So Why Don't You Post?

[ThatHarleyGuy]

Originally titled "Provider Hierarchy?"

There has been discussion of late, pertaining to the tone of conversations possibly inhibiting the participation of the less dramatic members. I'm not looking to reopen that topic. It did, however, prompt reflection of my own circumstance.

I'll say this in short, and then elaborate. Providers are the ones that motivated me to not post any review, and limit my discussions. And none of the reasons get reflected in posting traffic. Let me explain.

In the beginning, in a galaxy far, far, away, I believed to never document what you don't want known (even if it is fantasy). I abided by that for years, then began to relent, to contribute to the community of another board.

I soon discovered there to be an unwritten, perhaps unspoken, self-imposed hierarchy amongst providers, and it would affect me. Individual providers would make screening decisions based on the other providers I had seen. Not what I had said about them, or them about me, but the fact that I saw them at all.

Provider1 cancels appt because she sees I went to what she considers a "high traffic" provider, and won't see customers who have been to any such lady. It was as if I was now damaged goods.

Provider2 declines appt because she believes a lady I have seen previously performs types of services she doesn't approve of, and thinks I would have expectations she is unwilling to fulfill. Heck, I didn't even know the lady did fetishes, let alone partake. Provider2 doesn't believe me and insists that is the only reason someone goes to the "fetish queen".

Provider3 (whom I had seen many times) reads an alert I posted about what I believed was an impending bust (and the next day it happened) at a spa, labels me a spa frequenter and won't see me anymore. On top of that, she made a point of being sure that if I used her as referral, she told the requesting provider to be aware I went to amp's. Thankfully, the new interest didn't care, and thought it strange enough to tell me.

There are other examples, but you get the point. Unknowingly, I was violating the boundaries of tiers of the provider hierarchy. I decided to never post a review again, haven't, and won't. I love the local ladies, rarely see visiting providers, and run the gamut of races, body types, and rate structures. I usually stick with one or two choices for extended periods, preferring the extended meal over the sampler appetizer, but there is a time and place for everything. I grew tired of that working against me. I now use screening service exclusively, and if that isn't sufficient, I don't see the lovely lady. I'm well established there, and it serves my purposes. If I need board priviledges, I pay. For me, paying is well worth avoiding the problems seemingly caused by posting reviews.

Lurkers, do you have similiarly enigmatic reasons causing you not to post or do reviews?

Ladies, I TOTALLY support and defend your right to see (or not) whomever the heck you want, and don't believe you should have to provide any justification. I'm not raising any issue there. It is a fact of our environment. However, were you to have any sage advice to help us understand, I'd welcome it.

[sixxbach]

Harley,

sure there is. i think the posts from last week made that pretty clear. I believe that you really just need to hobby how you see fit and the anyone who does not respect that does not need your business.

i think the economy continues to take its toll. things are looking up but some people are thinking twice about how carefree they are with extra cash. some now would rather invest or find the good deal out there. I follow that category and love to post my reviews b/c i know i am not the only out there like that.

i would almost think that the more reviews you have posted, etc would help one with screening. On many occasions, I rarely need to provide refrences or my P411. For better or worse, you know who I am. I am not the only out there like that either.

there are some great ladies out there who want your business and as long as you are respectful they will have no issue seeing you. Anyone else Harley, should not be bothered with

[Sensual Sophia]

Interesting. You mention this was in a galaxy far, far away... was it possibly before the latest economic meltdown?

I deal with other providers every day for referencing, chat, friendship, etc... and this is just not something I ever hear mentioned -- with one glaring exception -- Street Walkers.

Many of the guys I see frequent a variety of girls, not all of whom I care for but it wouldn't stop me from seeing them. When someone has P411 with a bunch of OKs or gives me a pile of references that are all of one type, that kinda gives me a clue as to his tastes. Occasionally I have been known to PM a gent to caution him that I am very different from the other women he has seen, just to make sure he is fully informed and does indeed WANT to see me. But if he WANTS to see me and his screening checks out, then I would never understand turning him away because he likes AMPS. That just seems ridiculous. And again, I don't think you will find this behavior much anymore unless you review street walkers. I suppose there could be women out there who find AMPS exploitative -- I'm not sure how you tell if anyone is a slave at those places. If a guy frequented brothels run by the Russian Mafia, then I'd have a problem, but fortunately there are none of those locally.

So anyway... seems kinda like a non issue in these economic times.

But I totally respect your right not to write reviews for any reason. And I'm sorry that you had trouble in the past.

[RALPHEY BOY]

I look at it this way, if a Provider does not want see for WHATEVER reason then so be it,

I dont worry, I dont stress, and frankly she is doing me a favor by not seeing me if she is apprehensive/does not like my posts/does not like my thread/does not like opinions, or just does not like me or my board persona at all..

its a never ending revolving door of Providers to meet..

[ThatHarleyGuy]

Sixx, don't get me wrong. I've no issue with getting to see whom I want to, and not looking for reassurance in my approach. I'm good to go.

I was trying to illustrate how there are many reasons "lurkers" or "trolls" don't post, not all generated by the hobbyists that post. In fact, some providers, who professionally benefit from hobbyist's active participation, are doing themselves a disservice in the way they use the information revealed by posts.

It's a free market, and it will reward and penalize accordingly. My focus was to generate conversation that might illuminate other reasons folks may not post, in the hopes of growing a highly rewarding community in this new world.

[sixxbach]

yes harley, if u post about street walkers, you might have some issues. i totally forgot about that

either way, i have had 3 turn me down for a session. I have 15 ok's with 16 and 17 by tomorrow. so i think the percentages are in your favor Harley since u don't see SW's or would post about it if u did.

sometimes some of the best fun is to be had UTR. Sometimes just telling the girl u will not post a review and see her UTR and abide by the promise, will get you in the door. most gals are more worried about OTHERS seeing that they saw someone who reviewed SW Melanie than the fact that the gent VISITED with SW Melanie.

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by ThatHarleyGuy

Provider1 cancels appt because she sees I went to what she considers a "high traffic" provider, and won't see customers who have been to any such lady. It was as if I was now damaged goods.

Most "High Traffic" Providers tend to be regularly reviewed..... So in all honesty, unless you have something new to report, or some negative information that would save a fellow from making a mistake, you really do not need to write a review of this kind of provider and can therefore avoid the problems reviewing her might bring you....

Provider2 declines appt because she believes a lady I have seen previously performs types of services she doesn't approve of, and thinks I would have expectations she is unwilling to fulfill. Heck, I didn't even know the lady did fetishes, let alone partake. Provider2 doesn't believe me and insists that is the only reason someone goes to the "fetish queen".

In writing a review of this type of lady simply ad to the review in a viewable fashion, that although the provider offered certain fetish services you saw her for a normal GFE session or whatever the reason and clarify your interests. In that manner this kind of review would not hurt you.

Provider3 (whom I had seen many times) reads an alert I posted about what I believed was an impending bust (and the next day it happened) at a spa, labels me a spa frequenter and won't see me anymore. On top of that, she made a point of being sure that if I used her as referral, she told the requesting provider to be aware I went to amp's. Thankfully, the new interest didn't care, and thought it strange enough to tell me.

This is simply the kind of provider you would no longer want to use as a reference.... You might go so far as to bring her name up in some manner that others could be aware of the problem as well.

There are other examples, but you get the point. Unknowingly, I was violating the boundaries of tiers of the provider hierarchy. I decided to never post a review again, haven't, and won't. I love the local ladies, rarely see visiting providers, and run the gamut of races, body types, and rate structures. I usually stick with one or two choices for extended periods, preferring the extended meal over the sampler appetizer, but there is a time and place for everything. I grew tired of that working against me. I now use screening service exclusively, and if that isn't sufficient, I don't see the lovely lady. I'm well established there, and it serves my purposes. If I need board priviledges, I pay. For me, paying is well worth avoiding the problems seemingly caused by posting reviews.

Lurkers, do you have similiarly enigmatic reasons causing you not to post or do reviews?

Ladies, I TOTALLY support and defend your right to see (or not) whomever the heck you want, and don't believe you should have to provide any justification. I'm not raising any issue there. It is a fact of our environment. However, were you to have any sage advice to help us understand, I'd welcome it.

Ladies do have a right to see whomever they desire and we often see this kind of behavior.

I think it is human nature.....

What is unfortunate is that some of them do indeed work against, not only some of the guys, but against themselves and other providers by doing some of the things you described.


I can understand why you decided to quit reviewing and the fact that at some point you did provide reviews, well... you probably contributed enough....

There are those that feel if we are not reviewing regularly, contributing with some frequency, that we are somehow less of a hobbyist.... I'm sure at times that might work against you with other guys.

I do hope you network and share information with others in ways outside the review process.... especially should you have a negative experience....

At some point in time in your development you found the way you were most comfortable in persuing your interests....

Unfortunately, for many as well as newbies... they have not reached that point and need the information that a review provides.....

The review process helps keep the playing field level... looks out for the safety and well being of other guys.... and in many cases can "make or break" a provider's business..... It can take a mediocre provider and help her see her deficiencies and step up her game..... It can take an unstable or dishonest provider and ostrocize her for the well being of the group.....

I review for the noobs as well as to find other like minded guys that will read a review and let me know they have similar interests as well as similar resources/assets

[ThatHarleyGuy]

Sigh... I'm not having any issue with appointments. I was looking for a "why don't you post reviews" conversation. Looking to encourage the infrequent participant to share why they don't. I don't have a problem to solve, .. er... well at least this isn't one of them.

[Logic]

If you think about it all Providors are high traffic. Some are just full of themselves. hahah

[Sensual Sophia]

Lurkers, by definition, don't post so I doubt you'll get a lot of forthcoming responses from them. But I see lots of lurkers, and they usually state one or more of the following reasons for not posting.

1) They have better things to do with their time.

2) They value their privacy and feel posting in some way puts them at risk, be it from LE, the SO or whatever...

3) They find the review boards cliquish -- in other words, they feel like there is a certain in crowd network of boys and if you aren't part of the club, nobody listens to what you have to say anyhow -- that the few times they have posted they have just been ignored.

4) They have posted and been lambasted by other hobbyists for making a newbie mistake, such as not putting enough detail in their review.

5) They find the boards to be full of too much drama.

6) They don't like the macho, self-aggrandizing tone of a lot of the reviews -- they think it's too much of a sausage fest with guys telling tall tales to get props from their fellow mongers.

7) Too many WKs. They had a bad experience with a provider and when they posted an honest review, they were attacked by the provider and her WKs, which soured them on the board.
(Like Whispers, this one kinda bothers me too. It lets bad providers get away with providing bad service.)

P.S. I'm not saying I neccassarily agree with any of this. Just summarizing what I frequently hear.

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by Sensual Sophia

Lurkers, by definition, don't post so I doubt you'll get a lot of forthcoming responses from them. But I see lots of lurkers, and they usually state one or more of the following reasons for not posting.

I get PMS and emails from lurkers, network with lurkers, meet lurkers at luncheons or meet and greets on occaision and hear the same things.....

1) They have better things to do with their time.

2) They value their privacy and feel posting in some way puts them at risk, be it from LE, the SO or whatever...

3) They find the review boards cliquish -- in other words, they feel like there is a certain in crowd network of boys and if you aren't part of the club, nobody listens to what you have to say anyhow -- that the few times they have posted they have just been ignored.

4) They have posted and been lambasted by other hobbyists for making a newbie mistake, such as not putting enough detail in their review.

All in how you deliver the message guys.... Show someone with an example rather than beating them with a stick.

5) They find the boards to be full of too much drama.

I hear this phrased a bit differently..... I hear They find the board to have too many Drama Queens.....

6) They don't like the macho, self-aggrandizing tone of a lot of the reviews -- they think it's too much of a sausage fest with guys telling tall tales to get props from their fellow mongers.

Boys will be Boys and weave a Tall Tale on occasion....

7) Too many WKs. They had a bad experience with a provider and when they posted an honest review, they were attacked by the provider and her WKs, which soured them on the board.
(Like Whispers, this one kinda bothers me too. It lets bad providers get away with providing bad service.)

This is one of the biggest problems any board has to deal with..... Not 5 minutes ago I receved a PM from a guy that saw a certain well known lady and had a horrible experience with her including issues of a sanitary nature but he does not feel comfortable posting it....

So this lady continues to see guys.... get their money.... and we don't get the info.....

White Knights not only hurt the other guys with their bullshit..... They hurt quality ladies as well by allowing someone to take money that those of you that are well reviewed and with gooc TCB rightfully deserve.

P.S. I'm not saying I necessarily agree with any of this. Just summarizing what I frequently hear.

Good Post..... Excellent information.....

[Guest062716]

Well stated, Sophia!

Harley, thanks for the interesting thread.

I would add to the "why don't more people post" question by saying that when I first started in the hobby, I was a board member for 5 months before I posted (other than to say "Hi" in the welcome forum). My rationale was that I was making a committment to join a community and I wanted to learn the language, the protocols, the ettiquette of the community before jumping in. I wanted the post to be well received and wanted to avoid the flames and criticisms I saw flying towards most newbie's posts.

(I am not advocating that people take as long before jumping in with both feet, but I do recommend a little education prior to posting a review).

No one wants to feel unwelcomed when they join a new group...

Hope that helps to answer your question.


Respectfully submitted,

OldSarge

[RALPHEY BOY]

Originally Posted by Sensual Sophia

Lurkers, by definition, don't post so I doubt you'll get a lot of forthcoming responses from them. But I see lots of lurkers, and they usually state one or more of the following reasons for not posting.

1) They have better things to do with their time
.

I used the P for 5 years before I even registered and then I did not post for another 1 or so,, I never read any of the forums, just Alerts section and Provider Ads...not sure why I became a post whore....I guess I was bored

Never once had any issues getting an appointment..

[Devynn von Tease]

As a provider I have sometimes wondered why some gents like other girls and not me. The bottom line-I don't do it for them. And-so what? Guys have the choice to make who they spend their hard-earned $$$ with, and ladies have a choice who they choose to see and who not. It goes both ways. For the guys-there is a mighty plethera of hot girls with great tcb and service, so if I were a hobbyist faced with the delima that provider x shot me down, then I would simply say, "NEXT!" and just move on. As a provider-I have to question what about me is not as appealing as other ladies, step up my game and evaluate how I look, what I'm doing, how I advertise, etc. if I am wanting to attract more biz. The bottom line is you can't please everyone. Just have as much fun as you can with those you click with and enjoy yourself because that's what it's all about. As far as people not feeling comfortable to post, and guys not feeling comfortable with posting reviews-you have your OWN reasons. You don't have to explain them to anyone. No one is hobbying with your wallet, your personal interests, or aspects of your life that you need to protect, etc. And for the ladies that do or don't see certain guys-it's their bodies, there perogative, their decision. I have had heard of girls explain a number of different "prejudices" or "standards" that dictate who they will and won't see for xyz reason. Some to me are valid, others-not so much. You basically can't argue with free-will or need to explain yourself to anyone.

[Metal Smith]

Harley Guy,
I can tell you first hand -- I have only begun to post here. I was a lurker of ASPD, EROS, Provider posts, TER, Esco---- you get it. After becoming a member on ASPD, Initially, I lurked in the hopes of learning the lingo. As I became more aware of what has been reffered to as WK's or BK's or absolute lambasting a guy for an inadequate review or post. I decided I would not be a target for the same. I came to this site where the atmosphere is quite a bit different. I have found a spot, if you will, That will not send me into a rage over someones remarks. Sophia, Sarge, Ralphey Boy are all spot on, Even Whispers who occasionally may push a bit too far, is correct. You will have your moments, as we all do. I encourage you to get in, play well with others and when necessary stand your ground.
Metal Smith