Kidding aside, plenty of married guys here – with wives who are uninterested, unskilled, or unable to take care of certain needs. You’re not alone.
The first time is going to feel weird. Right now, you have a mental image of “the kind of guy” who hobbies and thinking that you’re different or better somehow, and finding it hard to come to terms with the decision you’ve already made but haven’t mustered the gumption to act on. When you let go of that, come to terms with your situation, and accept that you are “that kind of guy” and it’s just something you do (because you must) and not something you are, it will be easier. It’s really not as dramatic as you assume. It doesn't make you a different person - more relaxed, a little happier, and better able to bear the stress of daily life. But it's just something you do once in a while to get back on kilter.
Anyway, the first time at anything is awkward. On the first trip to a proctologist, I was anxious. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that I was going to pay an old man to jam a finger up my butt and make me ejaculate. Three or four visits later, there’s no hesitation: pants down, butt up, “give it to me Charlie" so I can get on with my day.
Pretty much the same thing with a provider, but it’s a woman, it’s cheaper, and society takes a dim view. In fact, they’ll do the exact same thing and even wear a lab coat if you ask.
But again, kidding aside, the “weird” feeling goes away after a while, but the first time it’s inevitable.
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