Cheating, or not?

[hookem69horns]

I had hoped this would open up some intelligent conversation, from some open-minded people but it appears some of the regular losers are out, acting like idiots ... I should have expected nothing less from them.

[grnhrn]

It's pretty simple, if you are hobbying and your SO doesn't know and would not condone it, it's cheating. I'm sure most if not all of us have very good justifications, including myself, but its still cheating. If all the cheaters suddenly left the hobby, most if not all of the ladies would be out of business. But really, who gives a fuck..

[mansfield]

I just had a conversation with a buddy last night, who is in a sexless marriage, and os thinking about getting in to the Hobby.

And here is where it gets complicated, and why I said above that it's cheating but in my mind sometimes that is justified, or at least understandable.

Because, his SO cheated on him first. And no, 2 wrongs don't make a right, but denying him sex for whatever reason, unless she's too sick to do it, is just as bad as him taking up this hobby. It's quite possible that it's even worse because it drives him to do things he wouldn't normally do.

I was driven to this for the same reason but now I have no interest in stopping it even if things were to change at home because I enjoy it. Sorry Charlie, shouldn't have made me take the first bite of that fruit, now I want the whole Pineapple. Can't unring a bell and all that.

There is my Saturday morning philosophizing. Damn I wish it wasn't so hot, I need to go play golf.

[Iaintliein]

Originally Posted by hookem69horns

I understand guys ... I just had a conversation with a buddy last night, who is in a sexless marriage, and os thinking about getting in to the Hobby. I told him the same things everyone has said, including asking him he'd feel if his wife was bonking some strangers, but in the end he questioned if just having sex was considered cheating ... I said yes, but he is entitled to his own opinion.

Geez ... some people on here are so dramatic.

While other people offer completely different context for a post and accuse others of being "losers", "dramatic", "idiots" for not guessing what that context was (love the way you dropped in the ad homonym attacks by the way, very conducive to "intelligent" coversation. You got responses to what you posted, which was YOUR opinion about how many "cheaters" there are here.

Look, "cheating" takes many forms, if your friend is in a sexless marriage, I'd say it's his wife who's "cheating" him. Unfortunately the law wouldn't see it that way in a divorce court. Your friend can either go out and get some or stay home and do without, it really is that simple, and labeling him for his choice serves no purpose whatsoever.

In reality, it's semantics, the people who are "cheated" most are the ones who live in miserable monogamy because they don't want to loose half or more of their positions, because society pushes a bullshit system onto people who make the mistake of believing it when they're young and dumb.

[Sweet N Little]

IMO ..
Cheating, otherwise known as adultery, is defined formally as, voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse. There is only one definition and it is clearly worded.

When you're married, there are no rules but the ones you decide to implement. A couple, together must define the limitations within their union. When you both have different definitions of these words, it tends to make problems.

[TinMan]

Yes, it's cheating. And if it weren't for all the married men, there would be so little money in this business you wouldn't have nearly as many women to choose from as you do.

So get on your knees and thank the good Lord for horny married men.

[berkleigh]

I use to tell my boyfriend if i used a condom, it wasn't cheating.

Lol

If another person is considering it and has doubts, its probably wrong.

I've never been faithful.
Not to say I can't be but I like Variety
Until i meet the one to make me settle down, Im set in my ways.
But being in this business has made me realize that monogamy does not exist.

[Boltfan]

Originally Posted by hookem69horns

I had hoped this would open up some intelligent conversation, from some open-minded people but it appears some of the regular losers are out, acting like idiots ... I should have expected nothing less from them.

Some have put it possibly better than me but perhaps you should re-read your own replies and your original question. Not much to the philisophy discussion and attacking others as idiots when you say 99% of the men here cheat is pretty senseless. I am in the 1% but most men don't need reminding what they are doing. They know full well.

[pyramider]

Well put . . . But bolt's original reply was spot on.

[LazurusLong]

Your original post was simple.

Is being BCD with another person other than your wife cheating?

Hell yes.

Your second part of that question was being answered in various ways but instead of reading them for the truth you choose to call names.

Where do you draw the line?

ANYTHING other than 100% commitment of time and energy to your spouse is considered cheating to many women.

Watching a webcam model masturbate? Cheating
Cybersex with another person? Cheating.
Sexting another person other than your wife? Cheating.
Handle on a hooker board devoted to paying for it? Cheating
Holding hands with another woman? Cheating
Getting a blowjop? Cheating.
DATY on someone not your wife? Cheating
Fucking anyone other than your wife? Cheating.

There is not one single thing a man can do that to some women, especially those who have TV talk shows or radio shows that would not be considered cheating and odds are you know it but are looking for a free pass to soothe your feelings that if you're married, someone else will tell you you're not.

That was the point of my simple reply above and I'm certain ALL of the other one liners.

The married guys have already accepted that and harbor no illusions about WHAT they are doing.

Feel free to harbor your own illusions. At least until she catches you.

[pmdelites]

Originally Posted by Bloodhound

I wonder if our ex prez still thinks a blowjob is not having sex?

that's not the question he answered w/ his infamous "i did not have sexual relations with that woman."

i read afterwards that he meant sexual relations = fucking.
since he only had bjs and inserted that contraband cubano cigar into her pussy, he believed he didnt have "sexual relations".


back to hookem69horns' question -
if things would blow up in his face should his SO [married or not] find out about it, it's cheating.

some SOs are OK w/ the guy screwing around.
some SOs are OK w/ the guy screwing around and they would love to join them.
some SOs might not be OK w/ the guy screwing around if he's paying for it.


and back to the MANNER in which you posed your questions...
and esp this response...
Geez ... some people on here are so dramatic.

including you, in my opinion.

if you had posted the context / backstory of your question, you might have gotten more serious answers [wait, this is eccie. nothing's serious here].

seriously!!
ask a context-less question and it leaves lots of interpretation and a wide field of answers.
ask a context-based question and you can scope down the possible field of answers. and have the ability to tell responders to buzz off w/ the wise cracks.


be careful what you ask for.
for you just might get it!!!!!

[hookem69horns]

I completely agree with what many of you have said, and certainly in retrospect believe more context would have more clearly defined my query, and very likely avoided much of the rhetoric that brought no value to the thread (including my own).

[TinMan]

"Why?" is such an open question, I'm going to assume you really mean "How do you live with yourself?" At least that appears to be the context of your question, since the first should be obvious unless you really don't understand the difficulties of long-term commitment.

I consider statements such as "I live in a sexless marriage", etc., to be rationalizations, not justifications. There are healthier ways to deal with those problems, but they also happen to be harder and not the immediate gratification that comes with the hobby.

Personally, I don't make excuses for what I do, and I don't expect anyone else to, either. Every one of us has to accept that we are doing something wrong, and you either find a way to deal with that fact or you get out.

This is true even if you are a single man. Remember that it takes two to tango, and if you see very many women eventually you are going to have sex with a woman who is either married, pimped, or supporting a habit. In any case, your money and your actions are contributing to the problem. The fact that you don't know if she is married, pimped, etc., doesn't excuse you; you know it will happen at some point, so you are just as much at fault.

I have come to the point in my life that I realize it is disingenuous to justify my actions. It is what it is, and the best I can do is carry out my hobby activities in as respectful a manner as possible.

[Fort Worth Punk]

Heck, I'll weigh in.

Yes, even in the case you described, it is "cheating". I don't say that as a moral judgment but a statement of fact as to whether or not it fits the definition. It's up to the individual to decide if it is justified. That said, if either spouse isn't giving their partner the physical affection they need they're breaking their vows as well. I had a marriage like that myself, and it is why I started hobbying. Looking back I should have handled it differently.

The gentleman has a choice to make. I would argue that, for most, the hobby is a better alternative to an affair, since an affair will likely involve emotional infidelity as well, and is also more likely to blow up in his face. But that doesn't mean it is automatically OK. And there are other options.

It sounds to me like there are some serious issues in the marriage that they aren't addressing. Hobbying won't make those issues go away, and he needs to really think about the potential emotional stress that hobbying can have on him. A lot of guys feel serious guilt, and that guilt can make things much worse.

If he's serious about staying in the marriage I personally think he needs to try to address the marriage issues first. But, I am biased. I am a single guy whose been through 2 marriages and came out deciding that, for me, hobbying and marriage are incompatible. Then again, I am rapidly reaching the conclusion I don't want to remarry at all.

[pmdelites]

Originally Posted by hookem69horns

I completely agree with what many of you have said, and certainly in retrospect believe more context would have more clearly defined my query, and very likely avoided much of the rhetoric that brought no value to the thread (including my own).

thx for your update. we can all learn from what we do, me included.