How far is just too far?

[buzzworm86]

"So embarressed" to admit, but having never been sub, I can understand this p.o.v. so to me if it went to far, or didn't the after care makes my heart melt. If someone was particularly harsh, but then reassuring with hugs, affection, light kisses is to hot. It would be nice to be vulnerable and receive some tender after care is the icing on the cake. It woulden't matter to come, but just to know you were hers!

[Gurth]

I can't believe no one has brought up David Carradine as an example of going too far.

If I bolt for the door, that's a good indicator

I've always thought going a little too far is an important part of any play.

Expanding your boundaries.

Going too far makes the cuddling after play just vital. That's the time when you're going to get the best feedback so you can make the next time better

As far as humiliation goes, it's a lot more than just calling someone names. Just being naked with a fully clothed person is humbling. You can expand on that in all kinds of ways without ever a discouraging word. (like wearing a nun outfit)

I bet EW looks hot in her habit. (sorry about the pun)

[The Big Kahuna]

Originally Posted by barneyrubble

Luxury Daphne--what a great name and smile, by the way. It is all about PLAY. I am a confident male in public, but if I am with a worthy woman, once my mind is engaged, it is being sub--not a slave or doormat--which floats my boat.

If I laugh at you--or myself--during play--all the better. When it's over, I am definitely laughing about it all. I used to wonder why I was this way, if something was wrong with me. Now? I'm comfortable with my sexuality.

I do not like being called names--like loser or anything. But call me your toy, your slut, something along those lines--well, I like that.

Like I said, it all depends if the woman is worthy. Just because you are a woman, that alone does not bring out the sub in me.

Right on Barney Rubble....I was with a lady earlier this week that would definitely turn me sub...not slave or doormat. I am totally with you on the name calling etc. For me that is too far, but being called her slut, toy etc. yowza!

[starrofalbany]

Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

I guess that I didn't make myself clear ALTHOUGH ... I do love the way that the direction of this thread is going.

What I meant is, and what is being discussed is great as well, is have you ever been in a situation where you've pushed the boundaries perhaps MORE than you have in the past with a lover or a client and afterwards you ask yourself, "What have I just done?".

And then you feel a little disgusted with yourself or slightly sick. I did that when I first fisted a guy. It was one of the most thrilling things that I have ever done. My endorphins were flying and I had completely everything correctly and everything was fine.

He left. And about 45 minutes later I thought to myself that I had really crossed some line within myself. Would I do it again? Yes. But it was a little more than top drop.

It's a question of how far would I go without thinking to myself, "Oh. My. God". I don't believe that I'm making sense.

Hmmm....I'm actually saying similar things as everyone else has said.

Alright. I'll take my foot out of my mouth, now!!!

Elisabeth

or out of his ass....lol...
I have done the same thing, but it was like a giant double ended dildo and a slightly older than 40 man who couldn't get enough. I was proud I managed to do it sooo well without a strap on belt..I think it was his very reaction that made me ill 30 mins later when daydreaming. I thought..not seeing him again. His little cries of joy and the creeeeeepy smile. Too much. Now that's on the web for all the read, hahaha. I also think that roman, brown, and blood play are too much as well.

[badbottom]

For me it is simple.

Too far is when I damage myself. Whether that is physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.

The physical part is flexible, as I enjoy a good set of bruises on occasion. But something that caused permanent damage, broken bones, scars, that to me is too far.
Emotionally, it would be something that pushed me past the point of fun, past the point of not-fun-but-really-it-is-fun into turned-into-a-puddle-of-tears. Certain types of humiliation play do that to me. This would also be in a situation where my emotions or the emotions of anyone else are played with or manipulated for malicious intent and they cause harm.
Mentally damaging would be things that violated my sense of self. Pushing a hard boundary is one thing, but blatantly breaking it would be bad in my opinion. For me or my partner(s) this would be too much. This would also be things like having to compromise my core values as well.
Spiritually would be doing things that violate my core values. Lying to people, doing things intentionally to hurt other people whether physically, emotionally, etc. This would also be when I act knowing the negative consequences outweigh the benefits.

In the BDSM realm, many people talk about the difference between hurt and harm. Hurt is temporary, goes away, is fun.
Harm involves damage to self, done not with the best interests of the person being harmed, whether intentional or not.

Hurt me all night long, baby, but harm me and I'll fuck your world up like you wouldn't believe.