Cows and Captialism

[Guest053011]

DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your
cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money,
buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to
sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You
force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd.
So you pick some dumb cow from Arkansas named Hillary.

[charlestudor2005]

@Lauren

I hate stereotypes. Some of these were pretty offensive.

Just sayin'.

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Just sayin'.

..that Chuck has no sense of humor.

[Gryphon]

This is an expansion of a very old joke, dating back to the 30's. The thing about stereotypes is, they become stereotypes for a reason. The Polish one could be considered offensive, but the others are pretty much spot on.

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by Gryphon

This is an expansion of a very old joke, dating back to the 30's. The thing about stereotypes is, they become stereotypes for a reason. The Polish one could be considered offensive, but the others are pretty much spot on.

I've never met an ethic gr that couldn't laugh at themselves amongst friends. The problem is not making jokes, it's not realizing their jokes. Making you either a politically correct tight ass or a prejudice jackass.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

I've never met an ethic gr that couldn't laugh at themselves amongst friends. The problem is not making jokes, it's not realizing their jokes. Making you either a politically correct tight ass or a prejudice jackass.

Edit: The point, L, is that they laugh at themselves. You don't seem to be a member of any of these groups. I notice that it did not include Canadian anything.

I don't find it funny to stereotype groups of people and then make fun of them or use the stereotype to perpetuate any kind of discrimination. Making fun of whole groups of people at their expense is not honorable.

It's the kind of thing done by the Ku Klux Klan, the NAACP, Peter King, and to a lesser extent, some really obnoxious professional comedians.

I find it to be derogatory and I don't think it belongs any place on this Board. But that's just my opinion.

[topsgt38801]

We must remain politically correct and not make jokes. Personally I did not see anything offensive about it. There are a lot worse things going on and being said in our country that are more offensive than this little bit of humor.

But, Charles, I do respect your point of view and am pround you are able to express because of the country we live in.

Not meant to get into any type of negative discussion, just my point of view which is strictly mine and does not represent the views of this website. LOL

Top.

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

I don't find it funny to stereotype groups of people and then make fun of them or use the stereotype to perpetuate any kind of discrimination. Making fun of whole groups of people at their expense is not honorable.

It's the kind of thing done by the Ku Klux Klan, the NAACP, Peter King, and to a lesser extent, some really obnoxious professional comedians.

I find it to be derogatory and I don't think it belongs any place on this Board. But that's just my opinion.

Indeed it is. I have high expectations of people - I expect their intelligence to be dynamic - meaning they can be amused by commonalities (which is what forms culture and ethnicity), without mistreating individuals. People that don't know the difference are stupid, and my sense of humour will not evolve to accommodate the lowest common denominator.

I'm Polish and not the least bit offended by the joke, because we make those jokes all the time.

Amusing to see you offended when you make generalized unflatterig statements about the ladies of the industry - a group you come into contact with all the time. You even seem to believe those comments - joking isn't the problem, mistaking a joke for a fact is the problem. Humour by virtue of what it is deconstructs elements of life, regardless of the topic.


Forgive me, but I think you're posturing. That's just my opinion of course

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Indeed it is. I have high expectations of people - I expect their intelligence to be dynamic - meaning they can be amused by commonalities (which is what forms culture and ethnicity), without mistreating individuals. People that don't know the difference are stupid, and my sense of humour will not evolve to accommodate the lowest common denominator.

I'm Polish and not the least bit offended by the joke, because we make those jokes all the time.

Amusing to see you offended when you make generalized unflatterig statements about the ladies of the industry - a group you come into contact with all the time.

Forgive me, but I think you're posturing. That's just my opinion of course

While you were writing this, I edited my Post #6. Since you've revealed yourself as having Polish ancestry (I have close relatives who are of Polish descent), to the extent I inferred you were not a member of any of the examples, I withdraw it.

Your high expectations of people is not borne out by history. Given the chance, I think people will gravitate more towards pond scum than lily pads.

Ladies of the industry have earned both the compliments I have to give and the criticisms. It is a business. And, it appears from the comments on this board, I'm a little more critical than other hobbyists here. And the "unflattering" comments I make have their genesis in specific conduct by ladies that I have met.

I strongly suspect that based on my comments here, I am on a lot of DNS lists, but that's really beside the point. The point is: ladies advertise as "professionals." I've rarely experienced that kind of professional conduct. I'm not talking about anything as subjective as YMMV. I'm talking about TCB, NC/NS, timeliness, giving me the full amount of time...all things that should NOT be an issue.

So, my "unflattering" comments are not generalized. They are based in specific facts.

Posturing...I don't think so.

[Guest083011]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

Words to live by. Lauren, care to join me for lunch?

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

People that don't know the difference are stupid, and my sense of humour will not evolve to accommodate the lowest common denominator.

I'm Polish and not the least bit offended by the joke, because we make those jokes all the time.

Amusing to see you offended when you make generalized unflatterig statements about the ladies of the industry - a group you come into contact with all the time.

)

You find it amusing to see people offended? Seems to me that you can tell others they are stupid and make chasticing comments all the time, while when its your turn to admit your lack of intelligence you can`t handle the heat. Crying wolf?

Given the fact you seem to brag so much about how you value intelligence it seems to me you have no understanding about what it means to be "political correct" because it is exactly the opposite of being a rigid tight ass.

Just because people laugh at such jokes "all the time" doesn`t make them better. As someone stated those kind of jokes were usual in the 30ies where people believed in racial hierarchies and evaluating ethnicities in stereotypical forms. To use the belonging to some sort of group ( the people that make such jokes) as an excuse to do so lacks intellectualism and looking beyond yourself. It is irrellevant , because everyone chooses their social groups according to their own character or values or social conditions or economic standards. I am psychologist and i hear people (for example alcoholics or drug addicts or women with eating disorders or anyone for that matter) state stuff like that all the time . An alcoholic also does not realize his dependence at some point and says "Oh everyone drinks as much as i do". That is because he is not capable of handling different social settings.

I am austrian and i know a lot of polish people, and i have never heard anyone making jokes like that. Things start small, and i agree with Charles Tudor that stuff like that can lead (does not have to) to racism, bigotry and start wars. Creating stereotypes that ridicules others is not really great humour either. It reminds me of schoolkids in puberty. That is at least the last time when i heard such things are supposed to be funny

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

People that don't know the difference are stupid, and my sense of humour will not evolve to accommodate the lowest common denominator.

I'm Polish and not the least bit offended by the joke, because we make those jokes all the time.

Amusing to see you offended when you make generalized unflatterig statements about the ladies of the industry - a group you come into contact with all the time.

)

You find it amusing to see people offended? Seems to me that you can tell others they are stupid and make chasticing comments all the time, while when its your turn to admit your lack of intelligence you can`t handle the heat. Crying wolf?

Given the fact you seem to brag so much about how you value intelligence it seems to me you have no understanding about what it means to be "political correct" because it is exactly the opposite of being a rigid tight ass. So, it seems to me you have "high expectations" when it comes to other people but not yourself then?

Just because people laugh at such jokes "all the time" doesn`t make them better. As someone stated those kind of jokes were usual in the 30ies where people believed in racial hierarchies and evaluating ethnicities in stereotypical forms. To use the belonging to some sort of group ( the people that make such jokes) as an excuse to do so lacks intellectualism and looking beyond yourself. It is irrellevant , because everyone chooses their social groups according to their own character or values or social conditions or economic standards. I am psychologist and i hear people (for example alcoholics or drug addicts or women with eating disorders or anyone for that matter) state stuff like that all the time . An alcoholic also does not realize his dependence at some point and says "Oh everyone drinks as much as i do". That is because he is not capable of handling different social settings.

I am austrian and i know a lot of polish people, and i have never heard anyone making jokes like that. Things start small, and i agree with Charles Tudor that stuff like that can lead (does not have to) to racism, bigotry and start wars. Creating stereotypes that ridicules others is not really great humour either. It reminds me of schoolkids in puberty. That is at least the last time when i heard such things are supposed to be funny

[Ansley]

Okay I'm confused. Is this thread about a pretty funny joke or Charles beginning to compare providers to cows?

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by Ansley

Charles beginning to compare providers to cows?

So, what's new?

[pjorourke]

http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=189920