Question for the Ladies and Gents

[Grizzly]

I hope this right forum for this topic/ question.


I have not stepped out since December 31st of last year. I have recently started working on the areas of my life I need to work on ( I have a disability). For me the hobby has been a way to escape reality for a few hours at a time.

My question to the ladies and gentleman of the board: I have always been happy hobbying and never had a guilt complex after seeing someone. However, recently I started seeing a new therapist that is helping me figure out some issues from my past and a couple of my friends have made the suggestion I have an addiction to sex.

So my questions are:

1. Can dreaming/being in the hobby be an addiction or lead to an addiction?

2. Is it normal to feel a little let down or 2nd guess yourself after waking up from a dream?

I never struggled with calling someone up until I started listening to my friends and new shrink but now I am second guessing myself about what I want to do and if I want to continue.

I try to retire or leave but than I miss the excitement and I come back into the fold. I am currently single and work in an industry full of young beautiful women (nursing home) that are not available. I see nothing wrong with this but it bugs me everyone thinks I have an addiction because I would rather do this than meet someone and settle down. The last lady I saw did not see it as an addiction.

Please feel free to be open and honest and share personal stories or thoughts. If you do not want to post here feel free to PM me.

I do apologize if this is long winded and if it might be in the wrong section. But inquiring minds would like to know.

thank you everyone
and mods if this is the wrong area feel free to move it

Oenghus

[FireSerpent]

Saying one is addicted to sex is a very strong thing to say. Most people who are addicts in general do things that are distructive to themselves, their relationships with others and their job/career.

Do you choose sex over other forms of human interaction? Do you use sex to deal with emotional problems? Instead of doing your job/career or spending time with friends/family/kids are you pursuing your sexual desires instead?

Making a choice to be in the hobby instead of seeking a more traditional relationship does not mean you have a sexual addiction (in my opinion)... it may however, lead to some issues with relating to women if and when you decide that you want a more traditional relationship.

[katkisses2000]

here is how I see it.
Ok dose you hobby life mess with your day life do you find your self thinking more about your ATF more so then work of just doing everyday walks of life? if no then i dont see this being a addiction,nor leading to one.
Feeling disappointed after waking up from this wonderful dream world is ok happends to us all.If we didnt wake up from this dream wrld once in a while then we would all have stories starting out with "once apon a time" and well that happends about as offten as happly ever after.
If you feel that hobbying keeps yo with having a bit of sanity for even justa few hours a day then so be it no one gets hurt and everyone no matter if you 18 or 80 needs to take some tme for themselves of this happends ------>
And well even thoou you and i have never had the joy or pleasure of meeting each other i can see how,shrinks can make you second geuss your self and make you really wonder if its really worth it.
Mind you this is only from my point of view and has zero bearing on whatever you see fit to do in your life.

[Guest121212]

PM sent!

Kisses,

- Jackie

[Grizzly]

FireSerpent: Thank you for the reply and your words of wisdom. To answer your question: "Do you choose sex over other forms of human interaction? Do you use sex to deal with emotional problems? Instead of doing your job/career or spending time with friends/family/kids are you pursuing your sexual desires instead?"

No I do not choose sex of other forms of human interaction, as far as I know i do not use sex to deal with emotional problems. Granted it is a way for me to escape for a few hours to relax. No I am spend adequate time with family, I also work 40 plus hours a week from 6 am until 230pm.

Since I never had a traditional relationship even with my ex girlfriend who was a dancer by the way, all my relationships have revolved around, money in some form or fashion. I probably would not recognize a traditional relationship if it bit me in the butt.

Kat: Thank you for your reply; To answer your question:
The hobby life does not affect me in taking care of my daily needs ie working a 40 hr a week job or spending time with family.
Granted I have in the past dreamed first instead of paying bills or taking care of my immediate needs like a roof over my head and food on the table, but I am trying to change that.

I also have to agree with your statement, I feel like I am at the exploding point now, just have a lot of bills to pay first.

Jackie: I received your PM and replied. Thank you.

[jan-w]

To OP: The key words in your posts are that you acknowledged spending money on the hobby when you had other, more pressing bills to pay. If someone is using money on a hobby, whether it be golf, gambling, parties or women, instead of paying their rent, then yes, that could be a sign of a problem. You say you're working on it but you just never want to spend your "living" money on any pleasure activity.

Obviously, nobody but you knows how involved you are with the hobby. I think it's fine to use this as a momentary pleasure but one just has to be realistic about it also. I think it's important to use money for necessities first, then sock some away into savings, then whatever's left, use at your discretion. I guess that's why it's called discretionary income.

As long as you control the hobby and don't let it control you, then you should be OK.

[lacrew_2000]

Preface - I have no idea what I'm talking about.

But, this statement got my attention:

"2. Is it normal to feel a little let down or 2nd guess yourself after waking up from a dream?"

It leads me to believe that, similar to many other forms of addictive behavior, there is some itch you are trying to scratch with the hobby...but you never feel completely satisified.

I see it with people who can't stop going to the casino, people who can't quit getting 'just one more tattoo', people who become literally addicted to religion.

IMHO, your therapist may be on to something. Who knows how much of a 'problem' it is, though. I agree with others here, that it should purely be done with 'extra' money. If you go hobby before you get the rent paid, well of course you're going to feel guilty when its over.

[vitokc]

Originally Posted by lacrew_2000

Preface - I have no idea what I'm talking about.

But, this statement got my attention:

"2. Is it normal to feel a little let down or 2nd guess yourself after waking up from a dream?"

It leads me to believe that, similar to many other forms of addictive behavior, there is some itch you are trying to scratch with the hobby...but you never feel completely satisified.

I see it with people who can't stop going to the casino, people who can't quit getting 'just one more tattoo', people who become literally addicted to religion.

IMHO, your therapist may be on to something. Who knows how much of a 'problem' it is, though. I agree with others here, that it should purely be done with 'extra' money. If you go hobby before you get the rent paid, well of course you're going to feel guilty when its over.

Doing this much soul searching can be kind of scary. If one is never satisfied,they continue to feed this craving. If satisfied after a dream, we all know it's temporary and we go back for more. It's just a matter of pulling in the reins at the right time and having fun at the right time. It doesn't go away completely. Otherwise there would be no hobbyist. You are not alone here, you were able to speak about your feelings. Not an easy thing.