The Unsuccessful Long-Term Hobby Relationship

[Stewie griffen]

Be glad you got burned, its truly a hard heart that never does.

[Observing]

Originally Posted by rockerrick

It'd be nice if you stopped running your big mouth once and a while.
Hey maybe use the extra time to learn to use the fucking multi quote function so your post aren't so God damn retarded!

Rock on Ricky!

[squiretuck]

My only saving grace in the hobby is knowing that the ladies truly have no interest in me other than than my money. It really hurts sometimes and gets me quite depressed because I walk away from encounters feeling completely empty (not spent). I can see myself in your former situation so easily. Thanks for sharing your story; it keeps things in perspective. You're a good man, Z.

[chuckles]

A very sad story. It's amazing how we ALL lie to ourselves about these matters. We want to be loved and be special to someone so badly. I've been involved in hot/cold RW relationship for past 6 months. She went away for a month, then came back-yaay. Sitting here tonight being stood up for 2nd time in 3 days trying to convince myself she has really good reason this time. And I'm sure she will have a good reason, she's an expert at good reasons. Guess it's time to draw that line in the sand and not go back. IJS, I know how your feel.

[TemptationTammie]

I agree with Chuckles, we all want to be loved. Which is why the illusion may appear real sometimes. And maybe it's why we are so easily blinded at times.
Nobody deserves to be hurt by a relationship that is based almost solely on lies or half truths.
Granted, we deal with lies every day within the hobby.
For the ladies, most of the guys on here admit that they are married or involved but then there are those who lie to get free sessions or other perks from ladies.
For the guys, maybe the lady is wanting more of a sugar daddy, or many other reasons.

[Tan Khan]

Originally Posted by GingerLyn Harte

A relationship that begins in the hobby will always be a hobby relationship.

True words. In most cases a working girl will see a John as a John. She may lead you to believe otherwise, but who we are in their eyes doesn't change.

Betrayals are so difficult to handle. Best wishes Z

[knotty man]

i had an atf with whom i always had very passionate sessions and felt a real connection.
but at the end of every seesion she would pat my butt and say "ill fuck with your balls, but ill never fuck with your heart.
it was her way of making sure my mind was right as we parted ways.
i always appreciated that.

[catfish76]

My own take has always been as follows.

It's impossible for me to see a girl more than a couple of times without feeling some kind of affection for her, to see her as a woman I like rather than as just someone to get off with. Occasionally, there's some degree of authentic reciprocity, i.e. she isn't pretending to like me, she thinks of me as person rather than as a John. However, she likes me in the same way that a good-natured used car salesman does: he may laugh at my jokes and have some interest in my stories, but in the end he wants to close the deal and to get my money. Similarly, my favorite providers may like my company, but when all is said and done they want the bills on the counter and for me to be out of their lives. That's just the way it is, and if it were otherwise I wouldn't be paying and she wouldn't be taking my money.

That doesn't change the fact that I've dealt with car salesmen that I liked and would do business with again or have a beer with, and girls here whose company I genuinely enjoy outside the physical part.

[lizshue81]

Originally Posted by ztonk

Observing: You are so needy! Answers inline:



For the rest of you, thanks for the responses!

z

I don't think hobby stuff matters that much in a relationship where both (or all) parties are completely open and honest. Communication is crucial and I don't believe it can work without clear and effective communication. Especially for polyamorous relationships. It sounds like you had a good thing goin, Z. Sorry it had to end like that instead of with an honest (and probably difficult) conversation.

It's not ridiculous to think hookers and johns can care about one another and develope friendships and more. There are a lot of possibilities between empty sex for money and monogamous matrimony. I love you all in one way or another. Don't get it twisted, I'm not packing up a UHaul or anything. Lol

[The Infamous One]

Ughhh. I'm sorry, Ztonk. You seen like a nice guy. The true nice guy seems to always finish last. Sometimes you are the victim. Sometimes you are the asshole in the room. I've been on both sides...Usually the other end. It stings. I think we tend to believe what we want sometimes. But there are always three sides to the story. The truth somewhere in the middle of each person's perspective. Maybe your opinion about this whole thing will change in time. We each can choose to take responsibility for our screw Up's even if it seems one sided at the time. Oddly, it helps take the sting out, once you are ready to look at it, in my opinion.

Best,

TIO

[avalanche16]

From the looks of things, this seemed one sided from the start. You must have been deeply infatuated by her or just longing for a relationship to ignore the clear cut signs. She was keeping you at a distance pretty much the entire decade. Not sure what leads hobbyists into having faith in a hobby relationship and vice versa. Anyways, is she OPEC? Lol jk.

[gerbboy]

I know the feeling zonk. I had an ATF who I saw exclusively for a couple of years. I liked her and we got along well. I'm pretty sure she wanted more of a relationship than I could give her. I have a common personal limitation that other hobbyists have that kept me from being able to do that. I'm also not the best "boyfriend" out there. I could have treated her better than I did. I wasn't mean to her but I wasn't very thoughtful about her feelings either. Anyway she finally ended our relationship. Said she was getting out of the hobby. I haven't hobbied much since then. I have a legit MT who helps me out. She's got the same limitation I have so we have an understanding and I try to be nicer to her. Ask her how she's doing. Take some interest in her beyond what I want from her. So yeah, these things happen. You think you can keep things simple. But then life happens.

[Treetop78759]

I think Z is trolling or Whispers would have chimed in. No way Whispers could stay silent this long. He's trolling with a trot line because we all took the bait.

[Guest010218]

Originally Posted by Treetop78759

I think Z is trolling or Whispers would have chimed in. No way Whispers could stay silent this long. He's trolling with a trot line because we all took the bait.

Did you ever stop to think that Whispers has known about this situation from Ztonk, not news to him. Also, Ztonk may be one of the few on this board for whom Whispers has respect, based on Ztonk's contributions to the board and the members.

Kudos to Ztonk for opening up about his heartache over this lady. He shared it with the idea of helping others better understand the pitfalls of becoming too involved, and crossing boundaries. We all do it to some extent, and Ztonk is helping us to understand that all may not turn out well. In fact, it often does not turn out well.

[Treetop78759]

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