For reasons soon to be obvious, this section was the most difficult part for me to write personally as well as technically to reach the plausible deniability required. Another problem I had was separating the inevitable distortion created from 20/20 hindsight, what I knew then from what I know now. Therefore, I hope you will understand why, if this part does not "hang" together as well as some of the others.
Moreover, to those who told me that I've put too much out there, please remember "plausible deniability."
And yes, the mini-bagel hurt.
Your kindness, encouragement, and patience has been appreciated.
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Sunday, the day we return to our homes.
When I woke up that morning, Kate was in the shower, humming. A cheerful, really happy, you light up my life kind of humming. It sounded like was my funeral dirge. My chest was tight, pulse was racing, and I felt a migraine coming on. I took some over the counter drugs for my head with a DP from the fridge ($5, FIVE - @#@#$% - DOLLARS!) and I was sitting on the balcony when Kate came out.
"Good morning darling!" (I went from "lover" to "darling" in two days - already sounding married. Inhale, hold it, exhale...) She frowns, "Honey, are you feeling okay? You look pale..." and she touches my face...
Not wanting to be crowded, my instinct was to jerk my head away, but seeing it coming I held it to a small nudge, took her hand in mine, and kissed it.
"You have just given me two of the most incredible, passion filled days of my life, and you ask why I pale. I'm sore too, can you guess where?"
Mr. Sulu: Very good recovery, don't you think?
Ohura: Yes, very well done!
Capt'n Little Sailor: (munching cheese puffs) I would have done better...
(Crew stares incredulously at their Captain)
Capt'n Little Sailor: What? I'm just say'n...
Spock: Captain, it's just not logical.
Breakfast would be coming soon so I went to take my turn in the shower, alone. Feeling good on the pain meds I reopened the cut washing my hair getting soap in it (hurt like hell), my eyes (hurt like hell), and blood all over (looked like hell). When I finally came out breakfast had arrived and Kate motioned for me to join her on the balcony. As I sat down she took my hand and I took a mini-bagel. She looked schoolgirl giddy as she pronounced,
"What a beautiful day for a new beginning, with you..."
Mini-bagels should not be swallowed whole.
She'd heard me Friday night too. Her logic was simple one proclamation of love can be excused in the heat of passion, but two - that's true love. In Kate's defense it's not as if we weren't having some of the most intimate, personal, and passionate contact two humans can experience. Sex, as we all know, is a very powerful drug. I had three choices fight (Non-starter, next); flight (Not paying for bus fare);
Capt'n Little Sailor: PANZY!
Or negotiate (any chance is better than none).
Scotty: Negotiations are best conducted with a fully charged phaser bank.
Capt'n Little Sailor: (head slap)
I once read that couples in counseling who had fond memories of their courtships were much more likely to stay together than those who didn't. (duh!) She grilled me two weeks ago, now it was her turn, and she needed to remember the good times.
"Baby, tell me about you, Harold, and the kids?"
She is mortified, "W- What on earth for?"
"Because, baby, I need to know, it's only fair."
So she told me her story, their story, and then it became a family story. Kate had to understand that what she does (what we do) amounts to much more than a hill of beans to those closest to us. When she'd go negative I'd steer her back and when she contradict herself I'd point it out. And when I felt she was being unfair, I'd call her on it.
"You're trolling for problems, aren't you Kate?"
Silence, she's confused, hurt, and starting to get very pissed.
"How dare you! How dare you do this to me... to US!" her eyes are moist, "Why are you doing this? You said you loved me."
"I do Kate, but this is important, and not just for us." I press her, "When was the last time to told Harold you love him?"
"I don't know, weeks, months ago... Does that really matter? I love you..."
Bones: Our boy is doing rather well...
Capt'n Little Sailor: If he starts with the Casablanca quotes, I'm gonna hurl...
Mr. Chekov: Pass the cheese puffs, please.
Capt'n Little Sailor: The shields are holding well Mr. Chekov.
Mr. Chekov: Thank yew Keptin.
Spock: Sniffle, snort, honk...
Bones: Spock, are you crying?
Spock: No, Doctor, that would not be logical.
"Yes it does matter, Now why haven't you?"
"It's not like he say's it to me!" she indignant and pissed.
"Kate, we've been over this, we are not talking about what he does, we're talking about what you do."
"What he does matters!" Kate's frustrated.
"But it shouldn't Kate, don't you see? Just because he makes a poor choice doesn't mean you can make a poor one and blame him. It's still your poor choice!"
She's glowering at me, her chest is heaving. Me on the other hand...
Scotty: The engines are doing surprisingly well...
Bones: No thanks to you.
"And you know what bothers me the most Kate, your willingness to use your love as a weapon by withholding it from the ones you love."
"'Weapon?' that's absurd. That was never my intention..."
"I don't care what your intentions were," I counter, "it's your choices and the results from them that matter. Embargos have been considered as acts of war for centuries, to embargo an item is to withhold it. I don't care what he did or what you think he did, the moment you chose an embargo as your response you declared war on Harold. The father of your children."
Tears of frustration well in Kate's eyes, "I don't understand, why are you beating on me this way? I want to be with you..."
"Because it's important, Kate, damn important..."
Bones: I'm impressed, he's pretty good at this.
Capt'n Little Sailor: After all that therapy we've been through he should be!
Mr. Chekov: Love, embargo, weapon... I like that!
Mr. Sulu: You would...
Mr. Chekov: Just what do you mean by THAT!
Ohura: Boys, boys! Don't make me come over there!
Scotty: Cheese-puff Mr. Spock?
Spock: Thank you Mr. Scott.
"Listen to me baby, this is not about you and me, it about us; you, me, Harold, your boys, my kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cats, dogs, friends, co-workers... Every single person and being that we care for and who care about us will be affected by what we do today."
Tears stream down her cheeks... (My abdomen spasms.)
"Friday your boys went hunting with the second most important person in their young lives. And today you want to give them a new step-Dad and my kids a new step-Mom?" I let the implications soak in...
"And what about Harold? Maybe, just maybe, he'd like the chance to fight for you. (I would!) Did it ever occur to you that he might be fat dumb and happy, bidding his time and following your lead, because he trusts that you'll work it out with him?"
She angry now, "Following my lead, why would he think that?"
Throwing my hands in the air, "Oh I don't know, Kate, it's not like you've taken the time to tell him you're not happy, so why wouldn't he?"
"You're saying this only to make me go.. back to him."
Ohura: Uh, oh. There's his cue.
Capt'n Little Sailor: Bones, bed pan please....
"I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us..."
Capt'n Little Sailor: RALLLLLPH!!!
"...we both know you still love him, and we both know you haven't given him an even shake."
Now cometh my romantic lie, "I, we need you to go back and give Harold a chance. Love him as you want to be loved. Love him as you loved me last night when you watched that documentary."
This is hard, I have to dump her not for the right reasons of my monologue, but because I'm selfish. My pain has become my friend. A friend that allows me to excuse away my taking advantage of Kate.
"I - I don't understand."
"Kate, when you watched that show it meant a lot to me. Why? Because you did it not just to please me, but
for me, to be a part
of me. When did you last do something like that
for Harold? If you do this, take care of Kate and Kate's choices, Harold will respond. If he doesn't (I betting he will), then comes the time to think about us, and I have first dibs... (not)
"You really think so?"
"He'd be a fool not to, you're the best piece of ass he'll get this century."
Capt'n Little Sailor: You - you - s-stupid... FUCKING IDIOT!!!!! I can't believe this! She a former NC- double-fucking-A CHEERLEADER you MORON! (kicks tribble) Fantasy fucks FOREVER! And he throws her back.. Spock, I need a drink!
Spock: Sir, the USS Hunterprize is a dry ship.
Capt'n Little Sailor: Oh, yes! How could I forget "Mr. 'Too Many Alcoholics In My Family' to drink"? Just who in the hell did I piss of at Starfleet to get stuck on this Bozo of a Ship? (rant - rant -rant...)
Scotty: (whispers) Spock, why is the Capt'n behaving this way? We're all
plank owners here, we all know this ship is just not built for it!
Spock: Yes, Mr. Scott, the Capt'n knows. It has been a hard adjustment for him, he misses CJ.
Scotty: (empathetically) Aye, Spock, we all do.
Spock: Yes, Mr. Scott, we all do, very much.
We quietly pack, no farewell romp, no holding hands, and start the drive home. The car is quiet but like the night before, Kate sits next to me. Once we get close to home, she moves back to the passenger seat, and when I park next to her car at her office, she doesn't wait for me to open the door but I get out anyway. She tosses her bags into her car and looks at me.
"So what about us?" she asks, already knowing the answer.
"We'll always have our date..." I bluffingly reassure her.
"Or two?"
"Yes, or two. And with breakfast." I smile.
She got in her car and drove home.
A week later the house had a contract.
And like my crew, I miss CJ too. Now even more...
****************************** ****
Epilogue to follow tonight or tomorrow.
Bribing The Realtor Part 6.2
Either way. Bravo! Please tell me there's more.
