Happily married, an oxymoron?

[Lovely Victoria]

First a warning - this is my first PWI and please excuse all typos and use of grammars.

I was chatting up with a married guy tonight at a lounge and the topic of marriage came up. I called him on his suave move of removing the ring from his left hand and placing it on his right hand, casually, before he strutted over and asked him whether he was "happily married." And he answered, for men there is no such thing as happily married; "happily married" for men is an oxymoron. Men are married. Period. He likes being married, but loved being single. To get married was an ego thing, to spread his genes, if you will. I've not been married, so I can't really related, but is there any truth to what he was saying?

[Guest053011]

Welcome to the PWI club! Cheers!

Those words may very well be a reflection of his experience and life. However, when it comes to the broader experience, I think it is oversimplified and jaded.

I have known those that were happily married. I have met those that sought a partner out of the desire to be loved and understood, who believed in intimacy and passion.

Men are not some base species ruled by instinct.... at least not all of them. There are good men out there, faithful and unfaithful, who don't use the excuse of biology to explain their lives.

[guest041110]

PWI can be very…. Hazardous!

In regards to your question Victoria, it is a matter of perception, at least I think so. There was a time that I was very happily married and I would be open to that again. However, I think your question is going to see a variety of answers with most being that what the guy you were chatting with told you is accurate. I know I have heard a slew of jokes about why marriage is bad for a man and good for a woman as well as the reverse.

In my case, I call BS. I think he was enjoying talking to you because you are very attractive and it was the thrill of the chase as far as he was concerned. By flirting, he was going to the end of his leash and barking at you while your paying attention to him made him feel he still had “it”. No harm, no foul because he did not cross any lines as far as his ”mate” was concerned.

Think about this logically for a moment… if he was being accurate, would any guy ever get married?

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

]Think about this logically for a moment… if he was being accurate, would any guy ever get married?

Of course they would; all kinds of societal reasons out there.

[guest041110]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

...
Men are not some base species ruled by instinct.... at least not all of them. There are good men out there, faithful and unfaithful, who don't use the excuse of biology to explain their lives.

Yes, that is true Lauren but like it is for the guys, women have to sometimes weed through the chaff to find those guys.

Originally Posted by discreetgent

Of course they would; all kinds of societal reasons out there.

Please DG... I was limiting my answer to ordinary situations. In my view, you would be mistaken in that case however if it is the unusual then yes, you are correct.

[Guest053011]

I agree with DG, I think many men marry for societal reasons. We live in a world where the normal life cycle is to marry and have children, and many mindlessly float along because it's what's expected of a "normal" person.

Parents are a big pressure. Friends start to wonder what's wrong with you. The women they love pressure them. Even in professional environments life long bachelors or childless marriages face scrutiny and judgment. Don't forget the powerful effect of living in or being raised by strong traditional cultures and religious backgrounds as well.

Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

Yes, that is true Lauren but like it is for the guys, women have to sometimes weed through the chaff to find those guys.

Guys have to do the same thing. Not every woman's a gem. There are a lot of awful women out there too.

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

Please DG... I was limiting my answer to ordinary situations. In my view, you would be mistaken in that case

So was I. Agree to disagree.

[guest041110]

Interesting perspective you two and I will leave it as you last wrote DG.

It will be interesting to read what others have to write.

[EmilyHemingway]

Originally Posted by Lovely Victoria

I've not been married, so I can't really related, but is there any truth to what he was saying?

I wouldn't look for truth in wholesale summations on marriage from a fellow who removed his ring in order to meet women.

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by EmilyHemingway

I wouldn't look for truth in wholesale summations on marriage from a fellow who removed his ring in order to meet women.

Word!

[WTF]

Originally Posted by EmilyHemingway

I wouldn't look for truth in wholesale summations on marriage from a fellow who removed his ring in order to meet women.

LOL

[Iceman]

About 1:35 in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4Xd3YZj2N0

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

In my case, I call BS. I think he was enjoying talking to you because you are very attractive and it was the thrill of the chase as far as he was concerned. By flirting, he was going to the end of his leash and barking at you while your paying attention to him made him feel he still had “it”. No harm, no foul because he did not cross any lines as far as his ”mate” was concerned.

The thrill of the chase is great. Since it would be inappropriate for him to actually bed you and you don't have to overtly turn him down, he walks away unscarred with a jolt to his ego.

Originally Posted by discreetgent

Of course they would; all kinds of societal reasons out there.

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

I agree with DG, I think many men marry for societal reasons. We live in a world where the normal life cycle is to marry and have children, and many mindlessly float along because it's what's expected of a "normal" person.

Parents are a big pressure. Friends start to wonder what's wrong with you. The women they love pressure them. Even in professional environments life long bachelors or childless marriages face scrutiny and judgment. Don't forget the powerful effect of living in or being raised by strong traditional cultures and religious backgrounds as well.

.

agree & agree. The pressures are both internal (desire for kids, changing social life/desires) & external (parents, society in general)

Originally Posted by EmilyHemingway

I wouldn't look for truth in wholesale summations on marriage from a fellow who removed his ring in order to meet women.

yep & even if he's right about himself, I don't think he can speak for mankind

[John Bull]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

I agree with DG, I think many men marry for societal reasons...

Parents are a big pressure. Friends start to wonder what's wrong with you. The women they love pressure them. Even in professional environments life long bachelors or childless marriages face scrutiny and judgment. Don't forget the powerful effect of living in or being raised by strong traditional cultures and religious backgrounds as well.

How then to explain the man who marries 2 or 3 times after already having the children etc.?

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by John Bull

How then to explain the man who marries 2 or 3 times after already having the children etc.?

Some men never learn

Seriously, I think in part it still has to do with position in society. Being married conveys a certain stability and maturity (whether it is warranted or not is a whole other question) that society values; it helps in business, social relations, and so forth. Yes, the irony is that being re-married seems to override the fact that someone divorce a few times!