What is Addiction?
The word “addiction” is derived from a Latin term for “enslaved by” or “bound to.” Anyone who has struggled to overcome an addiction or has tried to help someone else to do so understands why.
Addiction exerts a long and powerful influence on the brain that manifests in three distinct ways: craving for the object of addiction, loss of control over its use, and continuing involvement with it despite adverse consequences.
People can be addicted to many things.
You do not have to read many articles to get the fact that addiction is what drives most women to prostitution.
Men become addicted to the lifestyle.
Men and women alike become addicted to the attention.
I watched a couple of people blow through money because of their quest for love confused by the attention they got because they paid for it. One guy sold most of what he owned, went into debt and tapped his retirement before he stopped and said "What the fuck"..... He's doing much better today..... I said one guy but I actually know more than.....
I've questioned myself several years ago as to whether or not I could be a sex addict.... The money I had spent on hookers was 3 times the annual income at the time.....
Having worked with some of the kids I worked with I came to recognize some signs of addiction..... To understand some of the issues I dealt with in trying to help the kids I began attending Allanon meetings years ago and because I cross paths with people with problems I go every once in a while still.
I met all kinds of people that were there because of friends and family members with all kinds of addictions.
I came to see some common common issues and learn what many have a hard time learning.
Probably the most important thing I came to understand was that Addicts are incredibly gifted liars at times.....
How does the guy that lost the rent money playing poker cover it all up? Well... He fabricates incredibly complicated lies.....One guy had friends and family convinced that he was being pressured weekly for protection money from a local gang....
Sympathetic Family members would provide money for all kinds of issues and this went on for years before the truth became known..... This guy went so far once as to stage a physical assault on himself for the sympathy of others.
Addicts spin incredibly complicated stories to justify their financial needs to feed their addictions.... One young lady without insurance crafted an incredibly complex story.... Bone growths in her knees created a problem affecting her ability to walk without pain and the need reconstructive surgery of some sort was described in intense detail... The "treatments" she required always seemed to involve her being short a couple of grand and she always seemed to find someone sympathetic enough to send her the money.... I was sucked in and almost fell for it, snowed at the time by the intensive explanation with all the medical terminology and justifications. Instead of handing her cash I was offered to go to an appointment with her and pay for it by swiping a card. Her attempts to sway me to simply providing her a check or cash became more urgent and desperate....Eventually the truth was realized....
It wasn't until I knew the truth though that I realized it was always right there in front of me.... I used to see her at her apartment.... I used her bathroom... When I thought about it afterwards I realized that with all her medical issues I should have seen the signs in prescription bottles and I never did....
Addicts can play a most sympathetic victim when they weave their lies...... A buddy fell for the gal getting evicted. Gave her the money for deposits and rent and moving..... and a week later as she cried and cried because she had been robbed he did it again...... she never did get moved.....
At a party 2 years ago I let a lady I used to date tend bar. I knew she was hurting for money.... I did NOT know she had a problem..... It was an upscale party with a number of men that had no shortage of available funds and she was a very attractive young lady.... Having dated her myself for an extended period I vouched for her with them and she not only banked that night she was seeing a half dozen of them pretty quick....
First one and then another guy contacted me about some money they had advanced her and when I looked into I had to ask...... What the hell is she spending a few thousand bucks a week on? She had an apartment and vehicle and nothing else to show for it.....
I asked those that were helping her to stop and attempted to get to the bottom of it and it was an ugly situation that only got worse.....
Addicts play the victim as well.... to an incredible as well as believable extent... It's hard at times not to get sucked in....
Another thing about Addicts I have experienced...... Some are incredibly intelligent.... One I know SHOULD go to school and be a pharmacist..... I've never known ANYONE that knows as much about pharmaceutical/prescription medications as she does..... Describe a pill and she can identify it and recite all of it's affects and side affects.... She can also tell you how (if) it can be used in combination with other things to have a different purpose.... It fucking amazed me that she could talk for as long as she could about it and never had any kind of formal education in the field. But... It was her "profession"
As addictions take more and more control over one's life we see all sorts of irrational behaviors develop.....
There is something called Addictive Personality Disorder.... Many people think of one thing when they hear the word addiction..... But it is not always "that"
The truth of the matter is; however, that someone with addictive personality disorder does not have to have a substance abuse problem to be classified as having this disorder.
In fact, the presence of a substance abuse problem is not even a classification factor when it comes to identifying someone with this type of disorder.
Someone who has an addictive personality disorder is someone who has difficulty managing the stress in their lives and rather than coping with stressors in a “normal” way, they turn to behaviors that are often destructive in nature to help to release the stress that they are feeling.
In addition to being hypersensitive to stress, these individuals are often also prone to impulsive behavior and show a significant lack of self esteem. For these individuals, engaging in addictive behaviors is a way to help to try to alleviate the negative emotions being felt as a result of all of these factors.
I know an Addict with this personality....... I've seen her as a Shopping Addict... Seems harmless.... but it can become a rather destructive behavior..... Buying something is euphoric for her.... For her it manifests in winning EBAY auctions..... "winning" outweighs common sense and value gets set aside and she overpays for things at times....
She becomes addicted to certain foods..... Sweet Potatoes and Pineapple juice until she had sever stomach pain because of what they do to a person when consumed in excess...... then it was those popsicles that had icecream under the fruity exterior..... followed by Starbucks..... There is always something for her because she has an Addictive personality.....
Me?... Ive classified myself more than once as being a work-a-holic..... When I was younger and did not recognize it , it cost me valuable moments with my kids I can never recapture....
I knew a girl that tanned..... She had to tan.. she was obsessive about it..... we dated back around 1990... I ran into her recently and although she mid 40s... she looks 60 and has skin like leather.....
What are the traits of an Addict /person with an Addictive Personality Disorder?
- Low self esteem
- A tendency to impulsive behavior
- An antisocial personality
- Difficulty delaying gratification
- A disposition toward sensation seeking
- Someone who values nonconformity to an extreme
- Someone with a weak commitment to the goals for achievement that are generally accepted by “normal” society
- Someone who is tolerant of deviant behavior
- Someone who is socially alienated
- Having an increased sense of stress
Anyone see this in themselves? In someone around you?
I've talked about this more than once over the years...... truthfully, it lead to my meeting a variety of people within the community....... The last time I posted this a lady called me and asked me about the rehabs I had experience with and went into great deal about her personal addiction.
I've assisted several people over the years in getting into Rehab..... I've paid for 4 in the last 4 years with after care for 2 ....
3 of those lives touched this community and are known to others. 1 was not.... Today..... 2 are in jail and will be for a while..... 1 the two that are not should be/ needs to be..... if not I believe she will eventually kill herself..... 1 has been sober for almost 3 years..... Over the years I learned to celebrate the victories... We celebrate hers every year.
Give some thought occasionally to the people around you..... ask yourself if the money you are giving them is helping or hurting......
It's not always easy knowing the answer to that.... Sure.... Her fridge is empty and the electricity is being turned off and if you don't giver her the $500 she needs what will happen?....
What you have to consider is that there was a guy 3 days ago thinking the same thing and there will be a different guy pondering it 3 days from now.... None of the money ever goes where it should.....
You think you can help at times by buying them what they need.... A few years back, after a friend came to me, I helped him get his friend into a Rehab and then I helped him empty her apartment. The cabinets were full of food and fridge was full of food, much of it rotting from age.... He knew she had a problem and tried to limit his help in the way of groceries.... But she did not bother to eat.... her addiction consumed her..... she let spend money on things she would never touch to get the few actual dollars he would give her.....
You can go through life day in and day out with blinders....... It's the easy way that let's you get what you need or want..... That's fine.... If you don't someone else certainly will.....
This "community" however has many people that profess to "caring"... That want to comment day in and day out about the "people and lives" involved.....
OK... Fine.....
Open your eyes... Ask yourself the next time someone HAS TO HAVE $500 BY NOON TOMORROW OR THEY ARE GETTING EVICTED or NEEDS $1000 TO PAY FOR HIS MEDICACTIONS BECAUSE HIS INSURANCE COMPANY IS REFUSING TO HONOR THE NEED FOR THAT PARTICULAR MED if there is something else maybe driving it.....
After all.... if you care enough to be willing to help..... CARE ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY HELP.....
The addict you know today that is begging you for help.... can very well be the addict you know tomorrow destroying your life as they demand your help.....
Addiction... 15 years on these boards I've seen it's affects and it is a simple one word answer to many questions asked.
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