Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener
It is a given that the OP should have been with her children. The point of my previous post is that it is not for me or anyone else to slam her for it. Look where we are here!
As the saying goes "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"
Comments regarding opinions on the situation are not necessarily slamming. Although when someone does not hear what they want.... well... thye will take it in what every way justifies their view..
I seriously doubt suddenly booking her will make one bit of difference in her family situation so in that sense yes this is a threAD.
Exactly.
I also don't see how sitting over Sunday brunch with a few fellow providers will make a difference regarding the situation either. As a few mentioned it took a lot to get to this point.
Yup
Clearly as Whispers stated she has not taken steps to set up a better environment than foster care for these kids which is why they are where they are today and I believe whatever is best for the kids is all that matters. My previous point was foster care may be the best option for them to succeed in life but that doesn't necessarily equate to losing them.
Very accurate. I've met some very good people in the system that care for other people's children. Given choices it is not as bad as some tend to think.
Rather than feel empowered by kicking her while she is down regardless of her role in it, wouldn't it be more constructive to simply offer some degree of compassion and an alternate perspective for her to find some small degree of comfort in?
If this is 100% purely a pitch/ploy for business than so be it. Still no harm done in displaying empathy and humanity whether it falls by the wayside or not.
It still builds personal character so no loss to the grantor.
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On first look there is not a lot family Protective Services will do other than determine if the current situation regarding the
kids is a danger to them When it is they yank them and provide an immediate placement that is meant to be temporary. An emergency Hearing is held and over a short period of time they look at family and friends of family to determine if there is somewhere safe for them and that includes shipping them out of state if necessary.
For whatever reason there was no place for them during that initial period which in most states is 10 up to 30 days.
If they are not returned in that time frame than their initial investigations showed there existed pretty solid suspicion of reasons to not reunify them with parents or family.
At the next hearing, they put together a long term plan with the goal of reunification for not just the
kids but the parents as well. MOST states have done away with CHILD protective services and restructured it as FAMILY protective services. Whatever concerns there are for the parents is addressed and there is usually a list of things they are going to need to accomplish over a period of time.
Hearings drag out every 3 months typically until a year when MOST states start looking to remove the children permanently from parental involvement. IF a parent has shown signs of improvement and is making progress a judge will usually extend this into a 2nd year....
If the state of Iowa is moving to sever parental rights than the parents have NOT shown progress towards fixing whatever was wrong and have NOT cooperated in the reunification plan.
Parents that lose their
kids into the "system" and the friends and family around them will say all kinds of things for sympathy but no state WANTS to take and raise their
kids. It is incredibly expensive to do so vs finding a way to reunify the families.
I can't really offer compassion to a situation at this stage knowing the system the way I do and having had so many children in my home with parents that could not or would not make the needed changes to have them back.
And come on..... There is no shortage of opportunity to make money that has been available to the OP over the many months she has been here doing what she has chosen to do.
Some of you need to stop and ask yourself where all the tax free dollars that came in has gone?
There are some extremely common reasons why parents lose their children and do not get them back and the most common is a subject matter we are not permitted to discuss here.... Even though it affects a majority of those that provide over extended periods of times.
SOMETHING has been more important for a year to the OP than being in Iowa with her
kids.
I have compassion.
But it is for the
kids in the system that are split up. Not only from their mom and dad whom no matter HOW BAD any of us might feel they are, the
kids refuse to see them as anyone other than mommy or daddy.... But they are split from each other....
Keeping them together up till now has not been a priority, reunification of the whole family was. basically they have been "parked" whereever it was convenient to park them.
At the next hearing the decision will be to count any return to family out of the question... At that point they will begin to look for a family that will take the 3 of them in together as a family unit in order to reunite the
kids. Adoption /Permancy will be the goal.
THAT is not an easy goal. MANY adoptive parents are looking for infants.... and some small children..... Taking in 3 siblings to adopt and raise as their own is a unique set.
I would not do it.
As Foster Parents it was tough because we always knew the
kids were leaving us some day. But in getting to see and know the
kids I can understand the difficulty for a set of parents to look at adopting what is already a "family" in the 3 of them.
The state will make an effort to place the
kids together for a period of time.... Probably 6 months... After that they will start looking for families that will adopt 1 or two of them.
Adoption is permanent and the end of state involvement. more easily explained as end of spending money on the kid.
Foster Care is till they are 18 years of age and the state has massive expenses in regards to their care.
IF any of the
kids have emotional difficulties or behavioral issues it becomes more difficult.
It is unfortunate but the system does develop these behavioral issues by the process. At their ages the
kids are going to fight anything that means there not being a chance to be reunited with their siblings.
A family that would take the 6yo for example might come to find that the child intentionally acts out in school and sabotages her own chance for a stable family to remain in the system with her brother and sister.
Adopting them out of the State's care will remain a goal until they are 17 but all realistic effort will stop after about a year simply due to resources and then they will be in the Foster System till they age out.
I have a lot of compassion for the
kids in these situations.
The fundraiser I do every year helps provide Christmas to many
kids in this process that might be placed with foster families or relatives. What they endure.... what I saw of the system and families and the struggles of these
kids..... led to the reasoning behind the goal that every single dollar or item collected makes it's way into the hands of a child that needed and asked for it. We by pass the system as well as the parents for a reason.
There are a lot of members of this community that share the same compassion for the
kids.
I will not apologize for my opinions or statements made where parents are concerned.
there is simply NO EXCUSE I will accept.
Well over 200
kids in my home as foster
kids and you want to know how many had parents that made efforts of any kind to be with them? to visit them? to send a birthday or Christmas card?
Less than 10 if I recall correctly....
I am not going to condemn the OP or her chosen lifestyle but that lifestyle could and should have resulted in her booking an appointment and getting on a bus the next day and being in Iowa today. turn another trick and get a room for a week.... and some food and be working on the problem THERE. Where the
kids are. Seeing the
kids as often as she can... participating in all the decisions regarding their education....
Post a thread that says
" I got on a bus to Iowa to try to fix this leaving behind all my things... could someone please help me....." I would participate in organizing a few guys and a truck and the rental of a storage unit to store all her things in.
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