Being a hooker is like catching my next high

[KaylaRyder]

So I been thinking... like my whole life I have been promiscuous, I have always strived for those butterfly feelings, that next high, that feeling of being wanted so bad.. that deep in your heart feeling that u want something so bad that u want to be appreciated, that u want to be wanted.. Does any one else do this bc they crave that feeling? like seriously sometimes it hurts so bad, the want is so strong, like seriously I'm getting to the point where I understand a girl putting a needle in her arm just to make the pain go away, just to feel that feeling of being ok, just to feel that feeling of not hurting anymore.. I think when it comes down to it all of us want to feel loved and wanted, all of us want to be loved and needed.. Like i try to be the best women and mom I can be, but if I didn't do this what kind of women would I be? Would I be that girl that ran from guy to guy just to be ok, just to get that high, that wanted feeling? like seriously I appreciate everything I have bc of this, everything I can give my son but really what is it, is it my drug, is it yours? idk, when it comes down to it i just want to be needed I want to please, I want to be loved, that what makes me happy that's what makes this all ok.. so yeah ik I'm all up in my feeling and all, but is this normal, do yal feel this way? Give me some feed back please??

[Max3pc]

0504 post? Up Early or Up late? Reg 'that feeling' ..... From my side of the fence that 'butterfly' feeling of a known outcome when meeting someone for the first (or 2nd, 3rd ......) is great. The actual events as they occur are great too, but not if mechanical. If ther's a mutual positive feeling for what the other person is providing then all is good; if either has that 'vibe' of taking advantage of the other then not so good.

My 2 cents ..... from my side of the fence .....

Max

[lickidyclit]

Wow, pretty deep thoughts at 5am darlin,for the record,most of us here are glad you are a hooker,and a darn good one too!

[Next Best Thing]

You sound like the classic danger/thrill seeker Kay-Kay.

Sometimes delaying gratification is worthwhile because it intensifies the positive experience and makes it more fulfilling.

There is at least one thing I do twice a month that I can't mention here because the Mods seem more point-happy than usual but two things that work for me are intense physical exercise and sitting in a movie theatre, in the dark, seperating myself from the rest of the world, and disappearing into a distraction-free environment.

Other than that deliberately focusing whatever intensity I possess on things that are traditionally thought of as positive?

I think pushing the envelope with hooking or any other illegal activity is likely not to end well.

[Guest072118]

You guys can read and understand this? LOL

[Next Best Thing]

The worst thing Kay-Kay has said is that she copes by fucking stranger after stranger, most of who I can only assume are degenerate weirdos based upon what we read on the board here.

Kay-Kay you would be perfectly fine if you were born a man. I mean with the relentlessy and pretty much indiscriminately fucking whatever they put down on the plate in front of you.

Just go to one of those community college nursing programs. Three or four years from now instead of fucking 55 year old fat men you'll instead be fucking 35 year old doctors and laughing about this shit. Plus you won't be looking over your shoulder all the time.

[Cnymoose]

I'll have to refer this one out- not my specialty, and drugs and needles were mentioned... mods will be all over this.

[Next Best Thing]

One other quickie before I hit the road Kay-Kay.

I know you enjoy listening to music - you should try overamping on some post-2000 Bob Dylan, it's a fantastic coping mechanism, especially as you start to get older.

Also flip over to youtube and listen to some Sam Harris diatribes. Sam is very smart and also very funny.

[afterdark1971]

Kayla... I've read reviews of your encounters and your voracious need and desire to please and be loved cuts through in those.
My need for a gfe is so strong.. Not only because I need her to be attentive to my need for love and compassion, but also receptive to letting go and enjoying the pleasures I like to give. I love giving erotic massages to break the ice and also explore new exogenous areas with women im with for the first time or the tenth time.
I'm a passionate kisser.. Not a Sloppy kisser... I look for that reciprocal passion returned through her lips as well.
So I'm a compassion and love seeker myself and I hope someday I get the chance to indulge in our addictions together.
I have been here awhile sharing my stories here but have not taken the time to figure out how to get "verified" and references from my BP experiences aren't really realistic to get...
I do know though that you would easily satisfy my addiction

[Alchemist2u]

[QUOTE=KaylaRyder;1058948326].... Does any one else do this bc they crave that feeling? /QUOTE]
I do agree that getting paid for doing something that you would do for pleasure and enjoyment alone, is one mark of a clever person who has figured out a lot of life. The trick, no bad pun intended, is to stay in control of the balancing act. Actors and artists often do it, so do scientists. some consultants, and others who manage to mix pleasure and profession. The trick is to stay in control of the balancing act! Good luck to ya.

[KaylaRyder]

Thank you all for the positive feedback!! It was a late night, I had Christmas party and came home drunk and alone and all in my head.. Ik the life we live can be a complicated thing that's hard to understand once u put your heart and soul into your thoughts, but it's nice to know that it's not just me who feels this way..
Ik my post was kinda hard to understand with all the "likes and seriouslys" lol but I think for the most part yal know what I'm saying and where I'm coming from..

[KaylaRyder]

And after waking up the other morning and reading this I kinda regreted putting it out there, the real me, the complicated in my heart me.. I thought as I read it guys won't understand what I'm saying bc ladies and gents are wired so differently but the feedback I have gotten shows that I'm not totally alone in my thinking and we all aren't as different as i thought we are..

[Guest072323]

Originally Posted by KaylaRyder

Ik my post was kinda hard to understand with all the "likes and seriouslys" lol but I think for the most part yal know what I'm saying and where I'm coming from..

I like thought you had been like hanging around with Vivi Boyt all night....

[pyramider]

Originally Posted by ElleW

You guys can read and understand this? LOL

I lost track due to the lack of taint photos.

[mba_25]

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your life. That is the best gift anyone has. Hope to see you soon!