ABQ- Episode 16- Sense of Dread- Part 2 of 2- Finale

[Guest072414]

If you missed Episode one thru fifteen they are all scattered in the Sandbox. And have provided the links as well.
Episode 1- http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=852037
Episode 2- http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=860786
Episode 3- http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=872510
Episode 4- http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=879098
Episode 5 http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=885633
Episode 6- http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=905614
Episode 7- http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=925055
Episode 8- http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=940471
Episode 9- http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=954859
Episode 10- http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=967986
Episode 11- http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=973317
Episode 12- http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=985678
Episode 13- http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=1023202
Episode 14- http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=1036669
Episode 15- http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=1078470

All episodes must be read in order otherwise none of this is going to make any fuckin sense. Drama...aint no drama like what ABQ has gone thru. Feel me? I suffer from dramaitis. Episodes must be read in order to understand what is going on.
Disclaimer…. This is for entertainment purposes only anything else that happens between the author and the reader is purely fictional in nature. This is a mostly fictional dramatic tale End of Disclaimer.

These episodes played more like cliff notes. (Wrote this before finishing final episode.) For those haters that hated to see episode after episode I say bite me. Because you missed out on one heck of a story. For those that read it and wanted me to finish this masterpiece I say thank you. My only hope is that all of this was posted since the final events of this episode may have precluded that.

Thank You

It has been less than ten minutes since the blindfold has been removed. To my left sits Don Fernando, I hate that bitch. Have not seen him in quite some time and wonder why he is here. He has on a yellow polo that is one size too small which just is meant to show up his large biceps. Directly across from me at this large table sits Isaac Medina, who is the second in command of the organization which cannot be named. To my right are two of Fernando’s goons that do not talk. They must be new. Then again when four of his family members die in the past week well I guess one has to bring in some new blood from down south.

It is obvious this is some type of safe house. Not sure where we are since I had a damn blindfold on the whole ride. My guess is somewhere south of San Antonio only based on where he had previous safe houses. The table is stacked with plenty of dishes. There is a dish of creamy chicken enchiladas, some black bean salsa along with a dish of guacamole, nachos and of course nacho cheese dip. A big plate of mini taco salad cups which I have to say look damn good. Cheesy Mexican pasta bake, Tomatillos and chili sauce, and another large plate of Quesadillas. Question I have is where did they get all of this food? I have a gut instinct what this is and the thought does not please ABQ.

“Rodrigo es mejor comer.” Says Fernando
“No tengo hambre” Was all I say

I see his forehead stiffen. “You have two choices either eat with us, your family or we will shove some of this food down your fuckin cunt ass throat.” He takes out a knife of all things and points it to me.

“Well if you put it that way.” With that I put a chicken enchilada, a quesadilla and one of those mini taco salad cups on my plate. Then Fernando pours me a shot of Don Pilar Tequila Anejo. I have to say this tequila puts patron to shame. With that I start with the chicken enchilada. One thing I have to say despite my surroundings this is going to be one hell of a wonderful meal. Will make ABQ put on at least five pounds. Cannot believe all of this food. I glance at Fernando who now also puts a bottle of 3 Amigos Tequila Blanco on the table. That is some good shit tequila homies.

Forty five minutes later

Fernando and his asshole of a self pushes his chair to me. “Rodrigo this has been a difficult week for me. I lost four family members. And over what? Because we stole some barrels on Cheetos from Frito Lay? If anything you started this. Now we have a senseless war with a company that thinks they are better than this family. That thinks they can get away with killing members of our family. What we did in El Paso was just the start. They picked the wrong Mexican to fuck with, the wrong Cartel. Sure, we may not be as big as other factions or of absolute brutality. But when pushed I fight back with extreme vengeance. Here is what I do not get you wanted to steal that truck so you called Cabron. I agreed to help you and I did. What happens you turn your back on family again by not doing what I say. That was always the problem with you. You thought you were bigger than what you were. You did not know your place.” Fernando pauses and takes another shot of the 3 Amigos Blanco tequila.

“So after what I found out which I will get to soon even after all of that and what happened four years ago. I still have use for you Rodrigo. There is still a place for you in this family. Remember what I said four years ago when I allowed you to leave? That you owe me a favor. I will do something I have never done for anyone else and turn the other cheek at your continued betrayal toward me. I will let you back into the family. It takes taken all my patience and resolve to reach this decision.”

“What do you want from me Fernando?”

“This is business and I have succeeded by always putting business first. I will do that yet again. I will put aside my anger, my rage, my boiling desire to want to chop you up into a million pieces and bury you in Juarez. I will put all of it aside because all you have to do is create some narco-corrido for us. I know you think you have musical talent so prove it. Prove it to this family that you want forgiveness. Prove to me that four family members did not die for nothing. Prove to me that I need to take a step back from vengeance.”

A narco-corrido is a sub-genre of the Mexican norteño-corrido (northern ballad) music genre, a traditional folk music from northern Mexico, from which other several genres have evolved. This type of music is heard on both sides of the US–Mexican border. It uses a danceable, accordion-based polka as a rhythmic base. The first corridos that focus on drug smugglers—the narco comes from "narcotics"—have been dated by Juan Ramírez-Pimienta to the 1930s. Early corridos (non-narco) go back as far to the Mexican Revolution of 1910, telling the stories of revolutionary fighters. Music critics have also compared narco corrido music to gangster rap.

Narco corrido lyrics refer to particular events and include real dates and places. The lyrics tend to speak approvingly of illegal activities such as murder, torture, racketeering, extortion, drug smuggling, illegal immigration, and sometimes political protest due to government corruption.

Between 2006 and 2008, over a dozen prominent Mexican musicians, many of them connected to the narco corrido genre, were murdered. The violence came in the midst of the Mexican drug war. The most popular musicians killed were Valentín Elizalde, and Sergio Gómez, the lead singer of Chicago-based Duranguense band K-Paz de la Sierra. In December 2007, both men were nominated posthumously for Grammy Awards in the banda category. On June 26, 2010, Sergio Vega, known as El Shaka, was gunned down in Sinaloa state. He was shot dead only hours after he had denied reports of his own murder. Ramiro Caro, Gerardo Ortiz's Manager and cousin was also killed when Gerardo Ortiz's Chevy Suburban was attacked by men with AK-47's at an attempt to kill Gerardo Ortiz. Gerardo Ortiz escaped unhurt but Ramiro Caro was killed.

Other murdered music industry figures include Javier Morales Gómez a singer for Los Implacables del Norte, four members of Tecno Banda Fugaz, four members of Los Padrinos de la Sierra, Zayda Peña, singer for Zayda Y Los Culpables, trumpeter José Luis Aquino of Los Conde, record producer Marco Abdalá, manager Roberto del Fierro Lugo, Jorge Antonio Sepúlveda, Jesús Rey David Alfaro Pulido, Nicolás Villanueva of tropical group Brisas del Mar, and four members of Los Herederos de Sinaloa. Three members of Explosión Norteña were shot and wounded in Tijuana in August 2006. In October 2010 the singer Fabian Ortega Pinon (El Halcon de la Sierra) was executed along with two other victims in Guerrero, Chihuahua.

While few if any arrests have been made in these cases, experts and musicians themselves say that the murders can be explained by many Mexican musicians’ proximity to drug traffickers. Some speculate the killings could be related to romantic disputes and jealousy. Others cite cases in which a musician writes a song praising or criticizing a drug trafficker. Many assert that Valentín Elizalde's murder, for example, was related to a song of his, "A Mis Enemigos," which some interpreted as an attack on the Gulf Cartel following its appearance in a widespread YouTube video.
There has been debate over the motives behind the killings and over to whether the media has exaggerated the trend. Narco corrido expert Elijah Wald has disputed the assumption that any of the murders were related or that musicians on the whole are targets for drug traffickers. But given the grisly nature of the murders, some of which were accompanied by torture and disfigurement, few doubt that drug cartel hit-men are to blame.

In the wake of the high-profile murders of Elizalde and Gómez, among others, some prominent corrido musicians postponed concert dates in certain parts of Mexico. Many Mexican American narco corrido singers have limited their tours into high violent cities in Mexico. While inside the United States many travel with relatively ease and security. Many take extra precautions while venturing into Mexico by hiring extra security, traveling in well-guarded caravans and not being as open to the public in larger concerts. Others have said they are afraid to sing narco corridos in public for fear of offending the wrong person. Likewise, some vendors of narco corrido CDs have reported low sales, citing fear among listeners of buying a CD featuring songs favoring one group of traffickers over another. This fears once thought silly and over paranoid have become very real as Mexico has become the most dangerous country not only for journalist but for anyone who speaks up or is affiliated with the opposing cartel. The Zetas cartel has been known to torture and kill online and Social media bloggers who speak about them. In one incident the tortured and mutilated body of a man and a woman were found hanging of a bridge in the city of Nuevo León in September 2011. A sign stating “"This is going to happen to all the Internet busybodies," was found next to them signed with the letter Z.

Narco corridos describe the lives of the poor, destitute and of those who seek power through violent means. Like hip-hop and rap music, narco corridos are listened to by a large portion of Spanish speakers who greatly vary in age and is widely popular among people who are not associated with cartels or gangs. The genre is becoming mainstream in many Spanish speaking countries in recent years; it is now entering countries like Guatemala, Honduras, Colombia, Peru and Bolivia, countries which at first had never heard of the genre in the past but are now playing the music on an everyday basis. Some performers have composed songs either dedicated to or paying tribute to some of the world's most controversial characters (besides drug cartel leaders), from Pancho Villa to communist revolutionary Che Guevara and even now deceased terrorist Osama Bin Laden.

Some say this is the next hip-hop is a bit of a stretch to me though. The narco corrido is a Mexican style of ballad that draws from mariachi, blues and country music elements, with a tempo and accordion accompaniment straight out of polka. It's a strange mix. Stranger still are the lyrics, which find melodious ways to exalt violent, ruthless drug dealers, the kind who assassinate cops and decapitate snitches. Actual drug trafficking gangs often commission the songs, both inspiring and taking inspiration from their grisly lyrics. Yet Fernando sits next to me wanting me to write this type of music and sing it and have every cartel hit-man after me. Maybe it is his way of getting more business as well as a slow death for ABQ. Gotta hang it to the prick it is a win-win situation for him.

“And what do I get out of this?” I ask.
“You get to live Rodrigo.” Was all Fernando had to say.
“I have spent the better part of over a year trying to start a new life and get away from my past and the bad things I have done. It does not make much sense for me to go back to that lifestyle.” I turn and see Isaac with a tear coming down his cheek.

“You mean the straight and arrow lifestyle where you have a few retired US Marshalls after you? You mean the same lifestyle where it was your idea to steal a distribution truck? You mean you trying your damdest to “break good” and have failed at every turn. The same lifestyle were you made the choice once I did you a favor and you fucked my wife.” His voice rises with every word.

“You mean Antiana, your trophy wife. Your wife who will not fuck you. Who cannot stand to look at you. Who regrets ever marrying you. The one you stole from me.” At this point I do not care my anger is also building up.
Fernando rises up and grabs me by the throat and squeezes. “Now you listen you fuckin bendajo you had the chance but your ass was too stupid to marry the woman. You had plenty of chances. After a while I got sick of seeing that. I got sick of you thinking you were better than me. So I used my power and influence and I took her from you. Make no mistake Rodrigo women love a man with money and power. You worked for me what could you give her that I could not 100-fold. You had your chance and you blew it.” He releases his choke on me and takes a step back.

I look at Isaac who says nothing but is wiping a tear from his face.
“I have a condition.” I tell him almost like I have balls of steel. But also knowing he will not accept.
Fernando starts to laugh uncontrollably. “I do not negotiate with you it is a take it or leave it offer. But I want to be humored so I will hear you out.”
“I want Aitiana back.”

I did not think he could laugh even louder but he did. “She is mine Rodrigo. All mine and nothing you will ever do will change that. The answer is NO!”

“Hey this is business right? You want me to constantly loom over my shoulder at the potential of betting murdered then I want Aitiana back. Hell you just view her as a prize anyway.”
“Rodrigo I hate to burst your little ego, I hate to burst your bubble but she just gave you a sympathy fuck. A fuck to say hi and never return.” Fernando tells me. I can tell he wants to kill me right here and right now.
“Best sympathy fuck I ever had Fernando. She was screaming in ecstasy, she sucked my cock like I was dirt and she was a vacuum. She ever do that with you? Oh I forgot she just lays there so you can put your tic tac and be done in thirty seconds.” With that Fernando punches me hard in the face. I grab my jaw to feel if anything is broken.

“I will give you an hour to think it over. Isaac make sure Rodrigo does not get up. “I got to make a few calls.” With that Fernando walks out of the kitchen.

I turn my attention to Isaac who once again wipes a tear from his eye. Then turn to my right as one of the goons looks at me with an absolute empty expression. I am thinking what the heck is going on here. I know Isaac is not tearing up over me.
“Isaas what is the deal? Why you crying for?”
“I am not crying.” Is his defensive response.
“I have seen you sob, wipe tears from your eyes since we started to eat dinner. Cmon what gives?”

“We saw “The Fault in our Stars last week.” Goon #1 says to me. “Isaac was crying like a baby.”
“Hey watch your damn mouth and no one said you could speak. Isaac pauses as he lowers his head. It stays there for a good twenty seconds before he lifts his head.

“Rodrigo I am almost positive what your answer will be. So I am about to tell you something I never ever told anyone else not even Fernando.” He motions for the two goons to get lost. He takes out his Beretta Pico .380 and places it on the table.
“Have you seen the movie?”
“No comment!” Was all that I had to say about that.

“We have been looking for you for the past week or so and in that time I got bored so me and a few family members had a brodate yesterday and went to see the movie again. I knew I should not of saw it and I knew how it would affect me. But I went anyway. I needed to see it. Yes, there are those motherfuckers on rotten tomatoes who call themselves reviewers who say it is too melodramatic, that it is manipulative to the audience. That there is a sappy cliffhanger every fifteen minutes. Yes, on one level it is about being in love for the first time and what that means. That it is a sad teenage romance movie. But it is also a movie about hope and having someone and leaving this earth knowing you left your mark on even a few people. That is its message. So for all those people who do not understand it I say fuck them bitches. Melodramatic? I read the reviews fuck it is a movie about cancer. What do you expect?

You may be thinking why did it affect me so much? How can it affect someone that does what I do for a living? I am human just as you are Rodrigo. I was dealt a very bad hand and every time I wanted a new hand the deck was taken away from me. In retrospect, when I look back I wish there were things I did differently. I said this before and will say it again people who have never experienced cancer or had family members have it will never understand what it is like to walk in their shoes. I did not grow up in Mexico, I grew up in Eidenberg and had a pretty good childhood until I was fourteen. They say life is one of peaks and valleys. That one never knows what the next day will bring and that is correct. The downward spiral of my life happened the day my sister Bianca on March 18th of that year was diagnosed with Lymphoma cancer at the age of eleven. It all started with a cold that would not go away and that turned to bronchitis and a mild form of pneumonia. It is a parents’ worst nightmare.

At first we all thought it was Leukemia which is a cancer that starts in early blood-forming cells. Most often, leukemia is a cancer of the white blood cells, but some leukemia’s start in other blood cell types. Any of the cells from the bone marrow can turn into a leukemia cell. Once this change takes place, the leukemia cells don’t go through the normal process of maturing. Leukemia cells might reproduce quickly, and not die when they should. They survive and build up in the bone marrow, crowding out normal cells. In most cases, the leukemia cells spill into the bloodstream fairly quickly. From there it can go to other parts of the body such as the lymph nodes, spleen, liver, central nervous system (the brain and spinal cord), testicles, or other organs, where they can keep other cells in the body from functioning normally.

Lymphocytes: These are the main cells that make up lymphoid tissue, a major part of the body’s immune system. Lymphoid tissue is found in many places in the body, including the lymph nodes, thymus, spleen, tonsils and adenoids, and bone marrow. It is also scattered through the digestive system and respiratory system.
Lymphocytes develop from cells called lymphoblasts to become mature, infection-fighting cells. There are 2 main types of lymphocytes:

B lymphocytes (B cells) help protect the body against germs such as bacteria and viruses. They make proteins called antibodies that attach to the germ, marking it for destruction by other parts of the immune system.
T lymphocytes (T cells) also help protect the body against germs. Some types of T cells destroy germs directly, while others play a role in either boosting or slowing the activity of other immune system cells.

Bianca was diagnosed with Lymphoblastic Lymphoma that can appear in both B-cells and T-cells, but is much more common in T-cells, comprising 80 percent of all lymphoblastic lymphomas. This lymphoma is most often diagnosed in children. With intensive chemotherapy, the complete remission rate can be very high or so the doctors say. It is a rare type of non-Hodgkin lymphoma, a result of abnormal adaptive immune cells, typically T-cells. We were told

Bianca was at stage three. My mom was devastated. What was even worse was that my mom had to endure watching her dad deal with lung cancer.

Research says Patients with high-stage (stage III or IV) lymphoblastic lymphoma have long-term survival rates higher than 80%. Unlike other pediatric non-Hodgkin lymphoma (NHL), it has been shown that lymphoblastic lymphoma responds much better to leukemia therapy with 2 years of therapy than with shorter, intensive, pulsed chemotherapy regimens.

Involvement of the bone marrow may lead to confusion as to whether the patient has lymphoma or leukemia. Traditionally, patients with more than 25% marrow blasts are classified as having leukemia, and those with fewer than 25% marrow blasts are classified as having lymphoma. It is not yet clear whether these arbitrary definitions are biologically distinct or relevant for treatment design. All current therapies for advanced-stage lymphoblastic lymphoma have been derived from regimens designed for the treatment of acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Of course as the medical community gets a better idea on this type of cancer they have better ways of dealing with it. Back then two different doctors both suggested shorter, intensive, pulsed chemotherapy regimens.

The problem with the treatment was that Bianca had a low immune system. She always would get colds at a young age and the flu but it always got better in a few days. My dad hated doctors and did what he could to treat every illness at home. This was a decision he regretted probably for the rest of his life.

Lymphoblastic lymphoma is an aggressive lymphoma. This means that it is fast-growing and needs treatment straight away with chemotherapy. It is very similar to acute lymphoblastic leukemia. In lymphoma, the abnormal lymphocytes are generally in the lymph nodes or thymus gland, but in acute lymphoblastic leukemia they are mainly in the blood and bone marrow. The two conditions are often treated in very similar ways. The problem with chemotherapy was Bianca had a low immune system so it just made her worse, made her sicker.

As I watched that movie and especially the character of Hazel I could not help but to think over and over again about Bianca. Six months after Bianca was diagnosed our mother left and never returned. All she left was a letter saying she was too weak emotionally to deal with cancer again. That she could not bear to watch her daughter slowly leave her. So Bianca is dealing with this horrible cancer as best she can at such a young age and then her mother abandons her.” Isaac wipes some tears away. “Bianca so needed her mother there and just like that a huge void was created for everyone. How do you leave your family much less your only daughter that has Cancer?

I was only fourteen when this happened. I did not know what to do. My dad tried the best he could but he needed his wife there to help, to give that loving unconditional support. To be there for Bianca. I did my best to be there for her but she was so sick. Spending most of her days in bed. Trying to put on a happy face, trying to stay strong. Like everyone with cancer she had her good days and her bad days. After fourteen months the cancer went into remission. I remember that day like it was indeed yesterday. I had tears coming down my face, my heart was as open and filled with love as it would ever be. I went to church that night and thanked GOD for the miracle. I truly believed only better days were ahead and that it would never come back. The naivety of a teenager.

I would always think about Bianca from time to time. But each time I did the mean and evil Isaac tried to let it go, to repress it. I regret a lot of things in those months where Bianca was cancer free. I was too protective of her I should of done a better job of letting her live her life. Letting her to experience new things. My father during this time was working two jobs to help support the family so I was the one that did most of the raising and I was fifteen. I had no idea what to do. I relied on my grandmother a lot but she was an alcoholic so that did not do me a lot of good most times.

So when I think of Hazel in that movie so many emotions come across to me. It affected me in ways that I thought would not. Yes, I could not stop crying and am man enough to admit it. So Bianca had a total of eleven months cancer free. Only eleven Rodrigo? Not even a full calendar year. Just like when it came back with a fury for Gus, the same happened with Bianca. Within three months she was gone. But of all the things I repressed, the top of the list was the day she left this earth. She left holding my hand and a smile. Her last movement was a nod to me. When she left me, a huge piece of myself was gone for good. So when I see that movie and I watch Hazel it reminds me so much of Bianca and how I wish I would of done things differently. In the past week wave after wave of emotions have hit me and all I can think about is Bianca. I never even told my wife I had a sister.

My dad had a breakdown right after and turned to alcohol and then turned to hitting me. He was a mean drunk and alcohol was all he had to deal with his pain. It was a slow and torturous ride for him to rock bottom. Within a year after Bianca passing away I ran away from home and never returned. In a span of a few years I lost my mother, my sister and my father. I lost my sister Bianca who I loved more than anything. I had so much anger and hate and absolutely no outlet to channel it. I believed there was no such thing as GOD. I prayed every day when the cancer came back and she was still takin away from me. I had so much bitterness and hate and needed a way, wanted a way to release it all. I was mad at the whole god damn world.

I turned to the wrong crowd and one thing led to another and here I am. Now, I am not happy for everything I have done but this is the closest thing to a family that I have had since before Bianca was diagnosed. I have a loving wife who helped to heal me and make me a better person without knowing why I was so angry at the world. You may say how can I be a better person being in a cartel? Because I am at peace for the past few years something I have not experienced since I was fourteen. And then I went to see that movie and has put some things in perspective for me Rodrigo. All the repressed thoughts have come back in gigantic waves and I cannot control them.

Cancer takes so much away. Not only does it take away the ones you care about but it takes a way a big piece of who I was trying to be as a person. Cancer took my whole family away from me. I think of Hazel’s smile in that movie and Bianca had a similar one. Some things in life we take for granted. Memories are not enough. I used to think why me? I used to wish it was me that had cancer and not Bianca. She was always the strongest one in the family and the smartest. I would do anything to have her back and seeing that movie brought all of these emotions to the forefront again. In a few days I am going back to Eidenberg and visit her grave. I have not been there since a year after she passed right before I ran away from home.

So they say the movie is melodramatic? I say fuck them. They are just reviewing a movie. Let them walk in the shoes of someone who has cancer or a family member that had to endure a loved one having Cancer then and only then can those motherfuckers say it is melodramatic.”

“I am sorry Isaac I never knew.” Was all I could say. I wipe a tear from my eye as well.

“You once called me an angry man, an overly violent man. Now you know why that was. I was not strong enough to deal with what life threw at me and made horrible decisions along the way. But it is what it is and I cannot change anything that I did. Just like you cannot change all the things you did in Albuquerque. But if this happened now I think there are new and better ways to treat what Bianca had. I read a few days ago online about Proton Therapy. Proton therapy is a type of particle therapy which uses a beam of protons to irradiate diseased tissue, most often in the treatment of cancer. The chief advantage of proton therapy is the ability to more precisely localize the radiation dosage when compared with other types of external beam radiotherapy. Historically the cost of proton therapy has been an issue; however, the newer, more compact proton beam sources can be four to five times cheaper and offer even more accurate three-dimensional targeting. ”

Just like that we both sat in silence. A few minutes later Isaac spoke again. “Do not tell me the US Government does not know about a cure for all types of Cancer. Because that is bullshit. Drug companies make too much damn money off of sick and dying cancer patients to ever allow a cure on the open market. Bunch of motherfuckers!.” With that Isaac went silent again.

Two Hours Later-

Me and Isaac are sitting on the sofa both forced to watch Fernando use some Mexican variation of Wii Fit. The board is referred to as a “Bitch Board.” From what I was told some very smart dudes in Mexico City invented it and started to sell it on the black market. Fernando stands on the board and there is a sensor near the tv that looks a bit like Microsoft’s Kinect.

“Bitch stand your ass still. You are wobbling. I am the drill sergeant and you will not move an inch until I weigh your ass.” Says the board. I have to say it has some vulgarity to it.

“Motherfuckin done. Get your bronze azz off my board. I am done weighing you. Before I tell you your weight and BMI let me ask you this. Where the fuck have you been Fernando? Huh? You have not been on my fucking board in sixty two motherfuckin days. That shit happens again I will find your ass and put a cap in you. Better yet you wait another sixty two motherfuckin days I dare you. No, I triple dare your ass to get back on my board. Because there will be a surprise for you.”

“Yeah…whatever.” Fernando says.
“What you say homes? You talking to me. You realize my azz is fully interactive right? Your azz better toe the line with me otherwise there will be some serious repercussions. Cartel leader wannabe dipshit!” I am laughing my ass off right now. That board or whatever it is funny as hell. Fernando turns to look at me with a deep snarl.
“What you gained seven pounds since we last saw each other? What the fuck you been eating?”
“Mexican food.” Fernando says.

“Oh yeah that is right you have time to feed your fuckin face with quesadillas, tomatillos, and tacos but your stupid azz aint got time in sixty two motherfuckin days to visit me. Your azz does not even say hi. Whats up with that? You have time for your hoe base but no time for me? Pussy that important to you? I bet it would not be if you had no balls. It is ok I have my own type of revenge for you. Aerobics to the max with your trainer bitch. Now get your azz on that board so we can get you to do some a steppin.”

One Hour Later-

Fernando, Isaac and me are back at the table. Eating some more Mexican food. “So Rodrigo I came back to this area for two reasons.” Fernando tells me after drinking another shot of tequila. “One was of course to deal with you which I will get to soon enough. The other reason is a damn gnat that will not go away. I will find him and step on him and tear off every fuckin single limb that he has. At first he tried to get to know some of our crew as we were at local strip clubs. He would follow us sometimes to the bar and we would buy a few drinks and if we turned our head then one by one our drinks would be missing. That motherfucker was stealing our drinks. Fucking cheap ass white boy.

He so wanted to be part of our crew and to make a long story short we let him do some runs for us. At first it worked out great. Have him 5k per run. But that motherfucker, the last time I had a run for him took my money and my drugs. He went from stealing drinks to graduating to taking my drugs and selling them in El Paso and here. I have heard he has done this before. His street name is Ginger Snaps. Because of his long and ugly curly red hair. But get this he says he knows you Rodrigo.”

“I do not know anyone named Ginger Snaps.” I bark back at him.

“You know any dudes with long and curly red hair?” Damn I know one guy but he does not have the balls to do something like that. He is a lap dog at best? A Saturday afterschool special for how to be a yes man. A guy who is pussy whipped by some old chick who had seen her best days years ago.

“Hold on let me check my phone.” Fernando nods as I press a button on my I-Phone and then open my contacts.” Sorry do not have his number in my phone anymore.” Fernando rips the phone from me and looks thru it. “Whats his name?”

“Never caught his last name. He goes by Darrell.” Obviously a lie by me but they do not know that. After another minute Fernando throws the phone back at me as I slide it in my back pocket.
“So where’s Pete?” I ask yet again.
“None of your damn business Rodrigo.” He comes closer to me. “Ok. Here is what I am going to do you tell me where that Frito Lay scumbag killer is and Ginger Snaps and I will tell you where Pete is at.”

“I have no idea.” As I raise my arms in the air. But after a minute I think why the fuck not. “Fuck it. Let me tell you about ginger snaps. He could not buy a drink if his life depended on it. At first he was a cool cat and hung out with me and my posse. Problem was he always told me about his love life and soon that interfered with what I was trying to do to make cheddar and it all evolved around his obsession for this hagred old mid forties woman whom I refer to as Fire snatch. Her wrinkles were that of a fifty year old plus woman. She would take over four hours to get ready and when she did. She looked semi hot. Here was a woman past her prime with children who still thought going out to clubs was ok and cool.

Ginger snaps obsession grew with her because they were both redheads and he thought she was all that. He slowly started to go off the deep end when he found out that Fire snatch was dating a guy that was like five feet tall on a good day with some turbo shocks on. So the name circus midget stuck. Ginger snaps could not understand what she saw in the circus midget who had no money, was a small time con artist, and obviously had major anger problems that stemmed from his lack of height. We all thought he was just like an evil teddy bear. If anyone got near Fire snatch old circus midget would go crazy. He acted like chucky and his eyes would turned a crazed red. Seriously. I am not joking.

So while Ginger Snaps was constantly beating the crap out of Circus Midget they eventually found out that Fire snatch had a stable of old, overweight, fugly dudes. I met fire snatch a few times and could tell she had one of the lowest self-esteems I ever seen in a woman. She got great pleasure in creating drama about these guys and false rumors to keep them in tow. She would rather have freaks, idiots, obese and guys who could barely be tall enough to ride a coaster at Six Flags. One thing all of these guys had in common was that these guys were all six cans short of a six pack. The freaking insane, straight jacket type of personalities. So fire snatch could relate to them because she was off her rocker as well.

Soon enough this drama got even worse as Fire snatch was telling lies about one guy to another. She got a kick out of it. One time she came over to tell me shit about Ginger snaps and how he obsessed over her and wanted to tie the knot. I could not help myself as I was laughing my ass off. But that he was getting to close to her and it was time to break it off but that he was obsessing to much over her. All I said tell your dumb sob story to circus freak you lying ass cunt. That was the last time I saw Fire snatch. I hear she added another douchebag to her stable of men. In terms of ginger snaps I guess his ass went down to Juarez, drowning his sorrows of fire snatch. And looking for some new gigs.

“What the fuck was that about? I do not care about his love life. I want to find him. We will find Ginger Snaps will or without you Rodrigo. He messed with the wrong group of people. Hell I may even use my samurai sword on him. Will be a lot of fun. But now this comes to you. What is your answer?” His face is right next to me looking for fear in me. Hoping that he would see it. But when you live your life like there is only one week left in your life clarity comes into focus.
“The answer is a big fat NO.”
“Rodrigo do you want to die tonight?” Fernando says screaming at me.

“The way I look at it you made up your mind a long time ago with what you wanted to do with me. I am a different person that even say three or four months ago. Spiritual growth can be experienced just like anything else. It is the only thing that has come close to me trying to break good once and for all. I have experienced a lot of negativity, anger, fear and resentment in my life. So over time I try and drift away from those awful feelings. That cloud of negative energy that has hung over me for so long. But I have learned this week to release that cloud and whatever happens happens. I am at peace with myself.

Because of that I do not feel as much anger any longer and no longer in anxiety over fear. I do not even feel resentment to you any longer. It has allowed me to come as close as I have to being a spiritual being. To becoming less associated with the physical and more with my spirit. I walk around now looking at people and objects and understand the feeling of love. I look at people now as flowers. Every type of flower and the color they are represent beauty to them. You are a flower Fernando but just because you are worn and brittle and have leaves falling off and a nasty brown does not mean there is not beauty about you somewhere.

I have come to understand that the spirit always feel good. That the spirit always feel a high and is always open. I have not done this to try and reach my spirit but by letting go of the rest. I cannot touch my spirit but I can release my personal self. Because of this I begin to soar and the higher is higher than any weed out there. I have been giving a great gift so no matter what happens to me I have truly seen the way. I do not claim what is happening to me but I will follow it as long as I can. I want those deep spiritual experiences.

I know it is possible after tonight my transformation will not be complete and that my time may be up. But, again I am at peace with that. The deeper I go into my spiritual side then no longer I judge anyone else. I cherish what I have had and yes there have been misstep after misstep but that is part of life.

I had true love with Aitiana. True love is where you love them more than you love yourself. She was always one to look past my shortcomings and past wrongs and love me unconditionally. It took me a long time to figure that out and yes when I did it was well beyond late. I was far from a perfect person. I was far at times from a good person. I know understand why a mother can devote every moment of her life to a child who is physically or even mentally challenged. She sees the child as absolute beautiful inside and out. She does not focus on any shortcomings. In fact, she does not even see them as shortcomings. Now that is what I call true love. This is probably how GOD looks upon all of his creatures.”

“Ok enough of your mumbo jumbo spiritual crap Rodrigo. It is time to go ese.” Fernando says pulling me up from my chair as two of his goons also grab me.

An Hour Later-

When my ass got on the single engine plans with Fernado, Isaac and three of his goons I thougt for sure we were heading to some remote place in South Texas. I still held out a small hope that Pete would be on this flight. Yet, I thought better of it because if he was then most likely he may meet the same fate as me. I know the cartel has plans for him.

The question being I thought they would take me to some part of the wetlands in South Texas or some other place to end the ABQ dilemma as Fernando calls it. There is no defined northern boundary, although it is believed to be at the city of San Antonio and from an east to west line extending from the Rio Grande near Maverick County to the Gulf of Mexico, but turning southeast at or near Lavaca County, and continuing towards the Gulf of Mexico to separate it from East Texas and Southeast Texas.

The Rio Grande serves as the western and southern boundaries and separates Texas from Mexico. The eastern portion of South Texas is bordered by the Gulf of Mexico. This region of Texas consist of 41 counties. South Texas terrain is flat, lying on the coastal plain. South Texas is so vast, there are even sub regions. The very southern tip of South Texas, called the Rio Grande Valley, has fertile soils and is known for its citrus production. The eastern portion of South Texas is often referred to as the Coastal Bend; here, coastal salt marshes, estuaries, and wetlands are scattered. The western and central parts are known as the South Texas Plains or the brush country. Mesquite trees and crop fields dominate the land. And for some odd reason I truly believe that we were going to the eastern side of Rio Grande Valley.

I look at Isaac and for some reason he seems to have a different deposition, one of can I say actual compassion for what may or may not happen to me. At first I thought this was a bluff, to get me back to the straight and arrow to make me do what they want of me. But that is nothing but a pipedream. Something is going down tonight I just do not know what. And with that the plane starts heading straight west. My guts seemed to have sunk lower. But I keep quiet and enjoy what could be my last ride. Yet, when I think of ride I cannot help but think of my now desecrated lowrider. My baby, my love, my deformed child.

After two hours we touch down on some small very private air strip. My heart seems to be upping to 150 beats a minute. I know exactly where we are. I am forced to get into an SUV which is of course black, two SUV follow behind me. Isaac and one of the goons is in the same car as me. The goon has a gun pointed at my head. When he turns his head and being very careful I check my phone making sure my GPS is still on then slowly put it in my pants pocket. A few seconds later the goon turns back to me and continues pointing the gun at me.

“What like I am going anywhere?” I bark at him. Of course he says nothing. “pedazo de mierda.” I snarl when I say that. But he shows no remorse. Being a cold blooded killer with do that to you. Isaac says nothing as he is driving.

The Chihuahuan Desert is a desert, and an Eco region designation, that straddles the U.S.-Mexico border in the central and northern portions of the Mexican Plateau. It is bordered on the west by the extensive Sierra Madre Occidental range, along with overlaying northern portions of the Sierra Madre Oriental. On the U.S. side it occupies central and southern New Mexico, the portion of Texas west of the Pecos River, and southeastern Arizona; on the Mexican side, it covers the northern half of the state of Chihuahua, along with the majority of Coahuila, north-eastern Durango, the extreme northern part of Zacatecas, and small western portions of Nuevo León. With an area of about 362,000 km (139,769 sq mi), it is the third largest desert of the Western Hemisphere and the second largest in North America, after the Great Basin Desert.

Several larger mountain ranges include the Sierra Madre, the Sierra del Carmen, the Organ Mountains, the Franklin Mountains, the Sacramento Mountains, the Sandia-Manzano Mountains, the Magdalena-San Mateo Mountains, the Chisos Mountains, the Guadalupe Mountains, and the Davis Mountains. These create "sky islands" of cooler, wetter, climates within the desert, and such elevated areas have both coniferous and broadleaf woodlands, and even forests along drainages and favored exposures.

There are a few urban areas within the desert: the largest is Ciudad Juárez with almost two million inhabitants, neighboring El Paso; then the city of Chihuahua and Torreón. Las Cruces and Roswell in New Mexico are among the other significant cities in this Eco region. Albuquerque, Saltillo and Monterrey are located near the Chihuahuan desert.

According to the World Wide Fund for Nature, the Chihuahuan Desert may be the most biologically diverse desert in the world, whether measured on species richness or endemism, although the region has been heavily degraded over time, mainly due to grazing. Many native species have been replaced with Creosote Bush. The Mexican Wolf, once abundant, has been vanquished.

The desert is mainly a rain shadow desert because the two main mountain ranges covering the desert, the Sierra Madre Occidental to the west and the Sierra Madre Oriental to the east block most of the incoming moisture from the Pacific Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico respectively. Climatically, the desert has a dry climate with only one rainy season in the summer and smaller amounts of precipitation in early winter. Most of the summer rains falls in June and October, during the North American Monsoon when moist air from the Gulf of Mexico penetrates into the region. Owing to its inland position and higher elevation than the Sonoran Desert to the west, mostly varying from 600–1,675 m (1,969–5,495 ft) in altitude, the desert has a slightly milder climate in the summer (though usually daytime June temperatures are in the range of 35 to 40 °C or 95 to 104 °F) and cool or cold winters with occasional frosts.

The average annual temperature in the desert is 24 °C (75 °F), which varies with altitude. The hottest temperatures in the desert occur in lower elevation areas and in valleys.[5] Northern areas have more severe winters than the southern portion and can receive snowstorms. The mean annual precipitation for the Chihuahuan Desert is 235 mm (9.3 in) with a range of approximately 150–400 mm (6–16 in), although it receives more precipitation than other warm desert Eco regions. Nearly two-thirds of the arid zone stations have annual totals between 225 and 275 mm (8.9 and 10.8 in). Snowfall is scant except at the higher elevation edges. The desert is fairly young, existing for only 8000 years.

After another forty minutes or so we come to a stop. I am pushed out of the SUV by one of the goons. And I see the barren, totally in the middle of nowhere desert on the El Paso side. Tumbleweeds, and other plant life are all around. I see an all black wolf just starting at us and after a moment even he scampers away. But what I see about 50 meters ahead is a bunch of bulldozers and lights. I am pushed to walk faster as I come closer to the bulldozers. I see a few more of Fernando’s hit squad and even see Sabina but I have gone back to just referring her as the Unknown blonde. But as I am told to stop what I see ahead of me is very frightening even for someone trying to get in touch fully with their spiritual side. To my left I see two bulldozers with a ton of dirt and sand.

“Rodrigo go have a peek?” I am accompanied by Isaac who holds my arm gently this time. When I see how big of a ditch, tomb whatever you want to call it, for the first time in a while ABQ is horrified. It must be at least eight feet deep. I have no idea the dimensions of this I glance to my right and I see another truck but this is a cement truck. Large knots are wrecking havok on my stomach and all that Mexican food certainly did not help. When I slowly look down this massive rectangular hole I see two things. A large ladder and my low rider. How the heck they got that low rider down there beats the shit out of me. But that motherfucker is still fuckin pink. At least they could of done was paint that shit back to black.

With that I am escorted back to Fernando for I guess one last mono on mono meeting.
“Could not even paint it black for me?”

“Ohh Rodrigo we have been planning this for some time. I have killed a lot of people in my time and I have no qualms in saying that. But you are going to be special. I will get a lot of enjoyment out of this. Years back you always thought you were bigger than me, the fucking leader, you did not know your place. Then I bring you back in the fold so we both can make money on those Cheetos and what happens you fuck my wife and lead the stupid benejo corporate security after us. Then you would not sling like we agreed upon. So I will take special pleasure into what is about to happen to you.

So this is how is it going to be played out. You can take the easy way Rodrigo or you can take my hard way which I prefer.” Fernando has finished his lecture.

“Please enlighten me master of no one. What are the options.” Easy way is you walk your ass to that ladder and I will provide you a flashlight and slowly climb down into that beautiful low rider of yours and then we do all the work from there. But the crème of the crop is that cement truck after a bunch of dirt and some sand is dropped first. But the hard way is me shooting you right here and right now in the fucking head. Then dragging her ass and dumping your limp as fuck body on top of the lowrider. It is your call. But I prefer the later.” He then lets out a loud laugh and takes out a gun. “

I turn my attention to the unknown blonde. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh baby come on now we had some good times. I had to be there for your funeral and to say good bye to my low-rider.” Of course she is wearing all pink with like six inch stilettos in this desert.
“That is my low-rider.” I bark loudly at her.
“It is my biatch. Look it is still pink which means it is mine.” With that the wolf comes back” “Get that animal away from me now please.” She is actually freaking out. Wow never thought I would see the day.
“Is it because the big bad wolf is not pink?” I ask.
“Exactly.”
“So what are you the Cartel’s new bitch?” I also ask.
“I told you I am MZ. Bitch and I am more of a high paying consultant.”
“Bullshit!’

“In fact I am more of a bo$$ ass biatch. Because I go above and beyond of simply being a bad bitch. While I may not be the baddest it is an area I am striving for. I keep my benjamins right, my game tight and will beat a bitch’s ass all night long. That’s right Lionel Richie sing that shit.” She then smiled again at me.
“Do not be like that we just go off the wrong foot. Then we got off wrong on the other foot because my cash cow Mateo is gunned down. I liked Mateo and he is no more. But you ABQ or whatever your name is I am amused by you. Yes, these wonderful gentlemen are taking me to the Caribbean and have compensated me for giving up my low-rider.” I can only seethe as she says this. I have tried for the last week for to be as zen and into my spirtuality as best I can but this girl at times gets under my skin. She reminds me too much of me. I say to myself ABQ let go of the negative energy.

I turn back to Fernando. “I guess the easy way.” He flips me a flashlight and just for good measure walks up to me and punches me in the face. I take a step back but say nothing just surprised as of yet they all have not beat the crap out of me.

Isaac Is the only one escorting me to the big as hell ditch. For some reason all I can compare it to is the pit full of snakes in “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” I look at him and he looks at me and then he finally speaks. “Did you really mean what you were saying earlier about how you found spirituality? How you are more at peace?” I only nod at him. We continue to walk forward. But I can tell something is very different about Mr. brutality himself Isaac.

“Look you do not have to answer this but I can tell based on what you told me that you need to come to terms with your sister and the abandonment of your mother and what your father did to you. It has been eating away at you for years. Sure you repressed it but just like Cancer does it comes back with a Vengenance. And this time you have no choice but to confront your demons. You actually think those people are your family? They use you to kill. But I think you are starting to see that. I give you a month before you find a way to leave town with your family.” I look at his eyes and see something there. Not sure what it is. But he says nothing at all. As we continue to walk. He slowly pushes me to the ladder. I look once last time at Fernando and give him the finger. The unknown blonde blows me a kiss.

With that I slowly step down his big ass ladder that seems to go down forever. After a few minutes. I look at my now desecrated low rider all covered in Barbie and lavender pink. I take a deep breath and close my eyes and open the driver’s side door. Oh how I have missed my baby. First thing I do when I get in the car is rip off the pink foamy dice from the windshield.

Before I know it I look out as I see Fernando and three of his goons raise the ladder up until it disappears from my sight. Soon after I hear machinery turn on and begin to head this way. A big thump hits the roof of my low rider as the first wave of dirt starts to hit. Then another. I think they want the low rider full of dirt before the concrete starts to pour. After another minute another bulldozer drops his contents on my baby’s head. And then comes the second bulldozer. Well this is it for ABQ. The ride is complete. My Houdini acts have run dry. But I am ok with that. My physical self may be rotted in a week or so but my spirit will stay strong. I take another deep breath and realize finally it is that time for me.

I turn the car on and I see a pink keychain attached to the key and it says in bling bling gold Puzzi Pauline Powerz. Whatever that mean as I turn my head slightly to the right and there is a CD sticking out so I pop it in. I see on the passenger seat a big bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos and I am so tempted.

“ABQ I wanted to say how much I will miss you and the fun times we had but like everything all good times must end. This song is for you. Unknown Blonde.” With that a song starts to play.

“Girl you know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby, you just see
We belong together
And you that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart,
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say goodbye?
When I can't sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinnin' around and around
Although we've come to the End Of The Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the End of the Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Girl, I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time
Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and I”

Have to say that girl has some ballz leaving me a message on that CD. I do not know what to make of her. Very interesting character I have to give the girl props for that. Or maybe ABQ in these last hours has become too soft. With that I cannot take it anymore as more dirt is thrown onto the vehicle as like an avalanche I see it gathering steam and bouncing off the windshield and onto the ground. I reach for my back pocket and grab something I have not wanted to open since I received it. Yes, the letter that Aitiana gave me. With a deep breath and an ahh fuck it. I open it with the flashlight in my mouth as it gets darker and darker in here.

“My Dearest Rodrigo,

I will keep this short and sweet. What we had can never be taken away from either of us. What you gave me was special on so many levels. I could go on about how you felt betrayed when I left you. Our relationship was at a standstill and yes, I wanted more. I needed more from you. Sometimes in life what you hope will end in happiness turns out to be nothing but bitter loneliness. I want you to be happy and to live your life and forget about me. But I wrote a small poem I wanted to share with you.

Before you came i didn't know i could love someone so much.
Before you came i never knew what love truly was
Before you came i felt so lonely and when it ended I am back to feeling that same pain
When you came to me i felt WONDERFUL.
When you came the weight of the world was lifted of my shoulders and for the first time in a long time I was dare I say it happy.
So that’s what it feels like to fall in love for the first time.
So i thought to myself "I'll NEVER forget my first love, no matter what.”
Love Always and forever,
Aitiana.
With my flashlight I see something else in the envelope. I pull it up and hold it close to my eyes and face. It is a little boy. He has on a blue solid t-shirt. He is smiling, his arm wrapped over Aitiana’a shoulder. I turn the picture over. It reads Rodrigo Jr. 3 ½ years young.

“What the fuck!” Shock overcomes me and before I can come up with more emotions both sides of the doors cave in and the windshield is broken as concrete now comes into play and lots of it. It starts to cover up to my knee caps. Damn I wanted to post this shit to my favorite board but have no fucking signal. Maybe it will go thru tomorrow. More and more concrete comes into play as I am covered in it like some variation of a mud bath. Except for me ABQ is going to be encased in concrete. At least I get to die inside my low rider. Fuck Cannot believe I have a kid. His smile is just like hers’ it lights up a room. Damn I should of opened that letter a long time ago. Now I am just fucked.

Concrete now covers most of the hole. I can barely make out a distinct sound.

Pop…pop.pop…pop.pop…pop…pop

Then suddenly I hear a huge bang. Unlike anything I ever heard before as I am choking on concrete. Well it has been a fun ride when it lasted. Concrete is now over my head as I am drowning in this thick wet stuff that soon will become very thick. I hurl some concrete out of my mouth as my breathing becomes more sporadic. There is now total darkness. I think of Rodrigo Jr whom I have never met and a memory of long ago of me and my brother Tomas pops in my memory bank. Give it one more try with my phone to send this as I pass out.

Fade to Black:

Executive Producer: ABQ

Soundtrack in order of Appearance:

“International Love” Published on Dec 8, 2011 Music video by Pitbull Featuring Chris Brown performing International Love. (C) 2011 RCA Records, a unit of Sony Music Entertainment
“Higher than A Kite” Nicki Minaj Feat Lil Wayne Album Sucka Free 2008. Label: Dirty Money Records
"Party Up (Up in Here)" By DMX. Album- “And then there was X.” 1999. Label: Ruff Ryders, Def Jam
“Goodbye Horses” By Q Lazzarus from 1988. Writer: William Garvey
“Mercy” By Kanye West, Big Sean, Pusha T, 2 Chainz. Released April 3, 2012. Label: Good Music, Def Jam
“Hound Dog” By Elvis Presley. Released July 1956. Label- RCA
“Just the way You Are” By Bruno Mars. Recorded May 7th, 2009. From the album “Doo-Wops & Hooligans.” Label- Elektra
“Hooked on a Feeling” By BJ Thomas. Written by Mark James. Album: Hooked on a Feeling. Released in 1974. Label- Scepter Records
“(Hey Won’t You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song” By BJ Thomas and Released in 1975. Label- ABC Records
“Turn Up.” Music video by 2 Chainz featuring Cap 1 performing Turn Up, directed by Decatur Dan. (C) 2012 T.R.U.
“All I Do Is Win” By DJ Khaled feat T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg and Rick Ross. Album “Victory.” Released February 8, 2010. Label- We the Best, Terror Squad, E1
“End of the Road.” By Boyz II Men. Released June 30th, 1992. Label- LaFace/Arista, Motown. Album- “Boomerang Original.”