When you and a client *really* disagree

[Guest042611]

So, my, um, friend, has this client. And they share many common interests, have strong chemistry, and generally enjoy one another's company immensely.

However, the client has very strong political views with which my friend disagrees. She is friends with many people who have differing viewpoints on politics, religion, you name it—and can always find value in respectful conversation with people who disagree with her. She feels she wouldn't learn much if she constantly surrounded yourself with people who felt exactly like she does about every single issue, and welcomes intellectual conflict when it's respectful.

However, her client has made comments that my friend finds offensive and racist. She would prefer to avoid those conversations and stick to topics on which, while they may not agree, they can have productive conversations. She expressed, politely, to her client, her discomfort with certain comments he has made. Offended, her client has since continued to push the issues and encourages her to respond to statements he knows she will find objectionable.

What's a girl to do?

On the one hand, a client is paying for a fantasy, not just a sexual fantasy, but the fantasy of a perfect companion who will cater to his every emotional and intellectual need. But this couple in particular has, in many ways, broken the client/companion boundaries. She is no longer paid hourly, but they have a mutual agreement to care for one another's needs in a less formal arrangement. When should you be yourself, and when should you play the role of fantasy? Is it acceptable to request certain topics of conversation be avoided? In many cases, two people can have a productive, respectful discussion, never agree, but understand and appreciate one another's views. There are also cases, though, when one person is so put off by another's comments and perspective, that it seems better to avoid certain discussions all together in order to preserve the positive aspects of a relationship.

What do you all think?

[London Rayne]

This just further proves my point about guys not really wanting gfe...most times they simply want you to agree and tell them they are right about everything even when they are clueless. That is NOT gfe! If he can't respect your opinions, what does that say about the respect he has for you overall...as a person, not just an escort? How can he expect you to get all romantic if what he says before you close the door has you questioning why you even bother?

You can simply roll your eyes and say "no comment," or you can tell him you would prefer not to see him again if he can't see what he says is having a negative impact on you.

I don't spend large amounts of time with people that I don't find agreeable or at the very least, respectful of my convictions. Those guys can buy a PSE and I will just shut up lmao. If this guy is not your sole income and it is seriously affecting your thought life while you are with him or after he leaves heaven forbid, it does not seem worth it.

No doubt some women have a skill where they can put up with anything, and they are paid a lot of money for it. They can transform into some other person just to make this role all the more real...well how real is pretending to agree with something you really find obnoxious?

I don't get all that involved with my encounters so this is a no brainer for me. Unless he was paying me like 10k a month and I only had to see him once a week, no way I would continue to see a guy who annoyed the hell out of me, but I am not you. You should search your heart and do what you feel is best for you on the grand scale...not just during the encounter. If there is a way to get him to stop bringing such topics up, that would be my first choice. After that, I really would not continue this arrangement.

If all else fails, just go down on him every time he brings it up lol. That should shut him up!

[FLWrite]

Originally Posted by Natalie

... her client has made comments that my friend finds offensive and racist. She would prefer to avoid those conversations and stick to topics on which, while they may not agree, they can have productive conversations. She expressed, politely, to her client, her discomfort with certain comments he has made. Offended, her client has since continued to push the issues and encourages her to respond to statements he knows she will find objectionable.

What's a girl to do?

...

Generally, you might find it best to ignore the first offense, acknowledge the second, admonish the third, and disappear on the fourth. Sounds like you've done the first two quite well. Now, for the third. How should you admonish this gentleman who should know better.

Were it me, God forbid, I'd prefer you hit me between the eyes with a stick and say, "what's wrong with you?" But for most gents, a gentle reminder that, "you know how much I enjoy being with you but as I've said before, this topic makes me extremely uncomfortable. Could we agree to not include it in our delightful times together? It's a mood breaker and a deal-breaker for me." If he doesn't get it by then, move on to number 4--disappear and never look back. You've already been more patient than most.

Nice post.

All the best to you.

[Chica Chaser]

Same as anywhere, never talk religion or politics. Just ignore it and keep looking at the

[Naomi4u]

Edit:

A hobbyist once told me "The best providers could be award-winning actresses" and he was right...was he? The last thing I want to do is get into an argument with my client while on a date. He is paying me for a service...I'm not trying to kill his hardon lol. My regulars and I get into debates all the time. I disagree with them and they still continue to see me. Does it make me upset? No. Why should it? As long as I am able to voice my opinion I don't have a problem with it. I'm just not going to sit there, look pretty and stare blankly. Guys love hot chicks with brains.

I personally wouldn't say "no comment" because I have a big mouth lol. i would say something along the lines of "Well we're all entitled to our own opinion", smile, chuckle a bit and change the subject. This way he knows that it bothers you. If he brings it up again just tell him that you don't want to talk about that that it puts you in a bad mood.

Unfortunately I'm not that great of an actress. One can only take so much. I'm all for preserving your sanity and not having to do anything and everything for the dollar. I KNOW that is the secret to happiness and success in this business. If your friend was really bothered by this client then she would stop seeing him. Why go through all that when there are other guys that will respect you/your opinions AND go above and beyond to make you happy?

~Naomi

[retone]

if the client insisted on demanding greek ( or fill in your own choice) on every appointment and your friend didn't want to provide greek, then the relationship would end.

you get my point.

happy new year

[Naomi4u]

Honey, Double the price and I'll bet that you can find a lady out there that doesn't do greek but will do it for x amount of cash. Each and every time too LOL

[MsElena]

FLWrite,

That's good advice. I would tell him the same thing. If he continues to push the conversation, you can choose to end your time with him and not see him again or continue with his behavior. I guess it depends on how much you need his money. Is it worth getting upset each time it happens?

Naomi,

I'm sure in some cases that's true. But, there are some ladies who will never offer that and I don't care how much money is involved.

[Naomi4u]

MsElana, Of course. I don't plan on trying it with a client...ever.
----
I was just saying that there are a lot of ladies out there that'll do/say
anything for the dollar. I remember when I first started I got a request from the
guy that wanted to yell the "N" word during BCD activity. He was offering a
substantial amount of money.. I declined. Talk about mind fuckery at its best.
There are too many guys out there to be worried about ONE.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

This just further proves my point about guys not really wanting gfe...most times they simply want you to agree and tell them they are right about everything even when they are clueless. That is NOT gfe! If he can't respect your opinions, what does that say about the respect he has for you overall...as a person, not just an escort? How can he expect you to get all romantic if what he says before you close the door has you questioning why you even bother?

You can simply roll your eyes and say "no comment," or you can tell him you would prefer not to see him again if he can't see what he says is having a negative impact on you.

I don't spend large amounts of time with people that I don't find agreeable or at the very least, respectful of my convictions.

I don't think that this was helpful to the OP since it didn't really address the issue.

Originally Posted by Naomi4u

Honey, Double the price and I'll bet that you can find a lady out there that doesn't do greek but will do it for x amount of cash. Each and every time too LOL

@Naomi: You didn't read the OP. They don't now have an hourly arrangement.

Natalie, this happened to me, not in the hobby, but in RL. I have a very dear female friend and we've been close friends for more than 2 decades. We always disagreed on some subjects, but that provided oil for our friendship. I moved, and we no longer saw each other frequently. She started sending me email cartoons and biting stories about "illegal immigrants" (not my preferred terminology). Finally, I emailed her to please exclude me from any further such emails. After that, we cut off contact with one another to almost nothing. I felt like I'd lost a good friend. After a year or so of this, I called her on her birthday. Then I had work near where she lived, and we reconnected while I was there. Since then, we've traded phone calls and promises to see one another if I travel near where she is.

My point is: you gotta remain true to yourself. If you run the risk of destroying the relationship, so be it. But if your relationship is stronger than your disagreements, it will survive. Like all relationships, it will have its down sides (just like mine did), but you have to believe a good relationship is based on a very strong foundation.

Hope your friend navigates her way through this successfully.

[Naomi4u]

Where in that statement did I mention an hourly arrangement?
I did read the OP's post. I guess you didn't read that she is dealing
with a "client". I also wasn't responding to the OP in that
short statement. You're ALWAYS right Charles.

[FLWrite]

Originally Posted by Naomi4u

...I remember when I first started I got a request from the
guy that wanted to yell the "N" word during BCD activity. ...

What's wrong with yelling, "Naomi, Naomi!" in the middle? I'll bet you get that alot...

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by Natalie

However, her client has made comments that my friend finds offensive and racist. She would prefer to avoid those conversations and stick to topics on which, while they may not agree, they can have productive conversations. She expressed, politely, to her client, her discomfort with certain comments he has made. Offended, her client has since continued to push the issues and encourages her to respond to statements he knows she will find objectionable.

What's a girl to do?

Originally Posted by London Rayne

You can simply roll your eyes and say "no comment," or you can tell him you would prefer not to see him again if he can't see what he says is having a negative impact on you.

I don't think London's approaches work here, because this is an ongoing relationship that has moved past the "paid date" stage.

Natalie, maybe what is going on here is that this is just this guy's "style" of argument -- i.e. making outrageous statements for effect. I've used the technique myself, but usually laced with humor. If thats the case, play back at him in the same style, but reverse politics. If necessary, you can watch Keith Obermann for pointers. (But don't watch too much -- he can cause brain damage. )

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by FLWrite

What's wrong with yelling, "Naomi, Naomi!" in the middle? I'll bet you get that alot...

You're too cute. lol

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by Naomi4u

You're ALWAYS right Charles.

A legend in his own mind.