I met a submissive woman

[stavinChain]

Originally Posted by racecardriver

Although I thank all the other posters, I do not believe that porn is a good source of information to apply in real life.

Any other questions we can help you with??

[racecardriver]

Originally Posted by stavinChain

Any other questions we can help you with??

Thanks for the offer. So far we have had few meetings, and I think I am getting the hang of it, progressing slowly, since I figured no need to rush. I will keep your offer in mind if I hit a snag, but its looking like you have a convert!

[Krunkman]

Originally Posted by racecardriver

I appreciate your input. Although I thank all the other posters, I do not believe that porn is a good source of information to apply in real life.
for anyone interested in this topic I found this book to be an excellent source of information:

Different Loving (Brame et al)

Actually porn can be a good source of fantasy... but without some knowledge and experience, it can also be a bad source. Some of the porn out there is just atrocious, but common sense and patience can take a bad porn scene and turn it into fuel for a wonderful fantasy.

[copper]

Some may consider it porn, but Nina Hartley and Tristan Taormino have many good guides available that are educational / instructional and not pornographic, IMO. You don't have to rush out and buy them. You can get it streamed in for literally pennies a minute, and if it's not your thing, you haven't spent much or bought anything...and there is no evidence.

[racecardriver]

The thing is if you are into this kind of thing you probably have already thought about this and had ideas of what you like. Somehow I managed to keep that side of me suppressed for years and never pursued it with purpose, but did gently test the waters with almost every woman I met. In this instance when she told the she is a sub, it revived my interest. I am feeling very comfortable with it, but one should also be aware of their partner's limits. I have to say the book I referenced is a great unbiased and nonjudgmental description and explanation of the whole thing. Ironically as I am getting older I am a lot more open minded and accepting of a lot more, I just do not understand how most people exhibit an opposite trend. Despite all that I still think pornography is more of a show business intended mostly for guys and gals to self indulge. I would have reservations on taking that model and applying it to real life. Yet, at times it can be useful to get some ideas from it and adjust it for use. If someone is into reading books there is a series of books written by Ann Rice, under the name A. Roquelaure who were pointed out to me by a very nice UTR lady on this site. These books are named:

The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty
Beauty's Punishment
Beauty's Release

They are a twist on the Classic Sleeping Beauty. They have been described by many as pornographic, to which I disagree, but they are extremely well written books that deal with submission and punishment with a strong erotic component, a very surprising work from an accomplished author.

[pmdelites]

Originally Posted by Ms. Athena

Everyone has limits and it is good to set those prior to pushing bounders.....just ask her what her limits are and this can open up your line of discussion on her version of kink and submissive.......Have fun!

i think this is very good advice.
find out what she's done before or what kind of things she likes - without saying that you will or will not do them, to keep her off balance. perhaps she could tell you about something that really turned her on and and something that scared the shit out of her that she wouldnt want to do it again [some women i've met absolutely refuse any tying of hands or earplugs or blindfolds].

then find out where her limits are and how she will let you know you've just crossed or just about to cross those limits. that is, what is her safeword.

read up on Dominance/submission as well as Bondage/Discipline and if she's really into it, masochism.

take it slowly with her, but TAKE CONTROL OF HER if that's what she wants.

[Mr MojoRisin]

You apparently don't know very much about women. Women never tell men they are submissive, never. She did cause she wanted to know how you would react. You did nothing to seduce or intice her. You just gave her some cheese ball kiss, that didn't go anywhere. When you see her Sunday, inform her that although she claims to be a submissive that you hardly have any skills in the Art of Seduction, and that most of your sexual encounters have been with Escorts. Women have Radar they can tell more about men in five minutes than men can tell about them in five months. You won't be getting her in the sack you had that chance and blew it. Sorry to have to tell ya this.

[AlisedeSade]

You may want to keep in mind that just because she is a submissive does NOT mean she is a masochist. There is a difference. As far as her not truly being submissive if she tells you want she is into is a crock. Some people like to roleplay and are into being slaves/subs to feel powerless and cater to you every whim. Others could care less about following commands and want you to whip them to the point of bleeding. Some meet somewhere in the middle of the two very different extremes. You will not know until you ask.

Try reading A Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren. It contains some very sexy scene ideas as well as some good sound advice for newbie beginners.

[The Slut]

I need to meet one of these ladies.

[blowpop]

Different Loving is a great book for anyone interested in sexual activity beyond the norm. I've enjoyed the "Beauty" books, but realize they're pretty far out there - don't expect that your submissive's comfort level extends out that far.

Ultimately, a D/S relationship requires communication and negotiation. As the dominant, you need to know what her boundaries are, and which ones she'd like to have pushed on occasion. Before you have this discussion, I think you're OK playing a bit (things like picking the restaurant, ordering with her preferences in mind, picking out her clothing when you go out, etc.) But I would be very careful in terms of being too dominant sexually too early, because if you push her and she's not ready, she could shy away, and trust could become very difficult to reestablish.

D/S is like many other sexual fetishes - for some people, it's great to think about, but somewhat scary to experience. That's why communication is so important. Until you have a very good idea exactly what it is that she wants, proceed with caution.

[debbietoo]

I think there are many women who enjoy being submissive in the bedroom, especially successful, intelligent ones! It gives them an outlet where they can give up control for awhile and melt into surrendering womanhood. It's always been a huge turn-on for me when a man is sexually aggressive. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't have a mind of my own outside the bedroom! Trust is an important thing in this kind of relationship, and also a discussion of limits and boundaries. I have to admit, the best sex I have ever had was when the man was in charge and completely took over (safely and tenderly, of course).

[racecardriver]

Originally Posted by debbietoo

I think there are many women who enjoy being submissive in the bedroom, especially successful, intelligent ones! It gives them an outlet where they can give up control for awhile and melt into surrendering womanhood. It's always been a huge turn-on for me when a man is sexually aggressive. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't have a mind of my own outside the bedroom! Trust is an important thing in this kind of relationship, and also a discussion of limits and boundaries. I have to admit, the best sex I have ever had was when the man was in charge and completely took over (safely and tenderly, of course).

Thank you. It is great to hear from the sub perspective, I was hoping someone who is a sub would chime in. Would you be comfortable discussing details not necessarily graphic but in what sense would your man take charge. If you are not comfortable posting I would appreciate a PM.

[MasterAlan1958]

1. Try reading "screw the roses,send me the thorns" by Miller & devon by mystic rose press
2. D/s,bdsm dosent mean abuse
3. SSC always (safe,sane,consensual)
4. communicate,communicate,comuni cate
5. study,study,study
6. safe word,safe word, safe word, and make it her full name, not strawberry, no one forgets their name
7. ALWAYS have a way she can signal you to stop, ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!
not long ago a Domme killed a guy who was in latex and was unable to speak, he kept squirming, she kept commanding him to stay still, so she continued to strike him, he quit moving cuz he was dead from an latex allergy
8.get a full medical history
9. see above, dont break any of these rules, not one, no matter what anyone says after this post......anyone
MasterAlan

[houston_switch]

MasterAlan is correct... and it isa great way to slowly get into the conversation of play with asking her to provide you with a safe word... if she does, you know immediately that she has at least some knowledge of this type of play and you can see what her reaction is... I always play with safe words and condoms...

Being DOM is about respect, carring and knowledge, being aware of the person you are playing with, after all they have given you their TRUST...

[Lynette]

It is odd that she would tell You so up front that she was submissive. But, perhaps she is looking for the right person and then converting them to D/s rather than going to D/s circles and trying to find a good date. You should start asserting Yourself at the restaurant as suggested. It sets the tone of the evening and at any rate is kinda just old fashioned chivalry anyway. Was wondering when the "safe word" would come up. When it comes time to play, You might ask if she has some words she'd like to use to let You know if she wants more, about the same, slow down, stop.