Ok, you finally get an appointment with the latest flavor of the month, pleasantries exchanged, hurried mooches smooches, clothes off, bedroom on...
She goes down, you go down, no jiffy or peter pan downstairs (normally I seem to pay extra for that...not as lucky as Von), the magic moment arrives....
"Shit, I'm out of condoms! Did you bring any?"
"Uhhhh, noooo, I got the wine, cheese (not parmesan or white cheddar), the space capsule chicken, greek pasta salad, tuna fish, your boyfriends favorite beer, and whatever you needed for the next five days, but rubbers were not on the shopping list."
"Well fuck..."
"Well for $$$ there better be a fuck around here somewhere!"
"ok, ok, ok, let me think....what do I have in the kitchen?"
"Well, you've got wine, cheese (not parmesan or white cheddar), the space capsule chicken, greek pasta salad, tuna fish, your boyfriends favorite beer, and whatever you needed for the next five days...."
"yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it...." as she starts rummaging in the pantry and drawers.
"Hey, I got it!"
"Nah, Saran wrap ain't gonna cut it, it ain't that kind of party."
She pulls out one of those blue latex cooking gloves, and I'm like "You've got to be kidding..."
"No, no, it'll work."
"yeah, I don't think so."
"No, it will, let's just try it...besides, I've never had five fingers up there."
I have to admit, that gave me a visual that I kinda needed at the moment.
So we tried it, and the damn thing wasn't working too good, so then she brought out the magic lube (Extra Virgin Olive Oil, which provided another visual so to speak) and lubed up the inside of the glove.
Well you can guess (ok only if you are a provider that I have seen before) which of the five fingers I was able to snugly fit into...yeah, not the thumb or the other larger three...
So then out came a rubber band to hold the fucking thing in place...geez the humility, and of course the 'promise' that if I filled that one up I had another four to work with...
Yeah, that was the opposite of the problem I was gonna have...
So now I'm promised that the next time I visit I'll have it made up to me as a "Five Finger Discount".
Geez, some fucking Fridays.
Five Finger Discount?
no doubt the boyfriend will bitch about you bringing the wrong kind of beer,bottles,not cans. Will think about your post every time I get some space capsule chicken. Great narrative Dogg
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