Communication Breakdown

[The Rover]

So a few of you are bound to have read the crap going on with me . First off let me apologize for that . What makes some of you ladies clam up and not communicate ? I know it could seem to be the easiest choice , but is it ? Seems to cause more problems in the long run . Whatever it may be that you feel unable to communicate ? I personally prefer someone brutally honest that can just tell it like is . So why the breakdown in communication ?

[homer13]

I can't help you bro, I don't quite get your end game on this one. Do you mean communication for an appointment that has to be canceled or are you talking about something else?

[John_Dough]

I get your point. Just a reminder how non important we really are.

[The Rover]

Originally Posted by homer13

I can't help you bro, I don't quite get your end game on this one. Do you mean communication for an appointment that has to be canceled or are you talking about something else?

Mostly about the reason for a cancelation , but also things that bother them in general . Whether it be hygiene , or tardiness , or attitudes . Whatever they are not able to communicate .

[JustJane]

The breakdown in communication is usually caused by a SO. If a girl is in a relationship with someone, and he knows about the hobby, then he either directly or indirectly puts pressure on her to end her relationships with her friend-clients (frients? clends? FC?). Mostly because he knows that she doesn't always get a donation for hang time with said FC. She may not know how to properly communicate her SO's wishes to her FC. She may not want to hurt anyone's feelings. She may have lied to her SO about her whereabouts when she was with her FC. She may not know where the relationship with the SO is headed, but she doesn't want to end it with her FC either. There are a million different variables, and I've only listed a few (it's late and I'm tired - I may have more answers tomorrow, err... later today).

Please note that I'm not trying to speak for anyone, just trying to give you some insight.

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by The Rover

Mostly about the reason for a cancelation , but also things that bother them in general . Whether it be hygiene , or tardiness , or attitudes . Whatever they are not able to communicate .

In regards to a reason for a cancellation, listen to John Dough. Once you can accept that you don't matter the answer becomes obvious.

In regards to the other things. It does a provider no good to discuss any of those things in a public forum. Others will see her as being too needy or a pain pain the ass. Most providers really walk a very fine line in regards to what they post as it has an impact on their business.

No matter HOW good their reason's might be for being bitchy, very few people want to see a bitchy provider.

Catch 22.

they can only choose between the guys that choose them.

We get to choose from a much wider selection as the most important thing we offer is cash.

Our attitudes get overcome everyday by their needs and our wallets.....

They will EVEN pretend to be interested in what we want to talk about! Imagine that!

How often is their PM Box full? Imagine their emails and voice mails.

you, I , others..... Just a number at best to most,

There are certainly exceptions....

[The Rover]

Originally Posted by Whispers

In regards to a reason for a cancellation, listen to John Dough.
No matter HOW good their reason's might be for being bitchy, very few people want to see a bitchy provider.

Jane is probably on to something with the cause, but it doesn't really explain the method used . Or why it wouldn't just be faster , and easier to speak your mind .

And W with the pm 's and the emails I received from others yesterday , you are correct . And most don't like the idea of the bitchy provider . Hobbyist and providers alike !

And it all still leaves me scratching my head wondering why not just say something ?

[Jay Walker]

Originally Posted by JustJane

The breakdown in communication is usually caused by a SO. If a girl is in a relationship with someone, and he knows about the hobby, then he either directly or indirectly puts pressure on her to end her relationships with her friend-clients (frients? clends? FC?). Mostly because he knows that she doesn't always get a donation for hang time with said FC. She may not know how to properly communicate her SO's wishes to her FC. She may not want to hurt anyone's feelings. She may have lied to her SO about her whereabouts when she was with her FC. She may not know where the relationship with the SO is headed, but she doesn't want to end it with her FC either. There are a million different variables, and I've only listed a few (it's late and I'm tired - I may have more answers tomorrow, err... later today).

Please note that I'm not trying to speak for anyone, just trying to give you some insight.

Wow! This one should get a sticky. I've been on both sides, and this is about as real and true as it gets. If you pay, or have ever paid, the relationship, or perceived relationship with her will always be dependent on how things are going with the guy who hasn't or doesn't pay. I hate to speculate but it seems that this girl has decided that she's found "the one", and she feels uncomfortable with any relationship beyond strictly transactional, and hopes to "retire" from those as well. I'd say that it's time to move on and let her go. For what it's worth, I've found that they often come back, wishing to renew the friendship.

Best of luck to you both, and thanks to Jane for articulating what so many of us fail to understand.

[runswithscissors]

Rover, it is human nature for most women, and most men, to "clam up" and run..

Real life or Hobby life...

The Ladies on this board walk a razor edge everyday; they have a personal life with a significant other; they have a personal life with kids; they have their real world business life in alot of cases, and their business life in this lifestyle... quite a lot to juggle...

And when the line gets blurred with frienship, its easy for communication to break down, confused feelings emerge, and the natural tendency is to clam up and run...

I am only speaking in general terms, and of my own experience of blurring the lines with a lady.

Would it have been easier and faster for a lady to just speak her mind? Sure, in a perfect world...

As Jane stated, many variable come into play, freindships make it harder to just speak your mind, feelings get hurt on both sides...

Chalk this up to a lesson learned, a reality check of life in Hobby World...

A regular client is a steady source of income, but when freindships develop, and the relationship comes into question because of feelings, the lady is forced to choose between an steady source of income, or losing that source of income, but maybe wanting to stay friends. Very easy to duck and run from those feelings when the pressure mounts. Its only human nature, walking on a razor edge.

[Poet Laureate]

I would think it would be difficult for a lady who is trying to retire from the life, especially if she is a well-known and popular provider with a good-sized following, to pick and choose which of the many emails, PMs, texts, and phone messages she will return. My guess is that this lady has been inundated by attempts to communicate with her, and she may have shut down altogether rather than trying to decide which of us to answer and which to ignore. Ending all contact may have been a defense mechanism against knowing that there were some out there who would be feeling hurt or angry, and just not wanting to deal with it.
-
That said, I agree there is no excuse for a NCNS, and from her it really is a surprise. Maybe that's just a manifestation of the pressure she's feeling? Who knows. I'm guessing we'll not find out anytime soon.

[Spacemtn]

Originally Posted by The Rover

Jane is probably on to something with the cause, but it doesn't really explain the method used . Or why it wouldn't just be faster , and easier to speak your mind .

And W with the pm 's and the emails I received from others yesterday , you are correct . And most don't like the idea of the bitchy provider . Hobbyist and providers alike !

And it all still leaves me scratching my head wondering why not just say something ?

Think about your question! Think about the question that all males spend their entire lives trying to answer only to remain mystified as they pass from this world to whatever is next.

The female of the species is the most mysterious, enigmatic, and confusing of creatures that the male of the species will encounter in the entirety of their existence!! We always say that we will never figure them out, or that the guy that figures out "women" will rule the world!!! Perhaps that is why we crave their company, attentions, affections, etc. Perhaps we feel that the closer that we are the better our chance of "figuring them out"!!!! NOT!!!!!!

I do not say this as a negative to the female of the species (quite the contrary), but as an observation as to why the male is constantly "scratching his head, wondering"!!!! Which is exactly what the female of the species wants us doing, wondering!!!!

My older brother once gave me a pearl of wisdom that he encouraged me to never forget!! "THAT PUSSY WILL MAKE A FOOL OUT OF YOU EVERY TIME!!!!!"

Spacemtn
AustinModStaff

[sixxbach]

Originally Posted by Spacemtn

My older brother once gave me a pearl of wisdom that he encouraged me to never forget!! "THAT PUSSY WILL MAKE A FOOL OUT OF YOU EVERY TIME!!!!!"

Spacemtn
AustinModStaff

Your brother is a wise man......

sixx

[guest020313]

Originally Posted by runswithscissors

Rover, it is human nature for most women, and most men, to "clam up" and run..

Real life or Hobby life...

The Ladies on this board walk a razor edge everyday; they have a personal life with a significant other; they have a personal life with kids; they have their real world business life in alot of cases, and their business life in this lifestyle... quite a lot to juggle...

And when the line gets blurred with frienship, its easy for communication to break down, confused feelings emerge, and the natural tendency is to clam up and run...

I am only speaking in general terms, and of my own experience of blurring the lines with a lady.

Would it have been easier and faster for a lady to just speak her mind? Sure, in a perfect world...

As Jane stated, many variable come into play, freindships make it harder to just speak your mind, feelings get hurt on both sides...

Chalk this up to a lesson learned, a reality check of life in Hobby World...

A regular client is a steady source of income, but when freindships develop, and the relationship comes into question because of feelings, the lady is forced to choose between an steady source of income, or losing that source of income, but maybe wanting to stay friends. Very easy to duck and run from those feelings when the pressure mounts. Its only human nature, walking on a razor edge.

RUNS WITH SCISSORS!!!!!
So glad your back ! My smartest friend!

[Pflugerbill]

So you would rather NCNS rather than respond? Interesting TCB.

Originally Posted by Absolutely

RUNS WITH SCISSORS!!!!!
So glad your back ! My smartest friend!

[JustJane]

The other thing to think about is that some people are afraid of confrontation. It's easier to ignore the person/problem and hope that it just goes away (and it almost never does, at least in my experience). Issues with confrontation usually stem from childhood (broken home, abusive parent, etc), and are difficult to fix. It's difficult to learn how to confront someone properly/effectively.

The other thing I wanted to chime in on: NCNS. I try not to get worked up about them, because shit happens. Life happens. Especially in the hobby world. Anything can go wrong, plans get changed for you, etc. Whether it's a sick child, an SO who canceled a trip, a car accident, an argument with someone, or maybe you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed - for whatever reason, you can't call/text/email/PM. Or you don't want to. It's rare, but it happens to the best of us. Take a deep breath and just ride it out. That's my two cents, anyway.