Originally Posted by
Ember Simmers 
In defense to all the GFE escorts out there...
"GFE" is in reference to the ACTIVITIES provided during the service which would be similar to that of a girl friend. And during the session, she should have some level of affectionate-ness (new word) towards you to make you feel extra comfortable with her...
There clearly is a division of opinion here among both hobbyists and providers concerning what constitutes GFE. There is the literalist camp, articulated by Ember Simms, that views GFE in prescriptive terms, simply as a menu of specific activities provided. Then there is the emotivist camp, articulated here, it seems, almost exclusively by some hobbyists seeking something else (UGFE?), that consider GFE in terms of the emotional response evoked in the session, that may carry forward between sessions, in all sorts of affectionate activities like text messages, designed to make the client feel "special."
To me, the art of being a courtesan involves an exquisite degree of atunement to the hobbyist's needs, but obviously this is occurring within the context of mutually agreed boundaries. The art of the courtesan is, to borrow Judith Butler's phrase, performative. The provider seeks to create the simulacrum of the GF imago without actually being a GF. Of course, some hobbyists seem to be confused on this point, and end up enmeshed in all sorts of fantasies about relationships with providers that can lead to much craziness. The craziness comes out when the need to be in control in a relationship takes a pathological turn, and the hobbyist's boundary confusions transform a transaction based on desire into a perceived obligation based on demand. This can result in some serious shit indeed, as is evidenced in the "look out for" threads that pop up here from time to time about crazy hobbyists trying to insert themselves in totally inappropriate ways into providers' personal lives. .
The challenge for all of us is that sexual activity triggers hormones linked to attachment--this is just part of our evolutionary heritage, and it causes all sorts of joy and pain. This is going to be part of the joys and disappointments of GFE seekers until someone invents a drug to treat erectile dysfunction that is compounded with an oxytocin receptor antagonist (Pharma friends, take note--pass this idea up to your R & D department!).
Until then, GFE seekers are going to need to understand the impossibility of fulfilling their fantasy. The GFE fantasy is driven by lack (in French, manque). Lacan taught that "the lack is the lack of
being properly speaking,
it is not the lack of this or that, but the lack of being whereby the being exists" (Seminar "The Ego in Freud's Theory.," emphasis mine).
It is that lack, of course, that drives all of us, to some degree or other, and drives the hobby. Self awareness can help us treat others with respect, but it can never fulfill the "lack." Hence Lacan's most famous aphorism: "There is no such thing as a sexual relationship"
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