Fallen in love.

[Guest120615-3]

MistaE- I would recommend just taking a step back and BREATHE. Sounds as if you are wrapped in so many different emotions, your abilities to determine what are true and honest feelings may be diminished. Not to diminish your feelings, but the term "Love" is usually reserved between two people have experienced something more than just your present situation. However the complete context of your relationship is unknown to me.

Sounds like you have experienced something very special though, so calmly take advantage of the opportunities to know her better. Learn from the experience and grow within at least. Hopefully something develops but be patient and cautious. Just remember to remain respectful of her life and profession. It can be quite dangerous for providers physically and emotionally to develop feelings for their clients. She may also care for you deeply but that may never translate into "love" on her part. Appreciate the relationship and be prepared to understand that. Good Luck!

[johnguy]

First off, let me say I understand how difficult this is...I have first hand experience and know how challenging it can be, particularly at first. So I wish you strength and good luck.

LOVE
Love is a beautiful thing and when it works it is life changing. In my opinion, when you meet someone who positively affects ALL of your senses (not just your little head) then it is worth a potentially rocky ride in order to reap the rewards. This is true with a provider just like it is with someone you meet who lives 50 miles from you, or someone whose schedule doesnt currently work well with yours, or who currently has challenges in her life. In all cases, the prospect of true love is worth every challenge to get there. The best things in life are worth working for and when you get them, they are that much more amazing because of how challenging it was to arrive at the desired destination.

The ladies in this business are just that...ladies, with emotions and love to give. They deserve our willingness to think of them as such, not just as a pleasant answer to our sexual tension problems. They all have their stories as to why they are in the business, and many have different perspectives on what would cause them to leave the business. I believe that for some, finding true love would be one such reason. Ask yourself this question...if you had a job at a company that paid amazingly, but that perhaps wasnt all roses as far as what you had to do in order to keep the pay check coming...wouldnt you consider taking another job that paid less in order to be with the one that makes you happy? I would...love and happiness is priceless.

Granted there are probably many women in this business who for one reason or another find it difficult to imagine any guy ever being worth leaving the business, especially a hobbyist....but equally I imagine there are some who would do it for the RIGHT one. The issue is that statistically speaking, it is much more likely that they wont. And it will likely take some time for both of you to know what you really want.

BUT IS IT (OR COULD IT BE) LOVE...MUTUAL LOVE
This is a challenging question. Few of us put the cart before the horse in our non-hobbying dating realtionships...and enjoy sexual ecstasy together before going through at least some of the normal steps of courting. So, with a provider we enjoy sexual fulfillment before we enjoy other forms of emotional fulfillment. It is easy to confuse our feelings when we click sexually with a provider. However, I know from experience that love can develop. The question for you on this needs to be, what do you normally need to see, feel, and experience with a woman before you feel love. Have you been able to investigate these with this provider? If not, you need to create the opportunity to do so. This means, you need to "date" her, not just have sessions with her. If she is not willing to have a date with you, she obviously does not share your feelings or is unwilling to go there. Go on a date (without sex). Go on several. Do you still feel the same...do you now feel even better? Does she? Find out the answers to both questions!!

THE ROCKY ROAD
There are many reasons why the ODDS are against you on this kind of relationship. Without going through them all, suffice it to say there are MANY. So before spending even another minute on this, ask your self this...are you the kind of guy who is willing to deal with multiple challenges in a relationship in order to reap the rewards it could ultimately provide? Do you have the capacity, willingness, and patience for this. If not or you are unsure...be very careful!!


Some of the possible issues on your rocky road are below...but there are more

1. Possible jealousy...you of her other clients until she one days decides to quit (or forever if she does not)
2. Possible jealousy she might have that you see or have seen other providers
3. Possible jealousy you may have for a long time when you think about all the guys she has been with
4. That nagging question in the back of your mind (if she one day retires)...does she miss anything she used to get in the bedroom given she shared it with so many partners...are you going to be enough (yes we are all perfect studs in the bedroom and dont ever need to worry about this one!!!) lol
5. Loss of income if she retires...now where will it come from
6. Your concern that one day when you are together you have financial difficulty and she chooses to return to the business to resolve the issue...most likely you will not like this..even the suggestion of it.
7. What will you do the day you are in a store together and one of her clients or past clients recognizes her...will you handle it well
8. Possible resentment she may feel towards you if she gives up her lucrative job for you and you cannot alone or together "replace" that souce of income
9. Possible resentment you might feel towards her if you convince her you can help her replace this source of income if she quits, and you start to realize you are giving her a boat load of money (hey its your fault if you agree to)
10. Possible trust issues you may have with each other that maybe she is secretly still seeing some or all clients after she "quits"....and her with you that you are still seeing some or all of your favorite providers
11. and many more... once you become "monogamous"

THE BOTTOM LINE
Hey, i feel for you...this is tough. We all know there are some truly wonderful women in this business who deserve our adoration and respect as women. And it doesn't hurt that they are also beautiful and sexy. But remember this...you could go broke, get very frustrated, have your feelings hurt badly, or hurt hers badly. But, you could end up very happy with someone you love (it does happen). Unfortunately the odds are WAY WAY against you. So, do you feel lucky?

PM me, I am happy to share many more details, perspectives, and advice.

[armydude]

Some girls are natural at GFE. And lemme tell ya, these good GFE girls can really mess with your head. Many people here have given you some great advice. I'm really curious how she reacts when/if you ask her to spend time with you for free, or OTC. I'm also wondering the age difference? Are you in your 40's or 50's and shes in her 20's? Are you close in age? Is she an older provider who is sick of the life and ready to plant her seeds and settle down? Or is she a young lady and your going thru mid life crisis? These things may factor into the truthfullness of the situation.

Broken Dolls: I've heard the expression before, but i can't remember where. I think it is a derogatory term used to describe prostitutes who are pretty on the outside but jaded, hurt, angry and confused by the lifestyle they lead.

[MistaE]

I appreciate all the advice and shared experiences.
I've been sitting back and taking it all in, so I am monitoring this thread.
I don't want to reveal too much of the details as someone may figure out who it is I'm feeling this way.
And may take it upon themselves to "spill the beans".
Armydude, yes we are close in age.
At times I just want to go "balls to the wall" and pour my heart out to her.
But part of me thinks that's unfair to her.

[MrGiz]

I was never much interested in these types of threads until about four years ago, when "it happened" to me. * I was (and still am) much like MistaE... have been enjoying The Internet Hobby since it's inception... and P4P sexmates for much longer than that.

It Happened! * I didn't see it coming... I certainly wasn't looking for it! * I definitely would not advise anyone to attempt to find love thru the Hobby... I cannot even imagine, trying for it! * We have been living together for four years and both continue to play and work in The Hobby... she is a well known and quite successful girl, here on Eccie.

First... I would not suggest either one of you, quitting The Hobby. *That would phuck up the very thing that brought you two together in the first place! * If you both want to... fine! * But if the idea belongs to one of you, more than the other... yes, you are probably doomed to failure, down the road.

Second... for it to work, you both have to have a very "open" , 100% honest , and "non-traditional" view of the physical pleasures of sex and how it connects with your own unique emotional relationship. * Sex is sex... period! * Humans are one of few species to enjoy sex for it's own sake. * There is nothing wrong with that!

Third... there are no such "absolutes" as some here have inferred. * It is ridiculous and short-sighted to assume your experience will dictate the results of other's. *Even though we are all human... we are all quite unique creatures. *Are the odds for long term success stacked against you? * Absolutely!! * But the same can be said for ANY relationship between ANY man and ANY woman, in ANY other social setting. * Just check the stats!

One thing that always amuses me about these threads, is the ethical, moral, psychological, and judgemental discussions of the female working girl half of the couple... without much discussion of the social traits and faults of the average Male Hobby Dawg. *Are all of us horny dawgs, broken? * Maybe... but quite funny! * I doubt that most guys here believe that. * It takes both sides for this Hobby to happen... who's more socially/morally corrupt... the seller... or the buyer? * Which party is more apt to suffer failure and disappointments in their own personal relationships?*

Lots of good discussion and advise here... better than many I've seen... Good Luck, MistaE!!

If you have any questions from an on-going experienced point of view... feel free to PM...

[Doove]

Originally Posted by MistaE

I had a recent encounter with a lady

I truly feel she's "it" for me.

If your first comment is limited to what it sounds like (one P4P encounter), then i would think your second comment above is somewhat troubling. And yes, i'm aware of the number of ladies you've seen over the years. Nevertheless, my first piece of advice would be:

SLOW DOWN. Without more information to go on, you've seen her for what? A single 1, 2, maybe 3 hour date? Where she was being paid to put on a happy face and laugh at your jokes? Hardly a situation that's conducive to your coming to the conclusion that she's your soul-mate. And that would apply even if she's thinking the same things in secret as yourself. If there's something there (and that's a big "if), it will become apparent as time goes on to where you won't need to come here and ask for advice on whether or not you should confront her about whether or not she feels the same way.

Originally Posted by MistaE

We have access to each others real world identity.
That's as far as I will go with that.

Your being so coy about that could mean a lot of things, some of them not so good....but i won't go there.

Nevertheless, her having given you even mounds of real world information on herself doesn't necessarily translate into her viewing you as a romantic possibility. In fact, i'd even go so far as to suggest that it's barely possible that she gave you whatever info she gave you specifically because she felt safe with you - that your history might suggest to her that you're clearly NOT the type to get carried away over meeting and having a good time with a provider. So suggesting a comfort level shouldn't be interpreted to suggest a romantic interest.

So again, if nothing else, just slow down. You'll be doing both of you a favor if you just let things take whatever normal course they'll take. In due time you'll have your answer.

[LynnT]

Originally Posted by armydude

These girls are not civilians, they are pros.

Ah but you see we are not we are still just a girl with a job like any other lady. Some can do this job and some cant, just like being a hair dresser, some cant and some are fab!

Many of us do this on the side not a life long career. We want the same love, respect, and honesty as the rest of the world. Not saying a lady that does this as a career doesnt want the same.

OP lay the cards on the table, if she wants to try go for it. Or just see where it goes naturally on visits. If not you have to cut it off for your own sanity and move on. Even know it will hurt, you dont want her to hate you..

If it were me and you laid the cards and it wasnt mutual I would cut you off for your own good. I would not use the feelings to keep getting money. Id want you to get over me, out of sight out of mind so to speak.

[Pink Floyd]

Originally Posted by LynnT

Ah but you see we are not we are still just a girl with a job like any other lady. Some can do this job and some cant, just like being a hair dresser, some cant and some are fab!

Many of us do this on the side not a life long career. We want the same love, respect, and honesty as the rest of the world. Not saying a lady that does this as a career doesnt want the same.

OP lay the cards on the table, if she wants to try go for it. Or just see where it goes naturally on visits. If not you have to cut it off for your own sanity and move on. Even know it will hurt, you dont want her to hate you..

If it were me and you laid the cards and it wasnt mutual I would cut you off for your own good. I would not use the feelings to keep getting money. Id want you to get over me, out of sight out of mind so to speak.

Don't you think "Laying his cards on the table" would be suicide. How would any girl react if somebody did that after just meeting them? I have met 3 girls that I get along great and could fly solo with, but I look for signs that I have not seen. I don't think those signs exist for the OP either.

[Sensia]

Originally Posted by Doove

Quote:
Originally Posted by MistaE
We have access to each others real world identity.
That's as far as I will go with that.
-----------------------

Your being so coy about that could mean a lot of things, some of them not so good....but i won't go there.

Nevertheless, her having given you even mounds of real world information on herself doesn't necessarily translate into her viewing you as a romantic possibility. In fact, i'd even go so far as to suggest that it's barely possible that she gave you whatever info she gave you specifically because she felt safe with you - that your history might suggest to her that you're clearly NOT the type to get carried away over meeting and having a good time with a provider. So suggesting a comfort level shouldn't be interpreted to suggest a romantic interest.

So again, if nothing else, just slow down. You'll be doing both of you a favor if you just let things take whatever normal course they'll take. In due time you'll have your answer.

Bingo, and if she is willing to be close friends with you, but not on a romantic level can you handle that? If not, you two need to part ways or it will get ugly real quick. Many providers feel isolated in this world of ours, and sometimes its refreshing to have someone who seems genuinely interested in them friendship wise. They might divulge much of their personal life with you but that doesn't mean she is ready or willing to dive into a romantic relationship with you. Providers are human beings with real human needs just like everybody else. Just ask her flat out, and if she says no to the intimacy part, then either except that or move on.

[lilred_robin]

Originally Posted by LynnT

If it were me and you laid the cards and it wasnt mutual I would cut you off for your own good. I would not use the feelings to keep getting money. Id want you to get over me, out of sight out of mind so to speak.

Yep!
I've had to stop seeing someone when his feelings were making it hard for him to keep things at a p4p level.
I've also stopped seeing someone when my feelings were way more than what they should have been.
I really do throw myself into my dates, and I do sometimes get swept up in the moment as well, most of the time the feelings are fleeting and I come to my senses quickly ^_^

[MistaE]

That's the way I feel Lynn.
I just want to lay it all out. If she doesn't feel the same we part ways.
She may want to at first and change her mind later, or not.
Just getting it off my chest, taking the risk is the course of action I see.
I'm not so blind to see if she were to try to use this to her advantage against me.
And I've already received advice on that score anyways.
I'm going to be upfront and clear and honest as much as I can be.
If she doesn't reciprocate I'll recover.
But I will never be able to live with myself if I never took the opportunity.

[Doove]

Originally Posted by Guilty Pleasures

Many providers feel isolated in this world of ours, and sometimes its refreshing to have someone who seems genuinely interested in them friendship wise.

Couldn't agree more. In fact, i even typed up something nearly identical to that but back-spaced out of it before posting my comment. I would imagine it's probably a nice thing to be able to be yourself, your complete self with someone. Someone with whom you don't need to hide your provider side from nor do you need to hide your personal side from.

[LynnT]

Originally Posted by FlectiNonFrangi

Don't you think "Laying his cards on the table" would be suicide. How would any girl react if somebody did that after just meeting them? I have met 3 girls that I get along great and could fly solo with, but I look for signs that I have not seen. I don't think those signs exist for the OP either.

Sometimes you just need a little faith and Im just honest. You cant help you you fall for sometimes. One will never know unless you try. Some have love at first sight..

Key is dont be a weirdo about it. Be a gentleman. I personally would not flip if a guy said this, I would do what was best for both, cut it off. We are only human. I like honest and direct people. I dont like people that tip toe on egg shells and hide everything, beat around the bush, etc. Nothing great happens in life sitting on the side lines and hiding.

Also what Doove and guilty said. so much easier to be yourself sometimes and know its genuine..

[Sensia]

Originally Posted by Doove

Couldn't agree more. In fact, i even typed up something nearly identical to that but back-spaced out of it before posting my comment. I would imagine it's probably a nice thing to be able to be yourself, your complete self with someone. Someone with whom you don't need to hide your provider side from nor do you need to hide your personal side from.

The sad thing is the lines get blurred so quickly for a guy whose feelings for an escort are wanting more than just the friendship part. It puts the lady in a bad spot especially if she truly does like this person and cares about them. Should she draw the line between the escort activity and the friendship then she gets pegged with trying to use the gentleman, and wanting to get something out of him just because she is not willing to be more than a close friend / confidant. Or he gets pegged with trying to get "freebies" from her and using her. All around feelings get hurt and well it is a no win situation. As you can see it is a lonely road for most escorts. That is why so many refuse to even attempt a real friendship route with any man whom they have met through their work. There are very few exceptions where men with deep feelings for an escort can still respect her boundaries and walk the fine line of client/friend. Most simply cannot do it as it is a blow to their ego, and feelings get hurt.

[MrGiz]

Originally Posted by Doove

.... I would imagine it's probably a nice thing to be able to be yourself, your complete self with someone. Someone with whom you don't need to hide your provider side from nor do you need to hide your personal side from.

The flip (male hobbyist) side is quite nice as well. *I have phucked up past relationships with lies and secrecy... I don't want to fail that way again.* The complete open honesty is really very refreshing... so much easier than trying to line up and remember the lies! * I realize that sexually open relationships aren't for everyone... but for those of us who enjoy this hobby, I highly recommend considering it if the possibility ever comes your way.