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The Sandbox The Sandbox is a collection of off-topic discussions. Humorous threads, Sports talk, and a wide variety of other topics can be found here. If it's NOT an adult-themed topic, then it belongs here

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Old 09-10-2012, 08:41 AM   #1
arkansasflyer
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Default My feeble attempt at humor

NOTE: I did this just for laughs...For the ladies, its a business model for failure!

PS.....Thank god for ladies like SNL!

DATE: August
PROVIDER: Wife
PHONE: N/A
EMAIL: N/A
URL: N/A
City: Mine
STATE: AR
ADDRESS: Mine
APPOINTMENT TYPE: Outcall
DID THE APPOINTMENT TAKE PLACE AT THE AGREED TIME: No scheduling nightmare.
ACTIVITIES: UCFS. Mish, No BJ, NO MP, NO MSOG
SESSION LENGTH: 15 minutes
FEE: Blood, sweat, tears, and lots of aggrivation
HAIR, Length and color: mid length brunette
AGE: 30's
SMOKING STATUS: NS
ETHNIC BACKGROUND: White
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: 5'6 about 170LBS. Curvy. Large 38DD breast. On the verge of BBW. Natural down below.
RECOMENDATION: NO

REST OF STORY:

I see this lady about once a month. Instead of being greeted like SNL does in sexy lingere, I get cotton pajamas, with granny panties. Very difficult to remove by the way. She is a clock watcher, and has the attitude of she would rather be sleeping or doing laundry. Menu is extremely limited, although no protection required. No MSOG allowed. She claims she is too sensitive for multiples. I have tried for 7 years to see her more than once a month or to expand the menu to no avail.


I got a good laugh out of this....and a few of you gents are in the same situation!!!!
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Old 09-10-2012, 09:29 AM   #2
Sweet N Little
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LOL!!! Too funny Arknight!


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Old 09-10-2012, 09:33 AM   #3
diveguy6
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That's funny shit!!! One of the reasons I have two ex-wives lmao
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Old 09-10-2012, 09:41 AM   #4
Josey Wales
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I could have written that, except for the physical description. I admit my wife is attractive but has no sex drive. Surely the problem is her and not me, right?
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Old 09-10-2012, 10:15 AM   #5
MrHappy4u
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Understand, AF. I've taught at least 3 dogs how to beg by letting them sleep in the bedroom . . .

You mentioned clock watching. Ever heard the line, "Are you through yet?"
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Old 09-10-2012, 11:02 AM   #6
arkansasflyer
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"Are you done yet"... "Hurry up so I can go to sleep"

She has more excuses than Bush's got beans.
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Old 09-10-2012, 02:59 PM   #7
Ginger Doll
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josey Wales View Post
I could have written that, except for the physical description. I admit my wife is attractive but has no sex drive. Surely the problem is her and not me, right?
The problem is definitely her, Josey. I've always thought that you're a cutie!
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Old 09-10-2012, 03:10 PM   #8
Sweet N Little
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arkansasflyer View Post
"Are you done yet"... "Hurry up so I can go to sleep"

She has more excuses than Bush's got beans.
That's a lot of beans!


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Old 09-10-2012, 04:39 PM   #9
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Ginger, after seeing that bathtub full of beans, that gives me a birthday idea...as MrH would say, I'm under you...lol wait, it involves a large friggin spoon, a big ass bib, and striped thigh highs...::
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Old 09-10-2012, 09:37 PM   #10
Josey Wales
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Thanks Ginger. And the feeling is mutual.
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:25 AM   #11
arkansasflyer
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Damn SNL where do you find this stuff? Your Pc must have more fun pics than days I'm horny!!! LMAO.

Favorite quotes"leave me alone. It hasn't been a month yet.
"You are a sex maniac"

And my ATF

"Go bother somebody else and leave me the hell alone"

No problem!!!!
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Old 09-11-2012, 05:16 PM   #12
Howl at the Moon
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Reminds me of this software description that used to run around the net:

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.

Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:
¨ A "Don't remind me again" button - Minimize button
¨ An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources.
¨ An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

BUG WARNING

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

BUG WORK-AROUNDS

To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.
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Old 09-12-2012, 11:23 AM   #13
arkansasflyer
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That's funny.

I think's funny a wife can call you selfish for wanting sex more than once a month.
Yet she does not think her actions are selfish in the least.

Ironically, forced sex is a crime, forced abstianance is not.

Hence...here I am....now to only get more hobby funds....
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:03 PM   #14
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The only thing I hear about once every 6 or 8 weeks is "if you just have to" or "don't wake me up when you're finished just put my night gown back down".
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Old 09-14-2012, 05:31 PM   #15
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Lmao ya'll guys have me rolling on the floor!!! Too funny!!
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