Never been in jail, never been gay or bi, so outside of a yearly checkup which the prostrate is checked, the azz is virgin territory.
Seeing one of my parents had colorectal cancer, my MD had told me that at 50 I needed a colonoscopy as a part of my yearly well man exam. Well, I am a few years past 50, and as time went on, I knew myself that I needed this test.
One of my parents had to have several colonoscopys after they had a bout with colon cancer. Basically my mother had a cancer in the anus or lower part of the bowel, and they gave her a full bore colostomy, which was a terrible surgery. This was in the late 70's. She had yearly colonoscopys and she had always told me the worst part was the prep for the test. She mentioned taking some sort of soapy liquid to clean out her system. Those facts, plus a couple of more led me to not wanting to mess with this test.
On my side, outside of removing tonsils I have never been in a hospital. I have had a couple of teeth removed, but that under a local and some funny gas. I have never had an IV, ever. Call me lucky.
This year it had been 5 years since my MD had heavily suggested (demanded is a bit too strong) a colonoscopy. Earlier this year, my wife had her gall bladder removed, and I promised her that as soon as we got her well, I would really consider a colonoscopy.
That time had come, and she was a over her gall bladder surgery.
We chose her doctor and made a visit. As soon as he found out I was in my mid-50s with a parent with colon cancer, he told me we really needed to set up and appointment for a colonoscopy. He was more demanding than my regular MD, and he had my wife on his side. We talked about the prep and he said that there is another way to prep outside of that liquid, so he gave me a bottle of pills and we set up an appointment. My only demand is that I would be first appointment of the day. Never even having an IV, I knew I would be very anxious and probably scared of the unknown.
So the appointment was set up.
The way to prep now a days is actually very simple and painless. You are given a bottle of pills named OSMOPREP (
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000498) which basically induces diarrhea, which will clean out your system. You can't eat the whole day before and must be on a clear liquid diet. Sprite caught hell these two days.
With OSMOPREP what you do is take 4 pills at 4...4:15....4:30.....4:45....a nd 5 pm. You take these pills along with 8 ounces of clear liquid. The pills are tasteless and easy to swallow.
At around 5:30, the system was starting to move. I would describe it like having a stomach virus, without nausea or a stomach ache. The need to go to the restroom isn't all of a sudden where you race to the commode, but you know when it hits, you can make a simple walk to the can.
I also had to repeat this same system at 8 pm. 4 pills at 8......8:15....and 8:30 again with 8 ounces of clear fluid with each ration of pills. At 8:30 all the pills were taken and outside of an occasional trip to the can, it wasn't bad at all. No nausea or stomach cramps. I just had diarrhea.
I did have to get up a couple of times during the night to cleanse my system, but it wasn't get up and run to the can, there is plenty of notice that it was time to go.
I arrived at the doctors office and went straight to prep. I had never had any trips to the clinic or hospital before for surgery or tests of this nature.
I stripped down and put on a gown and was taken to the scope room. Being first of the day, I wasn't in some sort of ward, but was placed straight on the bed. The nurses started hooking me up with three sticky monitors, and wrapped a blood pressure monitor to my arm. Now for my very first IV. I thought all IV's went through the hand, but she looked for a place on my arm. I really wanted it in my hand, so she agreed to put it there. Nothing to it at all, but a quick stick. After a minute, I forgot it was there.
Next the doctor comes in. I had told the nurses before this that I was really anxious and asked if we could just knock me out, but they could not do that till the doctor got to the room. The last thing I remember was a nurse putting a more meds in my IV.
I was OUT!
The next thing I remember is sitting in the bed and the IV being removed, which was totally painless. I got dressed and my wife told me what all the doctor told her. A small polyp was found and removed and the doctor is 99.9999% sure it was non cancerous. I will need a follow up visit sometime in August.
One joke I had told the nurse that if she found gerbil footprints in my colon, not to think bad about me, and come to find out after surgery when I was in the twilight zone, I retold that joke about 3 times, but I don't remember a thing, which includes talking to the doctor.
Basically it wasn't bad at all. It was done in the doctors clinic, not at some outpatient clinic or hospital. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.
Some other quick thoughts. I have never felt this vulnerable before, so totally out of control. I am not used to people doing everything for me. I guess I was totally helpless, and under the control of other people with my life in their hands.
The prep wasn't bad at all. The pills were tasteless, and even though I had to take 32 of them, IMHO it was better than drinking a bunch of liquid.
Many trips to the can were OK when you look at the big picture, which was to get closure in the health of your colon. As mentioned before, no nausea or cramps.
Given a choice I will always be first, nothing worse than having a 10:00am appointment and having the doctor run late and your 10 am turns into a 11:30 am.
The prep in the room was minimal. I was surprised by the monitors, but all they were is stickies to your chest area.
The colonoscopy was a non item. I was OUT.
The recovery was also a non item, I don't remember a thing but being told to get dressed and that I could go home.
After getting home, I ate a quick breakfast and went back to bed to sleep the rest of the day. Some gas, but the system had been cleaned out, so there wasn't any more diarrhea. There is no pain or any discomfort in the anal region, where the probe entered my body.
The next time I should have to do this is 2015, and maybe at that time there will be other ways to check the colon, rectum, and anus.
But the biggest question is this. DJ, why are you posting this?
Good question and here is my answer. There is a lot of traffic on this site and a lot of people will read this. There may be some that need this exam done, some with good answers from friends, some without a clue. A buddy of mine told me two years ago that he took a series of pills instead of that foul tasting fluid, so I am telling many others there are other ways to prep for this exam. Maybe someone will PM me with fears or questions that I can help them with.
Who knows, given a couple of years, that polyp found could be a cancer. Maybe someone who is on the fence about this test will get off the fence, and get this painless exam done. I don't work for any doctor or pharmacy company, so there is nothing to gain, except telling friends about my experience.
Taking it up the azz, and paying for it.
