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Comedy Central All your funny stuff goes here.

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Old 07-07-2019, 09:09 AM   #586
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^^^ That's funny.


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Old 07-08-2019, 12:21 PM   #587
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Old 07-12-2019, 07:37 AM   #588
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Cat version

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7op92W7voE
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Old 07-16-2019, 07:04 AM   #589
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Old 07-19-2019, 09:43 PM   #590
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Old 07-25-2019, 04:42 PM   #591
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Old 08-11-2019, 10:34 AM   #592
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Old 08-13-2019, 05:23 AM   #593
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Old 08-13-2019, 05:33 AM   #594
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Old 08-20-2019, 08:13 AM   #595
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Old 08-21-2019, 11:51 PM   #596
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Default Talking Dog For Free

That house has a sign on it saying: Free Talking Dog! He stops, wondering what this is all about and notices an old guy sitting on the porch in a rocking chair. The guy says, "Hey, What's up with the talking dog?" The old guys answers, "He's yours if you want him." The guy scratches his head, thinking if the dog can really talk, he would be worth millions on the talk show circuit. "Can I talk to him first?" he asks. "Sure." the old man says, "he's right around back." So the guy walks around the side of the house to find an old dog laying in the shade. The guy walks up to him and says "Can you really talk?" The dog lifts up his head and looks at the guy. "Of course I can talk." The guy is absolutely flabbergasted. He can't think of anything to say. Finally, he just wants to hear talk some more, so he asks the dog to tell him the story of the dog's life.

The dog, sits up, stretches and sighs. "Well, it all started during the war in Afghanistan. I was in the K9 corps, providing support for mission specialists engaged in secret ops. I'd always been able to understand English, I just never felt a need to talk about it. Anyway, one night during an intense firefight, I got separated from my unit, and walked into a Taliban encampment. Being a dog, of course, they ignored my presence. I soon realized that I could understand the Pashto language as well. So I listened to their plans and then made my way across enemy lines, dodging a few rounds along the way until I reached my unit. Unfortunately, my handler had been hit and there wasn't anyone alive to call it in. So I got on the radio, called in the medivac and relayed the plans I had heard from the Taliban. They were able to medivac my handler back to safety, but realizing that I was a talking dog, they had me run covert ops for a couple of years until too many people knew my identity. Then, they retired me with a silver star and full military honors, and now here I am, enjoying my retirement."

The guy had listened to the dog's story with his mouth hanging open, simply astonished by the exploits he was hearing. "Give me just a sec", he says to the dog and bolts back around the house to where the old man is still rocking on the porch. The old man looks up and asks the guy, "Heard enough to want to take him?" "Hell yes!" answered the guy, "just one question. This dog could be worth millions. Why are you just giving him away for free?" The old man glances around to make sure no one is listening then leans over to the guy. "Because he's a big fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
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Old 08-30-2019, 11:18 AM   #597
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Old 08-30-2019, 11:19 AM   #598
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Old 08-30-2019, 11:20 AM   #599
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Old 08-30-2019, 12:04 PM   #600
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