she shows up be eating a #1 McDonalds supersized meal at your desk.

Hot to Trot Daphne · 10-25-2010, 05:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GymRat

I appreciate all of your suggestions. Keep them coming! One thing I should have. mentioned, I can't imagine this putting my job in jeopardy. I know where I stand in the company, I'm not going. anywhere, particularly over this matter. Although it could. be really awkward.
I do like your suggestion Daphne, that's something I really. will consider.

All jokes aside,if what you really have in mind is her life and her best interest, all real change comes from the inside. If she becomes aware of the consequence without any other flawed human preaching or pressuring, the. internal wheels will start turning...which is what you want. Anything else will most likely make her withdraw from anyone involved and the problem not only remains but goes unnoticed.

I commend you for caring enough about someone else to even go through the bother. Am I my brother's keeper? That is an individual question under which most of our human dilemma rests on IMHO of course. At the same time, do what is best for you and yours.

I wish her the best of luck.