Cyber-bullying on ECCIE - is it just in Austin? Just a stag fight? Or trouble right here in River City?

[rrousseau]

I'm kind of new here, so I'm curious. Why do people get away with cyber-bullying on ECCIE, particularly in Austin? Is it just Austin, or other places on ECCIE, too? Is it mostly stag fights between guys, or do the gals get victimized pretty equally?

Am I just being a hypersensitive Chicken Little here? I don't think so, but let me know if I'm wrong.

Wikipedia defines cyberbullying as (among other things), and I'm quoting here: repeatedly harrassing people in a deliberate manner, posting rumors or gossip, bringing about hatred in other's minds, communications that seek to intimidate, control, manipulate, put down, falsely discredit, or humiliate the recipient, posting text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another, encouraging others to harass the victim, and trying to affect a victim's online participation. Many cyberstalkers try to damage the reputation of their victim and turn other people against them.

Now I've gotten sucked into this, where smack talk leads to more smack talk and emotions get the upper hand. I didn't come here for this, but here I am. I hope that I've avoided the worst extremes outlined above.

What are the mechanics of this? What are the alternatives, other than changing the temperament that you were born with? Is it just the nature of the business that the darkest personalities tend to thrive?

I know that there is another way, because I've seen it on ECCIE. Lots of nice, thoughtful people here. But I think that maybe the aggressive types tend to dominate the airwaves.

I've found in my life experience that I'm no more sensitive than others. They get really bent out of shape, too, when someone counterattacks. But some folks tend to be the first ones to feel sympathy for their opponent and back off.

Any insight? I'm really not posting this to get back at anyone, so I'd rather that we didn't rehash any specifics. Just trying to get a feel for the most effective rules of engagement, circumstances being the way they are.

[rockerrick]

Go post in Houston Coed for one week.
Be sure and post a thread showing everyone how smart you think you are.
If you survive, you'll find Austin to be like kindergarten.

[rrousseau]

Originally Posted by rockerrick

Go post in Houston Coed for one week.
Be sure and post a thread showing everyone how smart you think you are.
If you survive, you'll find Austin to be like kindergarten.

Oh, I get it. Houston and Dallas are so status conscious that they always have to establish dominance whether or not any such thing really exists.

What about other places?

[rockerrick]

San Antonio are the biggest pussies on earth.
If you want kumbaya and gentle pats on the back, that's the place.
Well when Whispers, SL, and myself aren't wrecking the place.

This should have been posted in the sandbox as it's not hobby related.

[rrousseau]

Originally Posted by rockerrick

San Antonio are the biggest pussies on earth.
If you want kumbaya and gentle pats on the back, that's the place.
Well when Whispers, SL, and myself aren't wrecking the place.

This should have been posted in the sandbox as it's not hobby related.

No, I don't want pats on the back or kumbaya. I'd just like to get back into hobbying. And I know that it's not 100% safe. Nothing is.

But I need to feel like it is reasonably safe, or else I just won't do it.

When I come here and get attacked over basically nothing, it makes me not want to participate. It activates my spidey sense that this is a hostile community.

Is this what you really want when you attack newbies this way? Less competition = lower prices?

And how exactly is this discussion not hobby related? You just disagree with me, so you want to move it out of sight, right?

Google this: cognitive dissonance.

[TemptationTammie]

If you want one that is pretty much drama and stress free, go take a look at the Killeen/Waco/BCS boards. Some days there is nothing at all going on. But people look out for each other up there.

[rrousseau]

Originally Posted by TemptationTammie

If you want one that is pretty much drama and stress free, go take a look at the Killeen/Waco/BCS boards. Some days there is nothing at all going on. But people look out for each other up there.

Nothing is ever drama and stress free. And yeah, that would be boring.

What I was getting at was cyber-bullying here in Austin and what we can do about it. Any insight into that?

People can disagree without being aggressive and hostile. Nothing wrong with people having an argument. Conflict and disagreement is a natural and necessary part of life.

The problem that I see is escalating the conflict into personal attacks and unhealthy behavior, especially in a place where people come to hook up and feel good.

[rockerrick]

Gee I wonder how we all survived before you came along? lol
Are you gonna cry?

[gleemonex]

Originally Posted by rrousseau

Nothing is ever drama and stress free. And yeah, that would be boring.

What I was getting at was cyber-bullying here in Austin and what we can do about it. Any insight into that?

People can disagree without being aggressive and hostile. Nothing wrong with people having an argument. Conflict and disagreement is a natural and necessary part of life.

The problem that I see is escalating the conflict into personal attacks and unhealthy behavior, especially in a place where people come to hook up and feel good.

No one says you have to participate in Coed or the ML forums to be here. In fact, the vast majority of providers and mongers don't. Those that do wear their big boy and girl pants and do so knowing what to expect.

If you don't want to be bullied, there's really a simple solution... don't post in Coed. You can read ads and reviews and the search options let you find out any intel you need on any providers from both reviews and ML posts. If you want to share your experiences, you can write reviews yourself. Most review threads are fairly drama free, and if you don't read the responses to your reviews, they are completely drama free to you. IJS

[rrousseau]

Originally Posted by rockerrick

Gee I wonder how we all survived before you came along? lol
Are you gonna cry?

Perfect example of what I'm talking about. Do you have any constructive advice other than to divert the conversation into a feeble attempt at humiliating me?

I cry sometimes, and I'm not ashamed of that. But very rarely, and definitely not in this context.

I'm just trying to understand what is going on here, and you seem to be studiously avoiding the real problem. Why is that?

[rrousseau]

Originally Posted by gleemonex

No one says you have to participate in Coed or the ML forums to be here. In fact, the vast majority of providers and mongers don't. Those that do wear their big boy and girl pants and do so knowing what to expect.

If you don't want to be bullied, there's really a simple solution... don't post in Coed. You can read ads and reviews and the search options let you find out any intel you need on any providers from both reviews and ML posts. If you want to share your experiences, you can write reviews yourself. Most review threads are fairly drama free, and if you don't read the responses to your reviews, they are completely drama free to you. IJS

Another example of cyberbullying. Actively discouraging participation.

But I don't think you're a cyberbully, because you don't do this repeatedly. You've just adopted a certain mindset to get along.

[TemptationTammie]

Originally Posted by rrousseau

Nothing is ever drama and stress free. And yeah, that would be boring.

What I was getting at was cyber-bullying here in Austin and what we can do about it. Any insight into that?

People can disagree without being aggressive and hostile. Nothing wrong with people having an argument. Conflict and disagreement is a natural and necessary part of life.

The problem that I see is escalating the conflict into personal attacks and unhealthy behavior, especially in a place where people come to hook up and feel good.

That's why I said 'pretty much', but at least up there people usually handle things respectfully.
Sometimes it does seem like Austin has it's bullies but we just need to handle it. Sometimes taking things with a grain of salt and realize who is saying it. Maybe just ignore certain people or threads that you know are just meant to cause problems. Maybe try to add some levity to those threads.
I agree that there are some personal attacks. Some people have a rapport with others and can turn the attacks into more of a joke.
Some threads should be taken as levity, not necessarily attacks. Yes, this should be a place to hook up and make people feel good which is a reason to not take certain things too seriously.

[rockerrick]

No a perfect example would be you replying to every suggestion that you get with some idiotic cry baby whining.
You are opening yourself up to this.
Don't like it?
Take my suggestion and go try Houston a while.
Or take Tammie's suggestion about Waco, Killeen, BSC?
Or my other suggestion of San Antonio?
But NOoooo all you want to do is play the whiney pussy, that's being subjected to bullying.
You think you're going to come in here and change shit that you are incapable of changing?
I've got news for you over sensitive newb, it's not going to fucking happen!

[Loxly]

In the world of cyber-bullying...



May your skin never be thinner than your condoms!

[rrousseau]

Originally Posted by TemptationTammie

That's why I said 'pretty much', but at least up there people usually handle things respectfully.
Sometimes it does seem like Austin has it's bullies but we just need to handle it. Sometimes taking things with a grain of salt and realize who is saying it. Maybe just ignore certain people or threads that you know are just meant to cause problems. Maybe try to add some levity to those threads.
I agree that there are some personal attacks. Some people have a rapport with others and can turn the attacks into more of a joke.
Some threads should be taken as levity, not necessarily attacks. Yes, this should be a place to hook up and make people feel good which is a reason to not take certain things too seriously.

Very good points, all of them Tammie. But when it happens repeatedly and systematically, and there are no consequences, things can get out of hand to the point where it discourages new business.