Have you ever fallen for a client?

[DarthDVader]

I would add ... what kind of love are we talking about?
Whenever you're young its easy to fall in love just for the looks and sex ... maybe a little bit of romantic love too ... with time love starts to have a deeper meaning ...
I would say that many people hobby due to the lack of love at home, broken relationships, loneliness, etc ... someone that is fully satisfied, body, soul, spirit, wont be an easy target to fall in love because already is ...
The vulnerability of the heart makes things complicated and blind to cold facts ...

Do you love her/his looks?
Do you love her/his wallet?
Do you love her/his brains?
Do you love her/his soul?
Do you love him like a friend?
Do you love him like a father?
Do you love him like a brother?
Do you love him like a confident?,
... or?

... you define a person by what he/she is and not by what he/she circumstantially does ...
My grandma told my grandpa many years ago: If you love me and want to marry me you will have to quit this ____ ... he did and they happily married

I believe in Love, but a kind of Love that is "complete"
Is it possible? ... I think everything is possible, maybe difficult but not impossible ...

[LoveNHorny]

EIAnjuli,

So a quick skim of the thread suggests you have taken on "love" for a client. If so, then I would suggest you tread carefully. In all reality, and hopefully focusing what others have said here, it's grade-A prime risky. I'd retreat if I were you. It does happen. It rarely if ever works out.

This topic comes up periodically. The researchers here can connect you to past discussions. My suggestion would be to foster a good friendship with this man, and potentially phase out the hobby side. As TinMan has suggests, if both of you are genuinely into each other, you could get it to SO status, but these generally end down the road.

Facilitate the friendship, which is your best chance for a rl relationship. Phase out the hobby. And see where it goes.

A great hobby friendship ain't so bad either. Once you know where you really stand, emotionally and otherwise, you'll be better able to decide the course of action for yourself. Just be ready for possible disappointment, if he can't go with you in the direction you might like.

Good luck!
LnH

[Sir Lancehernot]

Originally Posted by East Indian Anjuli

Not all 'hookers' are capable of manipulation.

Agreed, but the profession is rife with easy targets, guys who depend upon money to provide the illusion of intimacy that they can't get by any other means, guys who find themselves wanting to believe that what they just experienced had more meaning beyond the physical for him and financial for her. And a market full of easy targets will attract plenty of opportunists.

In real life, you're spending more than an hour at a time every few weeks with someone, and you have a much greater opportunity to assess veracity and motivation.

[TinMan]

Originally Posted by Sir Lancehernot

I'm not meaning to hijack the thread, but I'm curious as to how you differentiate "hooker talk" (a crude but accurate term I'll use to describe words used to provoke an emotional response in a man and manipulate him) from something that's more real?

Of course, one could also reasonably ask how they know it's not just "john talk" coming from the gent.

Thankfully, in my case the parties have always been adult enough to recognize "it is what it is" such that we never had to test that relationship. I can look back upon my time with each of these ladies with fondness and gratitude, in no small part because we didn't set unreasonable expectations of one another.

[PleasantSurprise]

Lust is a purely physical attraction. I think for the clients who are seeking a provider to meet their strictly physical needs, than lusting after one another is great!

I view love as a great, beautiful thing, intensifying sexual experiences. The closer I get to the feeling of love, the better the sex feels. I don't consider falling in love an accident. I look at it as something I will enjoy the entire time, and if/when it ends, well every minute I felt great was worth it.

Why overpower emotions and withdraw any possibility at love? It's ok for people to love. Especially if both people know their place. I am not going to marry you. You are not going to marry me. We aren't going to end up together. But we are going to love every minute of our time together, may it be lusting after one another physically, challenging one another mentally, complimenting one another verbally, or demonstrating love through acts of kindness and sincerity regardless of differences. I think a true love is unconditional, a good rule of thumb is… would you still see each other after a falling out, and if the answer is yes, it might be love. Yes, it might be because of money. But yet, it also might be because of non-financial reasons. I wear my heart on my sleeve every day. I don't get hurt though, because when a person no longer wants to see me, I'm ok with that. I love every minute and when the time comes to close a chapter and open another, well that's life. Relationships, business or personal, don't have to end ugly. They end ugly because one or both parties involved aren't mature enough to accept a potential reality and plan ahead. Yes, our relationship may end one day, let's not trick ourselves into believing this will last forever. Reality has it that this will most likely come to an end, and let's discuss the best way to end it when that time does come.

I think if the relationship begins as a fairy tale, then it won't work because it was a fake. The more you can be true to yourself from the very beginning, and just be who you are without putting on any fronts, the easier and longer lasting I think a relationship would be. May it be in a business, or personal, relationship.

Pfmtony said it best, if you can't fall for me during our time together, I don't want to see you.

Expectations are what cause relationships to fail. By only expressing love, the rest should be easy. If we worried more about ourselves and less about others, being the best person we can be instead of telling others how we think they should be, the world would be a happier place. I don't think a relationship requires one on one commitment to be happy. I don't think both people should sleep around either. I think each partner should respect the choice the other person makes. And if they don't like the choice, they can go away. Kind of like… you either like me or you don't, and this is who I am. I hope to have you in my life, but if you think it's a bad idea, well that's your choice to make. I won't beg you to stay.

So to answer the question asked by the OP, yes I've fallen for a client before, I'm okay with love, I'm not afraid of it, I don't run from it, I don't try to dodge it, I grasp it because I love how it makes me feel.

I agree with TinMan, If you truly care for the other party, you will respect that boundaries must exist, and do your best not to take advantage of the situation. The same can be said for relationships outside the hobby, for that matter.

To me, love does not give ultimatums. Saying, "If this, then you'll do that..." that isn't love. Love is something you do. Love is something you give. You cannot demand love of a person. You can love them enough to motivate them to love you back. I believe giving someone an ultimatum is the best way to lose a great thing.

[Anjuli Rati]

All the starry-eyed romantics seem to be flooding my inbox with PM's rather than posting, but you would be surprised at how many people seem to have experience in the area. Folks who have dated, folks who have married. I'll say this, that seems to be mistaken: I never actually used the L-word. 'Falling for' and actually being in love have a great many steps in between. Steps we haven't taken, but I know its risky. Its always risky, with or without the hobbying getting in the way.

[blinkq45]

Originally Posted by Thatdude

I don't think you will ever know until the chips are down on your end and see how the provider responds

I think that is a valid point Thatdude!! So if the chips are low and it ain't happening, I agree - it's likely just Hooker Talk; an illusion; part of their Hustle.

[Sir Lancehernot]

Originally Posted by TinMan

Of course, one could also reasonably ask how they know it's not just "john talk" coming from the gent.

There are a couple of differences between "hooker talk" and "john talk." The nature of the business almost requires that the hooker hears john talk a lot more than the john hears hooker talk (unless, of course, you're TinMan ). That necessarily diminishes the significance of any one client's declarations of "feelings for" (to go back to the OP's term) a lady and magnifies the significance when it's the other way around.

Not only do I know that when I tell a lady that I think she's really special, she's heard it a million times before, I also know realize that she's hearing it from a guy who has to pay for illusions of intimacy, who has not a damn thing that's worth any consideration on her part except the fee for that session and the potential, if she is a decent actress or performer, for more in the future. Viewed from that perspective, it's easy for me to discount the impact of "john talk." But then again, I'm not TinMan.

The danger of course, is that, in "keeping it real," you neglect the opportunity for a more personal, meaningful relationship. It's apparently easier for some to diagnose such potential than for me. Much as I'd like to feel like Sally Field at the Oscars -- "You like me! You really like me!", a reference that probably went over the head of 75% of the people on this thread -- I'd rather err on the side of caution.

[TinMan]

Fortunately, my way of dealing with these situations doesn't require me to differentiate between "hooker talk" and...whatever the opposite of "hooker talk" is. As one lady memorably told me, "you know when I say 'I love you', I mean 'hobby love', right?"

That may be the smartest thing I've ever heard stated on the matter.

[Sir Lancehernot]

Originally Posted by TinMan

Fortunately, my way of dealing with these situations doesn't require me to differentiate between "hooker talk" and...whatever the opposite of "hooker talk" is. As one lady memorably told me, "you know when I say 'I love you', I mean 'hobby love', right?"

That may be the smartest thing I've ever heard stated on the matter.

Bully for her. She gets it.

I think I'll try that sometime and see what the reaction is.

[TinMan]

Originally Posted by Sir Lancehernot

Bully for her. She gets it.

I think I'll try that sometime and see what the reaction is.

Well, you know if they don't at least smile, it's time to get the hell out !

[OldGrump]

I have referred to my ATF as my "Hobby Wife". I also have a favorite Chinese massage girl that I asked to marry me when I got younger. Some of it is all in fun, all of it is meant as a compliment. Feelings for another person are hard to avoid. We just have to keep our lives in perspective.

If anything ever felt like it was getting too close, it would be time for a serious talk. Visualizing a "what if" scenario usually brings us back down to earth.

[Vulcan91057]

East Indian Anjuli, well said. I wouldn't mind falling for you though , you are gorgeous.

[whitechocolate]

Many providers are experts at making you feel they are in love with you but that is part of their professional skills as providers. Many are actually turned on by your lovemaking which providers actually like and respond genuinely with lots of intensity and real passion but the more skillful ones know how to keep their emotions in check to meet their "survival" needs. I have seen providers "in love" with several clients at the same time. As has been noted, you never know what is going on with the provider unless you actually marry them and even then you might not be sure.

[Guest070818-1]

Originally Posted by PleasantSurprise

Lust is a purely physical attraction. I think for the clients who are seeking a provider to meet their strictly physical needs, than lusting after one another is great!

I view love as a great, beautiful thing, intensifying sexual experiences. The closer I get to the feeling of love, the better the sex feels. I don't consider falling in love an accident. I look at it as something I will enjoy the entire time, and if/when it ends, well every minute I felt great was worth it.

Why overpower emotions and withdraw any possibility at love? It's ok for people to love. Especially if both people know their place. I am not going to marry you. You are not going to marry me. We aren't going to end up together. But we are going to love every minute of our time together, may it be lusting after one another physically, challenging one another mentally, complimenting one another verbally, or demonstrating love through acts of kindness and sincerity regardless of differences. I think a true love is unconditional, a good rule of thumb is… would you still see each other after a falling out, and if the answer is yes, it might be love. Yes, it might be because of money. But yet, it also might be because of non-financial reasons. I wear my heart on my sleeve every day. I don't get hurt though, because when a person no longer wants to see me, I'm ok with that. I love every minute and when the time comes to close a chapter and open another, well that's life. Relationships, business or personal, don't have to end ugly. They end ugly because one or both parties involved aren't mature enough to accept a potential reality and plan ahead. Yes, our relationship may end one day, let's not trick ourselves into believing this will last forever. Reality has it that this will most likely come to an end, and let's discuss the best way to end it when that time does come.

I think if the relationship begins as a fairy tale, then it won't work because it was a fake. The more you can be true to yourself from the very beginning, and just be who you are without putting on any fronts, the easier and longer lasting I think a relationship would be. May it be in a business, or personal, relationship.

Pfmtony said it best, if you can't fall for me during our time together, I don't want to see you.

Expectations are what cause relationships to fail. By only expressing love, the rest should be easy. If we worried more about ourselves and less about others, being the best person we can be instead of telling others how we think they should be, the world would be a happier place. I don't think a relationship requires one on one commitment to be happy. I don't think both people should sleep around either. I think each partner should respect the choice the other person makes. And if they don't like the choice, they can go away. Kind of like… you either like me or you don't, and this is who I am. I hope to have you in my life, but if you think it's a bad idea, well that's your choice to make. I won't beg you to stay.

So to answer the question asked by the OP, yes I've fallen for a client before, I'm okay with love, I'm not afraid of it, I don't run from it, I don't try to dodge it, I grasp it because I love how it makes me feel.

I agree with TinMan, If you truly care for the other party, you will respect that boundaries must exist, and do your best not to take advantage of the situation. The same can be said for relationships outside the hobby, for that matter.

To me, love does not give ultimatums. Saying, "If this, then you'll do that..." that isn't love. Love is something you do. Love is something you give. You cannot demand love of a person. You can love them enough to motivate them to love you back. I believe giving someone an ultimatum is the best way to lose a great thing.

This...