Addiction?

[Tan Khan]

As I reach a time in my life, where the kids are not the center of it, they are more independent, I've been reflecting a little. I've always seen myself as a regular guy that has "needs", since those "needs" are not met a home, it seem fair to look elsewhere. In the hobby at first, then in the sugar baby world, trying always not to get emotionally involved. The lifestyle has been difficult (at times) to justify to myself, it would be impossible to justify to my kids, if they were ever to find out.

I've read about people with sexual addictions, but never consider myself anywhere near that "condition". Thinking it's just a hobby, like fishing or golf. As I look back at the last few years, I'm beginning to reconsider. Are we, guys in this hobby, like and alcoholic, not able to healthy manage our sexual urges? if so, are we addicts in need of treatment? I'm sure the answer is different for each one of us. Regardless of moral or ethic codes, it is likely that most of us are addicts, just in different degrees.

There have bee a couple of times when I "quit" the hobby, only to come back a few months later. There are times, especially after a couple of lackluster encounters, when I loose interest, but I return sooner or later. I would be very difficult for me to stop for good, maybe as I get older, libido will decrease.

Do you, as a hobbiest, view yourself in need of change? or are you happy with living this was as long as possible?

[Austin Ellen]

Hi Tan,

I just wanted to pop in and respond to your post. When people talk about sexual addiction they are talking about a compulsion not an an actual addiction. You can die from drug or alcohol abuse. That's the difference. So don't worry -you're just a normal male.

[Ollie Pop]

I couldn’t write a post describing myself or my thoughts better than you have already done. Will be interested to see some replies. Thanks TK

[pjd19000]

I ask myself this question all the time. There was a time late last year when I felt like the hobby was controlling me, I wasn't controlling it. I took 9 months off. I'm back now, but going much, much slower. I'm sticking to a few of my local favorites and trying out new ladies at a much slower pace. I'm happier and I enjoy the hobby more now.

[Mr_ Black]

In my opinion as long as you can continue to take calculated risks when engaging in the hobby then you are not necessarily addicted. Calculated risks as in: following your budget, sticking with verified providers to improve your efforts towards discretion and safety, having a system for not getting caught by an SO, family, or LE and strictly following it, and playing safe are some examples.

Once you get reckless and not being mindful of the repercussions then you are starting to lose control and maybe crossing the line towards addiction. I think what the OP is experiencing is the normal ebb and flow of the hobby. Starting out it’s great then after a few bad sessions or it doesn’t seem exciting anymore you take a break but then miss the fun of it and come back. And the cycle continues.

Just keep patronizing the ladies responsibly and you’ll be fine. I had moments where I had moral hangups about it or quitting but realized as long as I stick to a plan to mitigate risks, the hobby is a nice option to have available and thankful for the ladies that entertain us.

[GneissGuy]

Who cares if it's an addiction? Worry about whether it's a problem.



I might be addicted to my leisurely evening soak in the tub, but as long as it doesn't cause problems, who cares?



People have lost jobs because they're addicted to daytime soap operas. Some people are addicted to alcohol and suffer little harm.

[cinderbella]

Just an observation because I studied psychology in depth and am a female in my early 50's who served in the military surrounded by men who I worked with and got to know so well. I also speak from the standpoint of raising a kid myself who has grown up to be a successful adult who is in a loving hetro relationship.

I believe that women and men can have this condition that we grapple with and often get labeled with "Sex Addict", primarily if caught or if it interferes with life in a negative way.

I am going to piss a ton of people off by posting this opinion that I have but here goes. For the sake of disclosure, I am going to only state that these are my experiences and observations only, so what I believe based on information I have seen and have had.

Think of your opposite sex parent and what sort of relationship you had growing up with them. In my case, my dad was a workaholic and not that interested in being a dad. I never felt special or treasured by him. The messages I got from him were that I was only as good as I looked and that I needed to be married and under the thumb of a husband asap. I followed that theory and tried desperately to get married. As soon as I got married, my new husband was out of the country on a 6 month deployment. I felt no romantic love for my husband, the man that I fell in deep love with had left me. I immediately was pursued and fell in love/lust with a man who ended up being diagnosed as a sex addict. I personally did not feel that he was a sex addict, as I was the only person other than his wife that he had sex with. I think that his mom from what he told me was a great mom but she was extremely religious and he told me that he used to insult and degrade her during his teenage rebel years.

Since I have been in this business, I have gotten to know some very nice men that I would not know otherwise. I am consistently surprised how decently they treat me and how harmless they tend to be, but that may be based on my screening and requirements. I keep my rates fair but I refuse to see anyone who I personally would not feel safe trapped in an elevator with. I choose clients with the same personality traits that I have in my dating life. I don't see any difference in most of these guys that I saw from the man I fell in love with shortly after I married all those years ago.

I just happen to think that some parenting styles help kids relate to issues of intimacy better than others. I think that super strict parenting and lax parenting often produce ( not always) a scenario where the child grows up to become an adult who makes seeking intimacy a top priority because they feel unloved or unappreciated at their core. I think that this is fairly common and not a mistake of the parent. I think that like in all bonding experiences, some people bond with us better than others.

I have another former boyfriend who I remain very good friends with. We started dating when I was in my mid 20's and we traveled around the world together. We dated for a few years and we spent lots of time with each others families for holidays and such. My old boyfriend has a very dynamic mother who always treated him like her best friend and business associate. They have always lived together and ran businesses together. It was the weirdest thing and I knew damned well that woman did not want me to marry her son. He never married, and he still lives with his mom. He is straight as an arrow and he is getting his Ph.D in psychology, has never drank or smoked. He even helped raise his younger sisters kids while she worked. He still speaks to me as if we are still dating, and I know that it helps him feel better. In his case, his mother obviously tied the apron strings but it works for them.

I have also dated men who were either scared of their mom or could not trust her somehow. That brings in a whole new can of worms metaphorically speaking. Back to my original point, I say look at the relationship with the parent for clues. I know so many women off the top of my head who had great bonding experiences with their fathers and they grew up to marry well and to be able to weather the rockier episodes and times in their marriages better than most. I think that a parent who has the knack of teaching kids boundries and self importance as well as how to relate in relationships is key. So many parents insist that their kids do things in a certain way and are excessively strict or do not accept their kids as individuals run the risk of confusing relationship roles and patterns. The need to be loved and accepted for who we are is a basic human need. If we somehow do not find it in ourselves, we look for it from others. Just my opinion and I hope I did not piss anyone off for saying so.

It is very, very difficult if not impossible to build up a broken adult. We have no control over the earliest parts of our lives. That is a signature in our psyche that is as individual as a fingerprint.

EDIT: If you somehow think you have an addiction or a problem, you can instantly make yourself feel better by reading any legitimate account made of an infamous male murderer out there by reading a carefully researched biography. Many of the most horrible and terrifying murderers have extremely f*cked up parents. They tend to be raised by certified sadist mothers who did things to them that I cannot mention here because of guidelines.