Sad reflections on the past

[iscrewedmeganfox]

I know I have been abrasive lately. I realize now it is because I feel so bad about things that happened in the past. It really is sad to me to see young women chewed up and spit out by the biz they get into (for whatever reason). I got really messed up in the head seeing my ATF destroy herself and be destroyed by the predators and parasites that hover around beautiful young vulnerable women. I tried with everything I had to save her, but I failed her. I don't think i will ever get over that. I hope she is okay. I pray for her everyday. Just a little insight into an ECCIE member who does not see this "hobby" the same way now nor will i ever again. There are things that cannot be forgotten no matter how hard a man tries.

[Guest061315]

maybe u should stp dwellin on the past and move forward..i see your about younger ladies cool cool..however..sometimes rollin with ladies
that can rock and roll with apple pie looks as they taste lke the candied hams
..ijs..dont judge a book by the recipe.. u ma miss out...on the sweetness,,,,,,

[offshoredrilling]

no one can save another from self

enjoy the ride, and jump off when its to much for yourself

mmmmm and I'm sure the 3 is down ta two for me. was one hell of a long ride.

[iscrewedmeganfox]

Thanks OSD my friend. What you say is true, I know. But I am the kind of person that cannot help but think and torture myself over whether i could have done more. I nearly ruined myself trying, but the fact that she never stopped makes me feel like I failed her. I know it is crazy, but emotions are not logical. Anyways, not looking for anyone to berate me or tell me I am dwelling too much, I know that. Just trying to say that not all of us guys in this "hobby" are parasites who use up young women and throw them away. I truly care/cared a lot.

[offshoredrilling]

your a hobbyist
hobby = short term renting
I tend ta lease, longer trem
in both you can not control the landlord
you can only control self so and not to be controlled by the landlord

[Jim Fett]

I have learned you can't save someone who does not want to be saved. I have taken care of some in withdrawal, and opened my home to some. There is one who is like a daughter to me. Just be there for them, and lock up your checkbook. When they have no place to live, and cell phone is gone, they will show up on your doorstep. You can take baby steps. Talk about a normal life, take them to visit there child, and just be there for them, when they need you.

[Maximum4]

Nothing wrong with caring dude. We're all real people.

[Justin Heranus]

Originally Posted by iscrewedmeganfox

I know I have been abrasive lately. I realize now it is because I feel so bad about things that happened in the past. It really is sad to me to see young women chewed up and spit out by the biz they get into (for whatever reason). I got really messed up in the head seeing my ATF destroy herself and be destroyed by the predators and parasites that hover around beautiful young vulnerable women. I tried with everything I had to save her, but I failed her. I don't think i will ever get over that. I hope she is okay. I pray for her everyday. Just a little insight into an ECCIE member who does not see this "hobby" the same way now nor will i ever again. There are things that cannot be forgotten no matter how hard a man tries.

Originally Posted by iscrewedmeganfox

Thanks OSD my friend. What you say is true, I know. But I am the kind of person that cannot help but think and torture myself over whether i could have done more. I nearly ruined myself trying, but the fact that she never stopped makes me feel like I failed her. I know it is crazy, but emotions are not logical. Anyways, not looking for anyone to berate me or tell me I am dwelling too much, I know that. Just trying to say that not all of us guys in this "hobby" are parasites who use up young women and throw them away. I truly care/cared a lot.

Though the years from reading your posts and a few messages going back and forth. I could tell you are a good guy with a big heart. You are a person I like and respect. I would love to have a beer with you some time. This hobby can be fun, a head ache, stressing, and heart breaking. It is a big grey area in there. One problem with the younger girls is they see the fast money, start to have a lot of fun with the fast money, get in over there head, and in some cases get addicted to the money or by that point they need the money to keep their life style. The down fall is they are to young to really know what they want, are easily influenced. That is just a bad combo. When you are a good person and get caught in that combo with some one. Aj is correct in the older ones tend to be better. My ATF is in her mid to late 30's? I know better than to ask. Three things you never ask a lady is: her age, her weight, or to marry you. It will always end bad. I do like the younger girls to. I love to see a beautiful body. So I go to a strip club and can see and stay out of trouble. Once in a while might date one, but I will always be good to them. I am with OSD I scaled my list way back. I am down to 4 ladies. Rare I will try some one new. Well I lied I did try one person new today, but she was with one of the four ladies. With the 4 one lives far away so rare we get a chance to catch up. We talk from time to time. So technically there is 3. They are older and I love it because there is no stress. They know what they want. They will not get played or used, because they would tell the guy to hit the road.
Sorry I am rambling again . You and I are a lot a like in some things and slightly different in others. Like when I got back I caught wind of some of the things that happened. I feel like crap that I was not around to have a drink and talk with you. So yes I too suffer from the big heart. Just take it in stride and if need take a break. Or find one that is a little older and you can relate to. If you ever need to talk there are some great people here and some not so. I for one would be there if you need to talk as I am sure many others will. The hobby can seem messed up at times, but there are some tight groups that form with in it. Ok I will stop. Take care bud

[youngatheart]

ISMF,
I know how you feel. We can try but, ultimately they make their own decisions. I've tried many a time to save a girl from herself (not necessarily in the hobby lifestyle) but in the end they know better or have to learn for themselves. It doesn't make it any easier but you have to try and move on with life. There will always be another one you can save and one you can't. I hope time bring you some peace.

[Gotyour6]

I tried to care for one myself and watched as she destroyed herself.

Nothing I could do but watch.

Train wrecks will happen.

I still think about her but I know from everything i have done I doubt she even gives me a passing thought.

[jokacz]

There is nothing colder than a hooker's heart.

[with a few exceptions lol]

[JONBALLS]

once your a client (payed) your a client

you cant do anything for them , they have to hit rock bottom and want it for themselves

unless you drop them at in patient and then no contact . your doing nothing to help them

if you think their gonna somehow stop as you continue to "trade" ..whatever albeit a place to stay for some sex or rides, food , money..whatever

your still enabling

and i think deep down we all know its more about our individual self interests over any real desire to take the tough stands, letting her be

left out on her own in order to really hit th bottom ,

the tough stands that would really have any slim chance at turning her tide

[JONBALLS]

this shits an addiction , guys need to ween themselves off and get their head togethor

before you can "help" (term used loosely) anyone else on this earth

[offshoredrilling]

Originally Posted by jokacz

There is nothing colder than a hooker's heart.

[with a few exceptions lol]

not sure I agree with that. but then I only keep to a few.

Originally Posted by JONBALLS

once your a client (payed) your a client
( yes and no, mosly yes and true statement)
you cant do anything for them , they have to hit rock bottom and want it for themselves

unless you drop them at in patient and then no contact . your doing nothing to help them

if you think their gonna somehow stop as you continue to "trade" ..whatever albeit a place to stay for some sex or rides, food , money..whatever

your still enabling

and i think deep down we all know its more about our individual self interests over any real desire to take the tough stands, letting her be

left out on her own in order to really hit th bottom ,

the tough stands that would really have any slim chance at turning her tide

Or maybe, I'm almost as cold

[iscrewedmeganfox]

Thanks to everyone who posted. I was in one of those moods I cannot shake free of. Certain times of year hit me hardest. I went into this whole biz thinking it would be fun and exciting - and it was for a while. I just don't think I am cut out for it. I don't judge anyone who does this, but I cannot continue doing it knowing what i know and what I experienced. I came back after stopping to see if it would help my poor mood, but it only made me feel worse. I realize now that I will never find what I am looking for because I am looking in the wrong place. OSD and JB really got it when they said this is a hobby and you cannot control the landlord just the time you are renting. That is not what will ever fulfill me in the way i need to be. I thought i could make something happen that was doomed from the beginning. One thing I can say for sure is that my hatred for drugs and the parasitic fiends that provide them could not burn stronger.