Replacing your ATF.

[Guest051920]

Can an All time favorite be replaced? My favorite lady retired a few years ago.Our chemistry was great from our first meeting on.I only missed one session with her due to a hectic schedule.We both were disappointed not to see each other.Since she has retired I've seen nearly 3 dozen ladies a few multiple times.Its apparent she can't be replaced.I've seen many ladies retire over my four years in the hobby. Its a part of the hobby life that eventually occur.

How have Y'all replaced your All time favorite.Can forming a consistent partner in this become problematic.

[Outdoorsman]

Great topic!!! I do not know the answer to this one. I do know that I have had women that I have seen multiple times and then slowed down and then some I stopped seeing, some due to my choice and others retire.

I do think getting too close to a lady in this hobby can be dangerous with my emotions. When I first start seeing a lady my understanding of it being a purely business transaction is very clear, but when we click and see each other continuously I do so because I genuinely like the lady and start to become her friend from my point of view, sometimes I am still the client to her, therein lies my emotional problem.

My definition of a freind is a person I see once in a while outside of business, enjoy an event together may be once a month, communicate telephonically or by email, txt, grab a lunch every so often, etc. etc. In my experience in the hobby most ladies, not all, simply see me as a client, and that's okay. I just have to remember that these ladies really do not care for me at all, they just want to do is perform their job and move forward.

In my line of work I have clients that I see repeatedly and over time I have become friends with a handful of them, we go to Saints games together, dinners, campaign parties, etc. etc. we enjoy each others company and have fun together. Whenever I get close I may ask a friend provider to go to lunch but I find she wants not only for me to pay for the lunch but also pay for her time, friends do not charge each other to go to lunch, that simple. If I am booking BCD of course I have to pay and I understand that completely, my frineds that are clients pay me for my work but do not pay me to go to a party with them.

So maybe moving from ATF to ATF is best for me, IDK. How does one replace a friend, again IDK. And remeber I am only generalizing my experience not all ladies act the same - simple.

Question for me is can a provider, look upon a hobbyist as a true friend they can call when they are stranded cuz car broke down or call just to say "hi" or eat an occassionally lunch together. IDK if it is possible for most providers. I can only speak for myself I tend to allow my attachment to get the best of me and then I have to consider breaking it off completely.

One lady I used to see very often I stopped seeing last summer simply because I liked her as a friend and it seemed she was not enjoying her job, so I chose not to be a part of something that to her would cause unhappiness, just me. BTW I still communicate with that lady as a friend for time to time.

[Guest032514-1]

Ask yourself if you are looking to replace her or find a new ATF. If you're looking to replace her, you never will. And you will never find a new ATF if you are looking for a replica ermmm replacement of your former ATF.

[JoesphFriday]

I would say that many dawgs here have replaced their ATF, many here are married and have LTR with a woman that at one time I am sure they felt fulfilled all their needs, but as time went on the "Thrill was Gone", so of course the same human behavior exists when it comes to providers that are a genetlemans ATF.

[johnathan]

To avoid emotional breakdown, I don't see anybody twice.

[Jacquie]

I've had hobby friends that I see outside of hobbying.

Met a boy my age who had moved in from out of state, was lonely, and wanted to try out hobbying. We had tons of chemistry. And, I later invited him out drinking with my friends. So many people of different ages hang out with me that it didn't seem out of place. He bought me drinks. I bought him drinks. We email from time to time.

I guess it's really dependent on what boundaries a lady sets for herself. The above situation can't work out for everyone obviously. But, I don't see the big deal about it. I just don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of-- and in Outdoorsman's case, I don't think I would feel that way. There are tons of guys who just aren't that honest or full of good intention.

[Guest050715-1]

Like or love happens in the Demimonde, but kind of like the lyric “Lookin’ for love in all the wrong places.” You have to decide like Babee said if you are looking to replace the lady or the position.


I have ATF’s myself. They are clients that have turned into friends. We still see each other P4P, but we also see each other socially too. I think it’s a natural function of the Demimonde world to form friendships. Like Jonathan said, he only sees a lady once to avoid emotional entanglements. And because ATF’s are friends, I like to think it as the more the merrier. What is important though is if the line gets too blurry, it needs to be discussed or one or both of you will get hurt.

So my answer is kinda, maybe, sorta...............It just depends on what you are looking to replace. Clear as mud .

[Outdoorsman]

Jacquie I think you hit the nail on the head. I agree with you. I do not want to feel like I am being taken advantage of, same principle for me. It is easy for me to feel I am only being used for my money and honestly I do not like that feeling. I know that I am a client and in that sense I am used purely for my money but I mean outside of BCD. If a provider calls me to ask about legal issues, I am willing to help but I want to be paid for my time, that is work for me. Some providers expect me to work for free, I am sorry when is the last time she worked for free? And in my book she would not be a friend. A friend will refer business not expect freebeies.

I have swapped services, but to me that is the same thing as paying for it.

And some people have just found a place in my heart that can never be replaced, period. But BCD can always be replaced, sex is easy any two grown ups can do that, but in my expereince not any two grown-ups will click on that emotional level.