101 things NOT to say during S*X!

[BabyDallass]

101 Things Not To Say During Sex

1. But everybody looks funny naked!

2. You woke me up for that?

3. Did I mention the video camera?

4. Do you smell something burning?

5. (In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

6. Try breathing through your nose.

7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!

8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

10. But whipped cream makes me break out.

11. Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today.

12. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!

13. Can you please pass me the remote control?

14. Do you accept Visa?

15. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

17. And to think -- I was really trying to pick up your friend!

18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.

19. (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?

20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

21. (Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!

22. Do you get any premium movie channels?

23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

24. (Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!

25. Got any penicillin?

26. But I just brushed my teeth...

27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

29. I want a baby!

30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

31. (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...

33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

34. I think you have it on backwards.

35. When is this supposed to feel good?

36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!

37. You're good enough to do this for a living!

38. Is that blood on the headboard?

39. Did I remember to take my pill?

40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

41. I wish we got the Playboy channel..

42. That leak better be from the waterbed!

43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..

45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.

47. No, really.. I do this part better myself!

48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

49. This would be more fun with a few more people.

50. You're almost as good as my ex!

51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?

53. You look younger than you feel.

54. Perhaps you're just out of practice.

55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!

56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.

57. Now I know why he/she dumped you..

58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.

60. What tampon?

61. Have you ever considered liposuction?

62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

64. I have a confession..

65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?

67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

68. Is that a hanging sculpture?

69. You'll still vote for me, won't you?

70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?

71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

72. Did you come yet, dear?

73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about..

74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!

75. Does this count as a date?

76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

77. Hic! I need another beer for this please.

78. I think biting is romantic -- don't you?

79. You can cook, too right?

80. When would you like to meet my parents?

81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like.. Woman: Yourself?

82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.

84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.

85. (In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?

86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?

87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.

88. Sorry but I don't do toes!

89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper..

92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer".

93. So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!

94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

95. Is this a sin too?

96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!

97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

98. Long kisses clog my sinuses..

99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise..

100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

101.You mean you're NOT my blind date?

[shorty]

Good one's BD. Seems like I can relate to some of those with some of the ladies.

You forgot one BD. . . Is It In There Yet!!

[BabyDallass]

LOL! ahhh the good is in there yet, 102 things not to say... im sure we could keep going lol!

[PAPA JOE]

LMAO.. good ones !
let's keep going
you could add:


103. your sister liked it when i did that.

104. no .... the dog is not gonna watch .... he's joining in.

105. pull my finger.

106. want me to pull the scabs off first?

[TechOne]

You can't plug that in here...it requires 240, not 120!

[PAPA JOE]

108. I think the condom broke .... 10 minutes ago.

109. Now we must get married.

110. Oh Susan, Susan... I mean Donna... dang.

[BabyDallass]

Originally Posted by PAPA JOE

LMAO.. good ones !
let's keep going
you could add:


103. your sister liked it when i did that.

104. no .... the dog is not gonna watch .... he's joining in.

105. pull my finger.

106. want me to pull the scabs off first?

LMAO Off those are good ones!

[BabyDallass]

111. The last guy that I just got done with was better
112. Which twin are you again?
113. (while watching porn) Stop and look at the screen and point at the guy/girl who is now a porn star ~ah There goes my Ex!
114. Your brother is ALOT bigger
115. Is that tuna I smell?
116. Let me take out my teeth first, I do the job better that way!

[PAPA JOE]

117. Your mother's hot. Can you fix us up?


118. Just use your finger, it's bigger.


119. Can you hold this sandwich for me?


120. You're as soft as a sheep .... inside and out.

[BabyDallass]

121. Are you that loose or am I just that small?

122. Can you hand me the olive oil?

[TechOne]

123. "Hurry up, the cops just pulled up behind us!"

[BabyDallass]

Originally Posted by giteneny

123. "Hurry up, the cops just pulled up behind us!"

LOL! Oh shit!

[BabyDallass]

124. The condom broke......and I came.

125. Is that cottage cheese?

126. Is my pinky winky sleeping?

127. May I collect? LOL!

[PAPA JOE]

128. It's nice being in bed with someone i don't have to inflate.

129. N0! You're too fat to be on top.

130. I was so horny tonight, I would have taken a sheep home.

131. Smile for the camera!

132. It wasn't those pants that made you ass look fat!

133. When you sit on my face, I can't hear the radio !

[TechOne]

134. Damn sand gets into EVERYTHING!