Have Clients Spoilt Your Relationships With Other Men?

[Babylee]

I agree. It's tough holding a relationship and being in this biz. When my current boyfriend and I met 6 yrs ago, I was in this line of work, off and on. When I started dating him I slacked off from working for awhile. I'm the type of lady that loves to be spoiled rotten, but likes to have her own money and would rather not depend on someone to pay my way. Hate having to ask someone for money..drives me nuts. ... Which is why shortly after my vacation from the biz, I started back gradually not to shock his system. At first he seemed to welcome it, understand it, and even help me out. Hell, he even cleaned up the room to get ready for the client and kissed me goodbye. Slowly, he began to complain that I showed the clients more attention than I would him. He would tell me that I would do anything for my client, anything they asked me to, but I wouldn't do it for him. That is totally false. I would do just about anything for my guy,..there always are some sort of limits....but with a client there has to be boundries that cannot be crossed and are usually agreed upon during the screening process. For example..My guy marked a spot on my neck, kissed it, and said this spot belonged to him. He would come up from behind and kiss me there all the time...it meant something to me...but then he read a review about a client kissing me on the neck, didnt matter if it was his spot or not. It broke his heart , and will not kiss my neck or really kiss me at all. This is what confuses me the most. How do you ladies that make it work in a relationship and make your man feel special. Is everything you give ur man what u give to ur clients also? Do you give it just in a different way but the same. What do you save especially for him. He has asked me these questions, and as simple as it is to write...it is hard for me to answer. I guess I just think he is supposed to know or recognize how i feel and what i save for him. There are certain sexual instances that I don't share with my client that I do with him, but he says..."wow I get this and this ...oh boy". He says that I get all dressed up for the clients but not for him. I do get dressed up for him at times...but damn..when do i get to just chill? hmmm...ok I'm going to shut it off here. Thanks for this thread and letting me vent.

[*GoddessDallas*]

Babylee,
Think how you would feel if he had women crawling all over him and having sex with them and you showed up later.
It is a real slippery slope here.

Some men can deal with it...some can't.

You have to understand his daunting position.

I had the same situation but without the intercourse,

[Babylee]

I completely understand that. There is no way I could deal with any of it the way he has. I'm much too jealous of a person with him. Now, with my ex hubby..I was down with whatever. We were swingers at one point. And please don't take what I said as griping. I'm desperate to find a happy medium if there is in fact one out there. I was actually reaching out to find someone with experience, but made it thru. Lord knows this life is tough sometimes for all involved. Where is the stopping point. We all know what kind of money this profession can bring if done right. If you provide the sole income, but you know this lifestyle hurts ur mate, but u need the money....where does it stop? What do you do. I mean I can't expect him to be all grins and giggles when the session is over. I can't expect him to give me a hug and say, glad ur home, or honey how was ur day. What I expect him to do is say, well honey, u missed a spot of clean up, or dang u r walkin a little funny,..he got ya good huh...or was it as big as the last guys?...I understand that he feels like he is competition on a constant basis, I just don't know what to do other than reassure him that there is no competition.

[Poet Laureate]

Someday, I do hope to meet my soul mate. But I'm not looking. [/B][/QUOTE]

Honey, in my experience that is exactly when we find them.

[Zabrina Sarafina]

Originally Posted by Poet Laureate

Someday, I do hope to meet my soul mate. But I'm not looking. [/B]

Honey, in my experience that is exactly when we find them.[/QUOTE]

Indeed

[Poet Laureate]

I mean I can't expect him to be all grins and giggles when the session is over. I can't expect him to give me a hug and say, glad ur home, or honey how was ur day. What I expect him to do is say, well honey, u missed a spot of clean up, or dang u r walkin a little funny,..he got ya good huh...or was it as big as the last guys?...I understand that he feels like he is competition on a constant basis, I just don't know what to do other than reassure him that there is no competition.[/QUOTE]

Speaking as a veteran of two marriages that lasted a total of over thirty years, here's what you can do to reassure him there is no competition:
1. Keep something special just for him; whether its bareback full service, CIM, or whatever, make sure he knows that this one act, or these two or whatever, are special for him and him alone.
2. Always bear in mind that men are competitive. Combat it with wiles, girl. His cock was bigger? Yeah, honey, but yours is thicker. And he was straight, not curved like you. He couldn't hit my spot like you can, lover.
3. Also always keep in mind that he's fighting a raging inner battle every time you go to work. Since we were children most of us have been raised on the idea that sex is for that special someone. How is he supposed to feel special when you have a dozen special someones in a week? I'll tell you how: See #1.
4. Don't expect him to joke about your job. Unless he's completely off, he won't. And here's the ugly reality, true of 90% of the men in his position: deep down, he hates what you're doing. He may not admit it to you; hell, he may not have admitted it to himself, but he hates that you have relations with other men. This inner conflict with whatever agreement you made, how much he loves you, and how much you bring in is being waged against his sense of self, his desire to be proud of his spouse, and his secret fear (And it would be there for almost all men, trust me, I'm a men) that you enjoy your job just a little too much.
5. What he won't get, and what he must never be told, is that you will, or more likely have already, learn things from clients that you can use to please your husband. If you try something new, or different, deep down he'll be sure of where you learned it. But he dare not ask. So if you do want to try something new, tell him you saw it in a porno, or read it in a book, or that someone asked you but you said no, only now you're curious.
-
I'm sure not all of these will apply to your situation, but I bet some of them will, and I hope you can use whatever to your advantage. I do not envy your situation. I'm not the raging jealous type, but no way in hell could I be married to a working provider. Once she retires, well, I could do that. I think.

[Poet Laureate]

Zabrina, I didn't realize you were in Chicago! My God how I miss that city. Moved down here to Austin four years ago and never found my way back. Omigod! The top ten things I miss about Chicago, in no particular order
1) Portillo's
2) Navy Pier
3) Wrigley Field
4) Brookfield Zoo
5) Maxwell Street Polish
6) All day at the Museum Campus
7) Sidewalk vendors
8) Da Bears
9) White Castle
10) Bakers Square
Now, listing all these things, I'm getting nostalgic. Wait, let me grab a hanky...

[Zabrina Sarafina]

Originally Posted by Poet Laureate

Speaking as a veteran of two marriages that lasted a total of over thirty years, here's what you can do to reassure him there is no competition:
1. Keep something special just for him; whether its bareback full service, CIM, or whatever, make sure he knows that this one act, or these two or whatever, are special for him and him alone.
2. Always bear in mind that men are competitive. Combat it with wiles, girl. His cock was bigger? Yeah, honey, but yours is thicker. And he was straight, not curved like you. He couldn't hit my spot like you can, lover.
3. Also always keep in mind that he's fighting a raging inner battle every time you go to work. Since we were children most of us have been raised on the idea that sex is for that special someone. How is he supposed to feel special when you have a dozen special someones in a week? I'll tell you how: See #1.
4. Don't expect him to joke about your job. Unless he's completely off, he won't. And here's the ugly reality, true of 90% of the men in his position: deep down, he hates what you're doing. He may not admit it to you; hell, he may not have admitted it to himself, but he hates that you have relations with other men. This inner conflict with whatever agreement you made, how much he loves you, and how much you bring in is being waged against his sense of self, his desire to be proud of his spouse, and his secret fear (And it would be there for almost all men, trust me, I'm a men) that you enjoy your job just a little too much.
5. What he won't get, and what he must never be told, is that you will, or more likely have already, learn things from clients that you can use to please your husband. If you try something new, or different, deep down he'll be sure of where you learned it. But he dare not ask. So if you do want to try something new, tell him you saw it in a porno, or read it in a book, or that someone asked you but you said no, only now you're curious.
-
I'm sure not all of these will apply to your situation, but I bet some of them will, and I hope you can use whatever to your advantage. I do not envy your situation. I'm not the raging jealous type, but no way in hell could I be married to a working provider. Once she retires, well, I could do that. I think.

And how about jealous possessive hobbyists??

Originally Posted by Poet Laureate

Zabrina, I didn't realize you were in Chicago! My God how I miss that city. Moved down here to Austin four years ago and never found my way back. Omigod! The top ten things I miss about Chicago, in no particular order
1) Portillo's
2) Navy Pier
3) Wrigley Field
4) Brookfield Zoo
5) Maxwell Street Polish
6) All day at the Museum Campus
7) Sidewalk vendors
8) Da Bears
9) White Castle
10) Bakers Square
Now, listing all these things, I'm getting nostalgic. Wait, let me grab a hanky...

You're such a tourist

[brandilynn]

Yes, you prefer secuity, and are aware of it.

[bladtinzu]

Originally Posted by *GoddessDallas*

Babylee,
Think how you would feel if he had women crawling all over him and having sex with them and you showed up later.
It is a real slippery slope here.

Some men can deal with it...some can't.

You have to understand his daunting position.

I had the same situation but without the intercourse,

Me being one to not get attached to anyone this has never been an issue with me. People after all are just disposable.

Like some guys refuse to see a woman who see's black guys. Me I treat it like a business which after all it is. I could give two shits about who she does or doesn't see as long as she fits the bill for me at the time.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by bladtinzu

Me being one to not get attached to anyone this has never been an issue with me. People after all are just disposable.

I could give two shits about who she does or doesn't see as long as she fits the bill for me at the time.

I have to agree. And I do believe relationships are not comparable. I think the disposability part is correct, although I tend to think of it in different terms.

[Valerie]

I have never really found myself comparing my personal relationships with client relationships, so no, to answer the OP's question. I consider myself lucky to have a functional relationship in this industry!

[diordandridge]

noooooooo

[ShawnaPatterson31]

I can not have a relationship...I am not capable, not programmed this way. This lifestyle fills many voids for me..one being of course the parts of a relationship i do enjoy...friendships without ownership like behaviors. Great sex...Pillow talk (my personal fav), those early initial getting to know eachother feelings...ahhhhe can't replace those great times. Then in relationships come the, whining, where u ats, everything else that makes me want to shoot myself in the head. I'm great at talking about feelings and life and all its chaleenges with clients but get me in a relationship after awhile there is only so much "feelings talking" I can handle. Sometimes I find myself thinking "am I seriously missing grey's anatomy for this" So...yes this has altered my relationship expectations...I'm spoilt...great men, great hands, mouths,,great conversationalists, and compensation and then when we are both done we both get to live out the rest of our week leaving eachother the hell alone.........that's my dream relationship, right there!

[desufnoc]

I am right there with ya Anti.I too was always the "nice guy" getting shit on all the time.I have been tired of it.Yes,I would like to find someone,but its really tough.Yes,hobbying has affected nearly everything about dating.Some good,some maybe notso good.I am one who tries to treat all people how I would like to be treatede,be they provider or "civy" girl.