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Old 05-29-2011, 09:24 PM   #1
badhusband
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Default Funeral

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he
noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearbycemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse
about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man
walking a pit bull dog on a leash.
Behind him were 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached
the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and
I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a
funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."
"What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The man answered,"My mother-in-law. She was trying to help
my wife when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the
two men. Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."
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Old 05-29-2011, 09:26 PM   #2
Sweet N Little
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LMAO!! Good one Bad Husband!!!!!!

one more..
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why
did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn
so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's first husband."

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Old 05-30-2011, 12:08 PM   #3
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LMAO ... both good ones !!
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Old 05-30-2011, 05:44 PM   #4
SimoneLove
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Whewwww LMAO!!!!! Too funny I knew I'd find a good laugh here. I try to get at least 3 good stomach laughs a day. One more before bed and I'm complete
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Old 05-30-2011, 06:10 PM   #5
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I liked it!!
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Old 05-30-2011, 06:11 PM   #6
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Funny one too SNL!!!!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet N Little View Post
LMAO!! Good one Bad Husband!!!!!!

one more..
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why
did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn
so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's first husband."

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Old 05-30-2011, 06:37 PM   #7
Sweet N Little
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one more lol
Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack. As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband's rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don't do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral.

The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed's behind. The mortician can't believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed.

Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man's ear, "It HURTS, doesn't it?"
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Old 05-30-2011, 07:33 PM   #8
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DAMN!! That's why my last wish will to be creamated!
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