Why do some guys hate the word - Dom???

[Zena]

You would not believe how many guys out there Hate,

Really hate the word " Dom " !!! Vanilla and kinky guys !!!
They hate it so much that they wont even admit to it, even if they are.

I must have missed something, because I have no clue why.

I dont think its the whole 50 shades post~era either....
Guys and girls help me out on this one....please???
I am clueless here. Thank you!!!! lots of love~ Zena.

[Solemate62]

Saying ‘some guys’ is pretty general and we can plug in the ‘some’ word to any sentence and it is true to a fault. Like ‘some girls’ won’t meet older men, or ‘some’ guys don’t practice good hygiene! BTW, some guys love being a Sub and I’m proud to be one of them!

[pmdelites]

ignorance - not knowing about something

educate them and they might at least understand if not accept it.

[Ms. Athena]

I find they are put off by labelling, and more so thinking they are a sub. Many think it is unmanly and go against their own desires to save face. I detest labels. Yes, you give me your power to please you. That's my strong suite. Letting your guard down and just enjoy the pleasure, no matter what you crave. No need to label you....just cum to me with a open mind and I'll take you to there

[RetiredSubmariner]

I do not think that I 'hate' that word.

I am afraid of the idea of being with one.

My parents beat me a lot. I thought that I was okay, when I was 20 - 21. I was in the US Navy, I lived thousands of miles away from my family, I got married and I thought things were okay. During my first year with my new bride, when my birthday came around. We had a bunch of friends over for a dinner. Being a group of sailors they tackled me and began to give me a 'birthday spanking'. I did not know that I had PTSD until that day. That was over 30 years ago, most of what I remember was my wife holding me as I cried.

Over the years, my wife has always made sure that whenever we were at social functions, nobody has ever tried to do that to me again.

She has stood with me, supporting me, over the years, as we have dealt with my parents and my siblings. My parents eventually died, and now my siblings have begun dying.

The idea of submitting to anyone like that, horrifies me.

I have spent years in combat zones. Literally years. When I retired from the US Navy, one of the things we had to do was to go through my awards and count how many months I had been in combat. I have served alongside a lot of men who have died. My worst fear today, as an old fat retiree, is the fear of being beaten.

I can understand that some people like it. I do not mean you any disrespect. But the thought would give me nightmares, and I drink too much already.

[pmdelites]

zena, to help clarify...
"You would not believe how many guys out there Hate,

Really hate the word " Dom " !!! Vanilla and kinky guys !!!
They hate it so much that they wont even admit to it, even if they are."

are you saying that some guys you've seen or contemplated seeing do NOT want to be called a Dom?
or that some guys .... do NOT want to consult w/ a Dom?

[GoAheadMkMyDay]

I'm one of the guys that hate the word. Its because outside the lifestyle I feel it has very negative connotations. It is too easily confused with abusers and misogynists. I am neither. Not really a natural sadist either, but willing to play that for a sub that is a masochist (i.e. I will if its what she wants). Although, a previous SB of mine a few years ago used to call me her nurturing dom. I'm much more into control and sensual experiences (including a little light pain, yes, but more for variation). There's lots of stuff that I will do/initiate if I know it things she likes, but I enjoy them because I know she LIKES and WANTS them. Maybe that means I'm not a dom after all.

I think it might come down to why you are a Dom. If its to abuse, hurt, humiliate or degrade someone that doesn't want that, then that's the type of Dom I want no connection with, and I think that's what too many people want to be or people think that's what it means to be one. That kind of Dom to me is just an abusive asshole.

But maybe I'm wrong.

[Solemate62]

Too much psychoanalysis (IMO, as always!). Dr. Jennifer Mehlfi can stay retired. Am pretty sure Zena, OP, meant it to denote sexual encounters within the Hobby where the partners are in harmony within their roles: one being the Dominant, controller and the other being the docile Submissive partner.

[Anonymous01]

It might have to do (hypothetically) with a 12" dildo being rammed up one's virgin ass without any prior conversation, consent, or LUBE!


Resulting in a torn colon and a trip to the ER while bleeding like a stuck pig out the ass...


Just sayin'.

[Solemate62]

Originally Posted by Anonymous01

It might have to do (hypothetically) with a 12" dildo being rammed up one's virgin ass without any prior conversation, consent, or LUBE!


Resulting in a torn colon and a trip to the ER while bleeding like a stuck pig out the ass...


Just sayin'.

Love Hurts
The late Roy Orbison

[JRLawrence]

Originally Posted by RetiredSubmariner

I do not think that I 'hate' that word.

I am afraid of the idea of being with one.

My parents beat me a lot. I thought that I was okay, when I was 20 - 21. I was in the US Navy, I lived thousands of miles away from my family, I got married and I thought things were okay. During my first year with my new bride, when my birthday came around. We had a bunch of friends over for a dinner. Being a group of sailors they tackled me and began to give me a 'birthday spanking'. I did not know that I had PTSD until that day. That was over 30 years ago, most of what I remember was my wife holding me as I cried.

Over the years, my wife has always made sure that whenever we were at social functions, nobody has ever tried to do that to me again.

She has stood with me, supporting me, over the years, as we have dealt with my parents and my siblings. My parents eventually died, and now my siblings have begun dying.

The idea of submitting to anyone like that, horrifies me.

I have spent years in combat zones. Literally years. When I retired from the US Navy, one of the things we had to do was to go through my awards and count how many months I had been in combat. I have served alongside a lot of men who have died. My worst fear today, as an old fat retiree, is the fear of being beaten.

I can understand that some people like it. I do not mean you any disrespect. But the thought would give me nightmares, and I drink too much already.

We seem to have more and more in common. I too had annual 'birthday spankings from my older brother plus a really hard one to grow on. I remember this starting with age three up until I left home. I have hated having any birthday celebration until recently with my current family who are kind to each other. They don't even comprehend the idea of anyone ever getting a "birthday spanking".

Heartless, and repeated teasing was also a common thing when I was a youth. It took a long time to understand that teasing is aggression: it is OK for me not to like it. No normal family does it. The answer when I complained as a child was: "what's the matter with you, we were only teasing." No, it is not teasing, it outright aggression toward a child. When I first became an adult, I naturally thought that it was my time to be the one teasing. Wrong, there are better, and kinder, ways to relate to others.

Defending yourself is different: it should also be unexpected, complete and total. There are a people who are bullies that use things like "birthday spankings", teasing, intimidation and harrassment until someone puts a stop to it.

[JRLawrence]

Originally Posted by GoAheadMkMyDay

I'm one of the guys that hate the word. Its because outside the lifestyle I feel it has very negative connotations.

There is no feel about it. There are no connotations. It is thought of in a negative way by almost everyone; except a few, so very few. Those that don't think it is totally negative are just lying to themselves. It is a terrable thing.

It is too easily confused with abusers and misogynists. I am neither. Not really a natural sadist either, but willing to play that for a sub that is a masochist (i.e. I will if its what she wants). Although, a previous SB of mine a few years ago used to call me her nurturing dom. I'm much more into control

There we have it: admitting that much of this is about the control of other people. What everyone else understands, you just now get around to admitting the root cause of this behavior.


and sensual experiences (including a little light pain, yes, but more for variation). There's lots of stuff that I will do/initiate if I know it things she likes, but I enjoy them because I know she LIKES and WANTS them. Maybe that means I'm not a dom after all.

What? You are paying her, and she needs the money. No one believes that people want to be hurt. It is about you wanting power over others: because you have no power in your own life.

I think it might come down to why you are a Dom. If its to abuse, hurt, humiliate or degrade someone that doesn't want that, then that's the type of Dom I want no connection with, and I think that's what too many people want to be or people think that's what it means to be one. That kind of Dom to me is just an abusive asshole.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Yes you are wong. You are ----- ------: you need to be locked up in the crazy house, and the key thrown away.

[Zena]

GUYS ....GUYS.....AND GIRLS

I WAS TALKING ABOUT GENTLEMEN BEING -CALLED- ONE - A DOM - OR LABELED AS ONE.

NOT CONSULTING WITH ONE. NOT PLAYING WITH ONE !!! NOT BEING FORCED BY ONE !!!

[Zena]

Although Goaheadmkmyday and RetiredSubmariner kind of answered my question in a very good way... I thank you for that!!! That sheds some light on my question/ dilemma DEFINITELY!
THANK YOU !!!!

[Zena]

Originally Posted by JRLawrence

Yes you are wong. You are ----- ------: you need to be locked up in the crazy house, and the key thrown away.

JRLAWRENCE READ "GO AHEADS" COMMENT AGAIN, please... IT ACTUALLY MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.

At least it did to me. Im interested in hearing different viewpoints. How else are we supposed to learn??? At 21 I thought I knew everything, at 40+ there is SOO MUCH I dont know.

Just saying.... Thank you. Have a great day! Zena.