Sex Jokes

[carnac]

Two guys are playing golf behind a twosome of women who are incredibly slow, after about 5 holes one guy tells the other im gonna go ask if we can play through. When he comes back his buddy asks well what did they say, i couldnt ask them he says, ones my wife and the other is my girlfriend so you'll have to go ask them. After a few minutes his buddy comes back and say small world.

[g0lfnutt]

What do tofu and dildos have in common? They’re both meat substitutes.

[g0lfnutt]

If sex is a pain in the ass you are not using enough lube!

[Lliks]

According to George Carlin a 71 is a 69 with 2 fingers stuck up your ass.

[Cnar]

A woman tells her husband that she's leaving him to become an escort. She says that she can make $400 for what she gives him for free.

He replies that he'll be interested to see how she lives on $800 a year.

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The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" while their 8-year-old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. “There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "An ambulance just drove by!" "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike!" "Looks like the Sanders are moving!" "Jason is on his skate board!" After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!" Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having sex?" "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.

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While visiting his sister one Thanksgiving, a man walks in on her masturbating with a banana. He says, "Well, damnit I was going to eat that later but I'm allergic to bananas. (Roll Tide)

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What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

[Johnnytricks]

Couple of ladies driving thru Arizona stopped for gas they asked the cashier how she delt with the heat all the time. She said I’m a Navajo,well we Chicago hoes it’s killing us.

[g0lfnutt]

This one’s for you PartTimeHobbyist-
Staff Edit - Biomed1

[g0lfnutt]

Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you arent getting any.

[Parttimehobbyist]

Originally Posted by g0lfnutt

This one’s for you PartTimeHobbyist-
Staff Edit - Biomed1

I can’t mention any dr*gs on here cause I’m a few points away from getting banned but I’m gonna go with masturblazing lol

[ddepthroatme]

Why do ladies like put Ennrgize barreries in backwards on toys? So the can keep on coming