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Bancroft1957 · 10-05-2011, 09:55 AM

It's really just a case of don't ask, don't tell!

Quote:

Originally Posted by GP

I find it interestingly funny that the OP got grilled in the first 2 replies like it was all completely his fault.

Guest091813 · 10-05-2011, 12:04 PM

lol..this thread is crackin me up...

..when a lady asks you that type of question..

just lean in to her closely take her hands into yours... look deep into her eyes and say this...

"baby..this just aint that kinda party"....

then change the subject by saying this to her this..

" sugar,,I need to know..do you like licking ice cream cones"?

She'll get the point and you'll get the.......

Jon Colden · 10-05-2011, 06:24 PM

I understand that it's a hot button issue for the OP, but isn't it a rather innocent question, after all? Possibly distracting, perhaps slightly deflating, but there are several logical reasons why the question might be asked. It seems sort of self-defeating to have forbidden topics of conversation during an encounter. At that point, I think the goal should be continuing toward a successful date. If an unwanted question comes up, smoothly brush it aside and stay on target.

Personally, I found questions asked of me about other escorts more distracting, but I've learned how to deal with them quickly and keep rolling.

My point isn't that the OP isn't right to feel the way he does, he's entitled to feel any way he wishes, but that, once the psychology behind the dialog is more fully explored, it's understandable how and why the question might arise, and it's something that one can expect to occur over and over. Better to have a confident and comfortable way of handling it than dreading it coming up again, because it probably is going to come up again and again.

I understand that all of this is supposed to be a grand illusion, one that surpasses the reality of our lives, so having the coping skills to keep the illusion going seems better to me than having it shatter and then trying to rebuild it all over again.

Interacting with people always means that they might potentially ask or do something we don't really appreciate. There are always going to be questions that could be asked that might make us uncomfortable. For the goal-oriented person, it isn't allowed to detract from things; whereas for the process-oriented person, it could be highly disruptive.

MajorHands · 10-05-2011, 08:01 PM

It's funny...I lean toward the opposite pole on this issue. I enjoy a bit of interaction on both our parts that reflects some of our real world sensibilities. Injecting a bit of genuineness into the appointment helps me feel more connected, which enhances the experience.

There's a well known and well reviewed provider I've only managed to see once so far. Our first appointment went really well and was nicely intense. Still, we haven't managed to have an encore as of yet. Through a convoluted set of circumstances that would take longer to tell than the post merits, I got the chance to hang out with her and a few other folks in a social setting where she was her real world self. Getting to visit with her under those circumstances made me very motivated to see her again. Seeing the "real" her made her incredibly more attractive to me. Go figure.

When you consider that there are probably more than a few folks like me who enjoy interpersonal sharing to go along with the those seeking complete anonymity; it has to be tough for a provider to suss out which flavor of client each may be on this issue. It sounds like it would be a pretty easy to deflect or redirect a conversation away from undesirable topics as needed.

Jon Colden · 10-05-2011, 08:33 PM

I am the same way, looking to make a small connection so that everything goes even better than one could otherwise expect.

But I've also had to admit, sadly, that sometimes too much of that undermines the encounter and the friendship, and does more "harm" than "good," in that the illusion fades away completely and that isn't always as good a thing as one might hope.

When it works, it works GREAT. When it doesn't, it sucks. I've lost escort/friends this way, and that really sucks. Anytime a person invests in a friendship and it fails, it's a lousy feeling, and in this context, it's even lousier.

But generally-speaking, I agree with you, Majorhands, and as far as I'm concerned, I can usually work through almost any question of whatever sort and still keep things headed in the right direction. I don't think it helps to make someone feel self-conscious about what she can and cannot ask; I'm shooting for maximum openness between us, as it were.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MajorHands

It's funny...I lean toward the opposite pole on this issue. I enjoy a bit of interaction on both our parts that reflects some of our real world sensibilities. Injecting a bit of genuineness into the appointment helps me feel more connected, which enhances the experience.

When you consider that there are probably more than a few folks like me who enjoy interpersonal sharing to go along with the those seeking complete anonymity; it has to be tough for a provider to suss out which flavor of client each may be on this issue. It sounds like it would be a pretty easy to deflect or redirect a conversation away from undesirable topics as needed.

Jon Colden · 10-05-2011, 08:37 PM

But I don't mean to suggest that Bankcroft1957 is wrong in any way whatsoever. In some respects, his approach is safer and wiser than mine.

Bancroft1957 · 10-05-2011, 10:04 PM

I don't mind taking heat for asking my question. I think it's great to see both the funny, and also insightful answers.

I don't become a blubbering, quivering, mass of jelly, should a lady ask about my wife and kids.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jon Colden

I understand that it's a hot button issue for the OP, but isn't it a rather innocent question, after all? Possibly distracting, perhaps slightly deflating, but there are several logical reasons why the question might be asked. It seems sort of self-defeating to have forbidden topics of conversation during an encounter. At that point, I think the goal should be continuing toward a successful date. If an unwanted question comes up, smoothly brush it aside and stay on target.

Personally, I found questions asked of me about other escorts more distracting, but I've learned how to deal with them quickly and keep rolling.

My point isn't that the OP isn't right to feel the way he does, he's entitled to feel any way he wishes, but that, once the psychology behind the dialog is more fully explored, it's understandable how and why the question might arise, and it's something that one can expect to occur over and over. Better to have a confident and comfortable way of handling it than dreading it coming up again, because it probably is going to come up again and again.

I understand that all of this is supposed to be a grand illusion, one that surpasses the reality of our lives, so having the coping skills to keep the illusion going seems better to me than having it shatter and then trying to rebuild it all over again.

Interacting with people always means that they might potentially ask or do something we don't really appreciate. There are always going to be questions that could be asked that might make us uncomfortable. For the goal-oriented person, it isn't allowed to detract from things; whereas for the process-oriented person, it could be highly disruptive.

sailor1500 · 10-07-2011, 05:49 AM

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by the vehemence of the responses here, on both sides. People have trouble understanding other perspectives.

The OP's question is similar to one I asked a couple of years ago, when I happened upon a string of married providers -- married and wearing their diamond rings. Never mind whether I took MY ring off -- they didn't. And I discovered that was bothering me. So I asked on BGFE and terb.ca for the opinions of others. Got an earful!

http://www.bestgfe.com/forum/showthr...ILF-is-married

http://terb.ca/vbulletin/showthread....ied&highlight=

One last comment: Taking off my ring wouldn't help much. As one provider told me, it's one of the first things a professional provider looks at, and they can tell when there's any kind of tan line, callous line, whatever. It takes a LONG time for evidence of a ring to wear off.

SweetElizabeth · 10-07-2011, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sailor1500

I

One last comment: Taking off my ring wouldn't help much. As one provider told me, it's one of the first things a professional provider looks at, and they can tell when there's any kind of tan line, callous line, whatever. It takes a LONG time for evidence of a ring to wear off.

That's hilarious!

If you're married or have been married, it typically shows in character; Or tongue lashing...

Lexxxy · 10-11-2011, 03:16 PM

I always think its weird when someone asks about my kids, how old my oldest is and how young my youngest is, and how many I have... I have none, babies scare the bajeezeezz out of me and I wouldn't just go around popping kids out and then leaving them to travel all over the country haha. When I bite the bullet aka: get monogamous and reproduce, I am going to be an obsessive parent from hell that dresses their kids like matching accessories that knows what they are doing at all times until they are 16 then I will set them free to rain down havoc and mayhem on the world.